What do you think I deserve...

I have days where I hate Facebook.  So much so, that I feel like I have to rant to my girlfriend about how insensitive people are when they think they can hide behind the safety of the computer screen.  Do I boycott the social site?  No.  I don't.  I prefer to not look at their stuff for a while.  Then I will get sucked back into the lives of the ones that I have chosen to let into my life there.  I will hit that like button when someone makes me smile.  Or the heart button when I go awwww...  Today however, I wanted to use the fuck you finger to someone. 

I live in a state that has recently voted to raise the minimum wage to a staggering $12.00 an hour.  I mean, holy shit, this is unheard of! The rise to $12 started at the start of the year at $10.00 an hour for everyone in the state, except wait staff, who still make shit wages and have to hope the patrons of their respective places of employment will be generous to leave that far too high 15% rate.  (I will get to this in a moment, so bear with me for a few.)

Of course with this hike in our states wages there will be plenty who are very excited about it, and then there are others who have the opposite point of view and don't like it one bit that we as a voting state have opted to raise the base pay of all working persons to $12 an hour, which, if we do the math, is just shy of $25,000 a year.  However, that won't take effect for two more years.  At it's current rate, the $10 raise from $8.05 is where we are at right now.  For the average, minimum wage earner who works 40 hours a week, has no sick days, and no taxes taken out the yearly will be $20,800.  Now let's take into account taxes, I will use what I take out for personal taxes and other deductions, which is around 206 per pay check and that's only for 32 hours that I work, I assume for 40 hours, figure around $15,444.  Wow.  That's absurd that anyone should want to make more than that! How dare these people think that living with more money would make it easier for them.  Stupid idiots right?!  The very nerve!  So for the fun of it, let's see what the $8.05 would look like for the year with the guessed tax rate... I used around $150 for taxes, though, I think I paid more than that... We are looking at $12,844 for the year. 

(The anger that is boiling right now wants to break free... )  Now I'm not so unaware that such a large hike in mom and pop places may and likely will impact the way that they will employ workers.  I see where there will be price increases to pay for the help to run the place.  Likely there are a lot of small business owners who will feel the sting of it, and for them, I sympathize.  I really do.  No one wants to lose their lively hood for reasons like this.  However, I, am not here to argue for the ones who own their businesses or the ones who already made $12 an hour or more.  I am not here to tell you how sad for you... What I'm here to say today, is FUCK YOU!

I grew up with my three sisters in a small town in northern Arizona.  It's not a bad place, I still live there in fact, (not to say that I never left, rather I left and have returned to this place again) and I still like it here.  But, for those of us who live here, and don't have the same ideas in the political aspect of the like minded community, we are considered to be the worst sort of people.  Ones you don't want to talk to about politics because we are those dreaded (dare I say it) liberals.  I have looked this term up in the Oxford dictionary and well, it's not such a bad thing I have found.  The closed mined conservative community that I live in however, doesn't think so.  I know that my conservative friends think I am crazy for my ideas.  I think we should have a minimum wage that allows the people who work, to be able to afford to pay their bills and eat, instead of one or the other.  I remember driving home with work one day with my little sister, and she asked me how much did I make in the year prior, and said, around $12,000.  I think she was shocked, she asked how did I live, to which I replied very creatively.  Last year, I had my boss tell me that I was overpaid and he didn't think he should pay me as much as he did.  But I was losing 20% of my income by not working on Monday's.  I looked at my 1099 and it was $12061 for the year.... But I should be making so much more yearly, but,  less hourly.  I knew and still know what my worth is for an LMT and trust me, I wasn't paid anywhere close to what I deserve for my skills and expected job requirements.  I have to maintain my license, which costs around $100 for the renewal, insurance must be taken out, and continuing education credits must be meet in order to get your renewal.  They don't offer classes where I live, I must take these classes in person in another city.  Not to mention that I had to supply my own everything, and clean them all as well... That's a must there. 

For me, that was a low point, and I was so upset by these words that I immediately began the job search.  Several leads and a few interviews later, I am now at the bank.  There is stability in the job I have and my body doesn't ache from doing 8, or 9, or 10 massages in a day.  When I left, I felt like I had been taken advantage of and shafted, I was so hurt and sad by the move.  How would I tell my clients that while I love them dearly, I want them to keep getting regular bodywork, that I could no longer stay there?  There were many things that I thought about this place and in the end, it's his business and it's his choice.  However, my choice is not to be there. 

