Over the course of my life, I have been asked many times, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" First of all, I don't want to grow up. I want to be a hippie that lives at the beach, in a van, has dreads in my hair, plays guitar and smokes natural things to help me better 'commune' with Mother Earth and the skies and the ocean :) OK, so that's probably not going to happen just yet, but it will happen though. So what do I really want to do? I have asked this question many times of myself and the same thing just keeps coming up. I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to start with traveling in my own home state and actually go see the Grand Canyon. I don't want actually have a 'real job' that I go to 9 to 6 or whatever, I don't want to be made a slave to anyone else. I just want to experience what our world has to offer... except maybe Iran and Beirut. Not that I have anything against those places, however I feel that, as a woman, it may not be the best place to go and be a tacky tourist in those particular locations.
When I was in 5th grade, and I remember this very distinctly, we had an assignment to describe a picture. Make up a story about a simple painting with a tree and a stream and a fence and farmhouse. This seemed so hard for my classmates. We had wanted to go out for recess, because that is a super important event in the day, and this was the assignment that would get us there, if only one person could write a good description. No one was able to write a paragraph on this painting. I finish my writing and raise my hand, (we had to read it out loud to the class) and Mr. Greene calls on me. I took a deep breath, and began to paint a picture with words. It was one of the best descriptions that I had ever written. I got us to recess that day. The assignment was five paragraphs long... Oh I used to be able to string words together in such a way that even the most advanced of my peers and sister's peers were impressed. I knew then, I loved to write.
In high school, I used to keep notebooks full of just little notes that made no sense to me. I still have these notebooks too. I remember one of them used to be full of funny things that I would think of, like, why does the GLASS bottle of Heinz Mustard say POURABLE Mustard? I mean, one would think that given that the bottle is made of glass, you would not be able to actually squeeze the product out... Does the word Duh mean anything in this scenario? Or, I was friends with a lot of girls that went to the same church as I. One in particular, was a very close friend of mine. We spent everyday of 8th grade together, never missing a day of talking. Our freshman year, didn't say hardly a word to each other. Why? I can't rightly say, but I do remember thinking why is she so damn perfect looking? I can't wait for the day that she is fat and has acne. I know, not the nicest thing I have ever thought, but I did think it. And then there were the thoughts of all the guys that I had a crush on... there were many of those, though, I never was asked out in school... ever. I would have to say I'm still a bit bent out of shape over that one... That's OK, I'm fucking awesome now, and they are not what I want... anymore :) Thomas can't believe that I was never asked out in high school. He just shakes his head and says, their loss. And he's right, it was their loss. There were thoughts of what is a perfect man, and what kind of qualities do they embody? I have the man that I wanted all those years ago, and so for that part, I'm very grateful for those thoughts.
So, to the point, how do I take what I love to do and what I want to do and make a career out of it? Travel writing is my answer. I take the classes on how to get to the point of what people want to know and take them to places they want to see and tell them all the best places to eat and sleep.
... I love food too... guess that goes with the hippie part. I have found a school online that teaches this very thing, so that is going to be the goal. To get a sponsor or scholarship or use my tips to get to the school... it's $350 for the course. I have looked at some of the work of my clients and I think to myself, I can do this. I have the ability to do this... now I need a magazine to write for... I think the goal would be Travel & Leisure magazine, or National Geographic which either one, would be something to shot for, for sure.
I am going to have a lot more posts this coming month of the different places that I do get to go see, probably about hiking, since it's something we do as a family and I can write about what happens on those days... saving the details of shorty having the runs or fun little things like that. Once I start going on this one, I would really like some feed back on the writing itself... Be nice, I haven't tried to write like this for a while, but, I can't wait!!! I will be bringing my camera on these little adventures too, so watch out for some pictures of the places we get to go. Hopefully, Thomas will take more pictures of the places and the neat things that we see together.
