This past week, I have discovered something very not cool about myself. I have gone up a dress size again. I found this out the other day while trying on two pairs of pants, and while the pants looked really good on me, it was the size that really did me in.
Thomas is most kind and wonderful. He says that he truly doesn't care what size I am, as long as I am happy with myself, that's what matters. But, I am not happy with this new turn of events. In fact, I am not happy with it at all. So, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and really set a challenge for myself.
I have decided that I need someone to be an asshole to me. I need someone to tell me that I can't do it, that I will always be pushing maximum density in size and that there is only a big girl in me. What's funny is I have the tools to succeed and I have the ability to do it, I just have no challenge. I am hoping that one of the ones who responded to my open invitation will come up with something kind of fun and creative, but, it's really up to me to get it done, just to prove them wrong.
I was once told that my weight had become the reason why I was no longer attractive to someone, and I took it and made it my goal to be what they wanted... I am no longer a part of that relationship, but, it taught me something about myself. I need to have someone challenge me to do better, to be better, and to tell me that I can't do it... that's always a good way to get me to do things, tell me I can't.
Anyhow, I guess we will see where it goes, but, for now, it's time for bed... night all, Peace
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