How does this apply to today you may be asking, dear reader, and it's this.  I don't flip burgers for a living.  I have a degree, I have goals and ambitions, I have a license that I still must keep up if I wish to still be able to do massage.  I'm not some kid, fresh out of high school trying to make enough money to buy some weed and fuel and go fishing on the weekends.  I am a grown fucking adult, and I have not overextended my living expenses.  But once in a while, it would be nice to be able to afford to go out to dinner and not have to worry about not having enough to purchase a lemonade to go with my $1. cheeseburger... ( ok, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, I usually spend $7.00 for something and split it so I can have leftovers for tomorrow's lunch.)  I am not saying that this is the case for everyone in the state, there are some who have it so much worse than I do, and for the my job and everything that I have, I'm so grateful, because believe it or not, this is much better than where we were 4 years ago.  But, I have the education, I have the skills and the aptitude to learn and excel in what I do, I have years of experience in customer service and somehow, I have not been able to move above the poverty line for more than a decade.  I live very creatively and I still maintain being a snob with some things, but, not too many.  I have many wants that are just that, wants.  I have many needs, and they fall into order of importance... kinda sucks to do it that way, but right now, it's all I can do. 

To bring this back, I am shocked at how many people think that I deserve to live in this fashion.  Because me making more due to minimum wage going up invalidates the hard work they had to put into their jobs to make it to where they are.  Education should come into play in the job field but, I have yet to see where this is helping me.  I see the young kid who is fresh out of high school who makes more than I do come in regularly.  I am happy for his good fortune, and silently hoping for a miracle that I will get that job I dream of, the one where I am valued and appreciated and the pay matches that.  I have that dream job in mind, I want to be that corporate massage therapist who works for a company and just work on the employees of said company.  I have the company in mind, and I have high hopes.  But until then, what gives you the right to say I deserve less because you had to wade up through the pile of corporate bullshit to get to where you are.  How dare you think that what I do is any less important than what you do.  I see these people saying how unfair it is for them that the minimum wage went up, as if it's some sort of personal vendetta against them.  It's not fair that some have to work so hard to get where they are, I am not looking for a handout or sympathy, I just want a fair shot to live and know what it's like to not worry about how can I pay this, to be stress free in this realm.  I would like to think that given this opportunity, I would stay somewhat thrift in my spending, but, to have some wiggle room, to be able to afford to leave my home town for a night for a race, and not wonder if I really afford it, or it's just another dream I have to watch go by because I can't afford to do it.   

Stop looking at the ones who you think are less than you because of their job and see that they are people too, who, like most other inhabitants of the earth want, to give their kids a good life and maybe enjoy it.  See some new places, learn new things.  Know what it's like to be stress free.  I will get there, until then, remember, just because that's the way things have always been done, doesn't really make it right.   

Brand New Year.. oh the possibilites

↔There are few things greater for me, than a new spiral notebook journal.  Perhaps a new year is the only thing cooler for me.  And with a New Year, always seems to come those pesky resolutions.  Or, as I had done it before, more reasons to hate myself when I fail miserably at something.  And I did.  Fail and hate myself that is.  And while now, I still make "resolutions", they are more of goals for myself.  I set out to prepare for a run in this years half marathon this month, and while I didn't think it was going to happen for so many reasons at the beginning of the year, I have been able to do just that.  Which always, for me anyway,  brings to mind, what other wonderful things can I accomplish if I make it a goal complete with rewards and everything? 

As with so many years, let me start off by telling you what I'm grateful for.  For the years that I have lived with my parents, New Year's Dinner was a time when we brought to the table, literally, at dinner for New Year's Day, our list of things we were grateful for, and what we would like to do as a resolution.  For so many years I wanted to lose weight and the only thing I was grateful for was well, in reality, I was not a grateful person.  I was pretty angry and lost and had a hard time.  It was a challenge to find something on those New Year's Days.  But, I usually managed one or two things that I was truly grateful for.