I have stalled many times with writing, and I think, after finishing reading Erma Bombeck's If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, Why do I have the pits, I realize that I can do anything that I want to. Writing is the easiest, most fun thing that I love doing. So that is what I am going to do... I have another goal of starring in a movie opposite Brad Pitt, though, I'm not sure how that will happen just yet :)
Anyhow, I have some things to do this afternoon... Ciao!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Metor Shower tonight
So, I was reading today that tonight, was suppose to have a very beautiful meteor shower. I think I might go out this evening, about 11 pm or so and check it out with Thomas. Nothing really big going on today, but, overall, it was a good day. Had some good dinner, and now, I'm thinking about a nice smoothie and some time with my heating pad on the neck. I don't understand how the days always seem to run together, and I never really know how I lose days....
Yesterday, we went for a hike. Turned out to be about 6 miles. Piper was such a good trooper. She didn't really complain about it until we, (Thomas and Kelsie went ahead to get the car while I took her back into the woods for the third time to go to the bathroom) were nearly to where Thomas and Kelsie had met us, she started to cry because she thought that we weren't going to get home before the sun went down. I told her that it was only about 4 pm and that the sun won't go down for another 3 hours... there was nothing to worry about. She missed Puppy... her stuffed puppy, named Puppy.
Watched some fun movies, all of which I would definitely purchase. Here Comes the Boom with Kevin James, Henry Winkler, Selma Hayek (I think I spelled that wrong) and some cute dude in glasses. Good good flick. I loved it... It would be nice if there were more people who went out of their way to fight for a cause that they believed it like the character in this movie.
Then, The Watch with Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and another guy I don't remember... Not what I was expecting from Ben Stiller at all. Good fun though. I wouldn't let Piper watch it though... I would watch it again, but, still very surprising for these guys...
Lastly, just watched D'Jango. Ooooh, that was a very good movie. I have to say that Quentin Tarantino has done it again with his plot twists and soundtracks. I love that the more movies he does, the more of the same people I get to see over and over again... He should do another one with Brad Pitt.. I loved Lt. Aldo Rains!!! He does crazy so well... Anyhow, it was a good one, and once again, he doesn't let the plot lag or drag in the middle, it's very good. Jamie Foxx, wow, nicely done! And of course, Kerry Washington, who is just a beautiful woman, I love to see her movies, she's awesome. Some of my now favorite villains are from this movie, both Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio. I love good bad guys. They are what make the movie that good. Can't have a good movie without a good bad guy. A bit much on the blood, but, it's very typical for Tarintino, so, not to be unexpected. Not to mention the Best Supporting Actor Christoph Waltz who totally killed it in this movie. He was so good in this movie and I loved him in it. Thomas says he could have pulled off Barbosa just as well as Geoffrey Rush... Though, let's not get into that debate right now. I still like him best in Inglorious Bastards.. Such a good dick!
Anyhow, I am going to go outside now and see if I can see the stars falling.. I have some serious wishing to do tonight... because, well, I DESERVE GREAT THINGS IN MY LIFE TO HAPPEN, AND TO HAPPEN NOW!!! Peace out!
Yesterday, we went for a hike. Turned out to be about 6 miles. Piper was such a good trooper. She didn't really complain about it until we, (Thomas and Kelsie went ahead to get the car while I took her back into the woods for the third time to go to the bathroom) were nearly to where Thomas and Kelsie had met us, she started to cry because she thought that we weren't going to get home before the sun went down. I told her that it was only about 4 pm and that the sun won't go down for another 3 hours... there was nothing to worry about. She missed Puppy... her stuffed puppy, named Puppy.
Watched some fun movies, all of which I would definitely purchase. Here Comes the Boom with Kevin James, Henry Winkler, Selma Hayek (I think I spelled that wrong) and some cute dude in glasses. Good good flick. I loved it... It would be nice if there were more people who went out of their way to fight for a cause that they believed it like the character in this movie.
Then, The Watch with Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and another guy I don't remember... Not what I was expecting from Ben Stiller at all. Good fun though. I wouldn't let Piper watch it though... I would watch it again, but, still very surprising for these guys...
