Today is the first day of the rest of my life... unless it's the last day in which case, it's the rest of my life.
I haven't written in so long, I was beginning to think that I would forget how to put words into thoughts and then onto 'paper'. I stopped writing for a lot of reasons, the main one being, I don't really think anyone reads what I write. What's the point of writing fi no on sees it. That's where I have been for a while now. I thought, no one cares about what I have to say, why bother saying anything. It's not like I'm writing the great American novel or anything worth noting, just my random thoughts of life and living in this time and age. I have a few drafts of thoughts I had and then, either I didn't have time to finish what I was thinking or I just didn't finish it.
So, what has changed that got me to the computer this morning. Nothing has changed at all. I just forgot that for me, writing is an outlet. It's how I take my anger and put it into words that make sense to no one else but me. Thus the Lunatic name. And I know that I spelled it wrong. I'm so silly like that.
My young one is doing a research paper on books and why she wants to write a book. As my husband and I tried to explain to her last night, books have a way of changing people as well as changing the course of human history. I said, The Communist Manifesto was a book that changed the world. Hitler's book was a best seller and who knows what our world would look like if he hadn't written it.
She told us that they finished watching the movie Coco yesterday in Spanish class, which totally lead into my speech last night. I said that whole movie is part of something I heard a bit of last year. It was a video from Jason Silva and he was talking about the three deaths a person has. The first one is when you're young and you become aware of your own mortality. You realize for the first time that things die and they don't come back and your'e part of the things that die. It's pretty heavy when you're young. The second death is when you actually die. When your heart stops beating, your lungs no longer suck in air and your body is done. Everyone will go through this death. No one gets out of it. The third death, and probably the most important, is the last time someone speaks your name. This one was very heavy for me. When no one knows who you were or what you did. When you are not even a memory. My husband brought up a story of Achilles. When he left home, his mother told him, if you stay here, you will find great love and happiness. You will have children and grandchildren, but your memory will fade. If you leave this place, you will have glory and great success in battle, and your memory will live forever. Notice that in the book he is mentioned, The Odessy, by Homer, was written in the 8th century. How many thousands of years ago? We still talk about him, we still make movies about him, we still want to know about his life. Achilles will never die. I told my daughter, to write a book is to live forever. To write a book is to never have that third death.
Whether or not she uses my ideas in her paper, which she should, I know that she has the desire to write. At this point, it needs to develop a little bit, but she's 12. It's all good. For me, I still wonder if I will ever write that book I have been talking about for years. I have made the resolution and goals to finish it this year, every year. I don't know if it will ever happen. No one reads what I write now, what makes me think anyone would read a book I wrote. Still, there is this desire to put it out there. For others who have been through the same thing. To let them know, shit happened to me too, and I fought for what I have now because I didn't see giving up as a possibility.
So here I am again. Back to the drawing board. Stay tuned, who knows what will come and what I might find I can do. For now, it's time to get going and get ready for work.. Have a good Tuesday.