So with this tradition, I wanted to say something about the resolution that I had for years:  Lose weight, that's all I ever thought about.  Every year for what is near enough to 30 years that I have had a lifetime of self loathing.  It was about 3 years ago that I am sure was the last time I said I was going to lose weight.  I don't want to lose weight.  I would love to eat whatever and not gain weight, but, I have to live in a realistic world where there are enemies of my thighs.  Yes, I know that this is not the goal for me. 


What I'm Thankful For:
- I am grateful for my own voice in this world
- I am grateful for the ones that I love fiercely and unconditionally
- I am grateful for the ones who push me to work harder and push myself further
- I am grateful for the air that I breathe
- I am grateful for the ones who have inspired me to be realize my own muchness
- I am grateful for the Sun, the Wind, the Rain, the Oceans, and the Earth
- I am grateful that I have found some peace within myself


My Goals:
- To continue to learn about who I am and where do I fit in here?
- To take care of myself on a daily basis
- To take a look at the end of each day and self evaluate i.e. how can I do better tomorrow?
- To run 1000 miles this year
- To finish projects long before they are due to be ready and actually mail them on time
- To edit and self publish the first of many (hopefully) books

How does one come up with these kind of goals?  I know that you're looking at these thinking I must be crazy, if I self evaluate, I might find out that I can be just as much of a cunt as other women I know.  What if I don't like the person that I am being?  How will I ever reach such an impossible goal?  It is tough, and I have already found out that I can be a bonafied cunt of a human being.  But the question then goes back to, once I see these traits, what do I do with them.  If I don't like it, do I change it, or do I keep being that person?  You see, that's what it's all about.  If I don't like it or if I do like it.  If I don't like it, I'm only going to one of two things, change it, or not.  If I do like it, will I keep it and continue to be like that, or do I try to be better than I was and evolve to be something I didn't know I could do.  Running, really isn't the biggest challenge that is up there for me.  I have thought out how to reach that goal, and while I don't have my rewards in place just yet, I will.  It's a big thing now that I have a plan, I know that I can reach it.  For me, to finish projects is a really hard one.  It requires me to take that thing I don't like about myself and try to change it.  Will I succeed?  I don't know.  I have a few goals that I have managed to keep since making big ones, so we shall see. 

And what's fun for me is to set goals throughout the year to keep myself challenged.  This year past, I didn't do any 10ks.  I was very bummed that I didn't' do any.  I did however, do my first mud run and that was a blast.  Was I prepared, not really.  Am I going to make little goals for myself this year for running, well, aside from the big one?  Like properly train for a race or sign up for one that might be really hard.  Or do hot yoga for a month on Saturdays?  Or run a 10k.  At this point, I know what the basic goals are.  And while I have a few more that are my own and I will write down in my own private hand written journal, I know what I want to have accomplished at the end of this year. 

Not everyone has goals for themselves.  Not everyone makes resolutions, but, for those who do, what are your goals?  I have asked my youngest one what are her goals for the year.  She said she wanted to do a handstand.  I can respect that.  I also tried to tell her to use her resources.  If you wish to learn more and do gymnastics, ask your cousin for what YouTube channels she watched when she was learning.  Pull out the yoga book and start to stretch everyday to get the muscles loose and ready for the day, as well as gaining flexibility for more acrobatic moves.  I want to be able to do the splits. I am sure that if I did my yoga for a year, I could come much closer if not all the way to doing them.

With this year at it's early spot, I sit here in wonder in awe waiting for what the year will bring.  Some things scare the shit out of me.  I am hoping to be surprised for wonderful things, but, I don't expect it.  Other things, will be wonderful and amazing, like vacation and using new oil paints and having a marriage anniversary that I will be celebrating this year.  I have one last thought/goal to leave you with.  A suggestion if you will.  This year, I as well as Piper, will be doing the jar of Awesome.  Once a week, no less, we will be putting down on paper awesome things that have happened that week.  If more than one thing happens that we thought were awesome, we can put more.  But at the end of the year, it makes for fun times reading what good things really did happen to us throughout the year. 

So Here's to Cheating,

Stealing, Fighting,

And Drinking.

 

If you Cheat, May you Cheat

death; If you Steal, May you

Steal a Woman's Heart; If you fight,

May you Fight for a Brother;

If you drink, May you drink with me.