Lastly, just watched D'Jango. Ooooh, that was a very good movie. I have to say that Quentin Tarantino has done it again with his plot twists and soundtracks. I love that the more movies he does, the more of the same people I get to see over and over again... He should do another one with Brad Pitt.. I loved Lt. Aldo Rains!!! He does crazy so well... Anyhow, it was a good one, and once again, he doesn't let the plot lag or drag in the middle, it's very good. Jamie Foxx, wow, nicely done! And of course, Kerry Washington, who is just a beautiful woman, I love to see her movies, she's awesome. Some of my now favorite villains are from this movie, both Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio. I love good bad guys. They are what make the movie that good. Can't have a good movie without a good bad guy. A bit much on the blood, but, it's very typical for Tarintino, so, not to be unexpected. Not to mention the Best Supporting Actor Christoph Waltz who totally killed it in this movie. He was so good in this movie and I loved him in it. Thomas says he could have pulled off Barbosa just as well as Geoffrey Rush... Though, let's not get into that debate right now. I still like him best in Inglorious Bastards.. Such a good dick!
Anyhow, I am going to go outside now and see if I can see the stars falling.. I have some serious wishing to do tonight... because, well, I DESERVE GREAT THINGS IN MY LIFE TO HAPPEN, AND TO HAPPEN NOW!!! Peace out!
Friday, April 19, 2013
Questions for the day...
This is taken from my Facebook page this evening, thus the comment about unfriending me if you find it offensive...
If what I have to say is offensive, you can unfriend me, I promise, I won't be mad... I am not understanding a lot of what is being put out there on Facebook recently. Like, the misinformation that the two boys, and they were kids, because to me, anyone under 26 is a baby still, were from Saudi Arabia, when in fact, they are Russian, Chechnya to be exact. We don't know the motive behind it, so why do we naturally assume that this has anything to do with religion. Why do we keep going after the middle east for everything that has happened? Why do we, as a whole, just not understand that part of the reason that so many of these said middle eastern countries are not friendly with us because of our relationship to Israel. I was always under the impression that we, The United States don't deal with terrorist nations... the most modern term of the word terrorist, as from www.dictonary.com is this "in the modern sense, 1947, especially in reference to Jewish tactics against the British in Palestine -- earlier it was used of extremist revolutionaries in Russia (1866); and Jacobins during the French Revolution (1795)" Hmmmm...
So then, I have to say thank you to Karla for bringing this up, why do we focus only on the negative aspects of Islam? Why do we not look at our (I say our religion because that is what the majority of Americans are is some form on Christianity) religion and the negative aspects of Christianity? I found it interesting that one comment on it was that Christians have never really done anything that is terrorist like... What about the crusades then? For about 400 or so years, and 11 separate crusades, the non violent Christians went to Jerusalem and tried to eradicate an entire religious group... kind of sound familiar? Then lets see... 800 years of the Inquisition... which The Church still holds an office for, though the title has changed... I have to quote Disney here from Beauty and the Beast "We don't like what we don't understand in fact it scares us"... Nicely put there Gaston.
And then the whole 2nd Amendment thing and how it's completely divided a country. I think it's great that we should have our guns. I am proud to have, at our house a variety of weapons that I know how to use each of. And I shot them well. Why are people so against having required background checks to purchase weapons? I understand that if a criminal wants to buy a gun they will find the means necessary, but, if you have nothing in your background that would prohibit you from legally purchasing a gun, why are you so against it?
Why do we still argue about whether or not marijuana should be legal or not, or are there health benefits or not... Really, 10,000 years of testing and billions of humans using it before us, and we take the advise of our government, because they would never steer us wrong, right? So many health benefits, so many lobbyists and politicians...
Finally, I have to tackle religion again.. not that I think what you believe is wrong, but, here's a thought for you..."You are more than your thoughts, your body or your feelings. You are a swirling vortex of limitless potential who is here to shake things up and create something new that the universe has never seen." Dr. Richard Bartlett
Why do we have to believe what others tell us if we have all the power within ourselves to be amazing... Don't be afraid to look for your answers somewhere other than a book, written by some dudes, long ago, for control of money and population... It is out there, if you're willing to open your eyes, and question everything you BELIEVE, especially concerning religion and politics... Do you believe what you believe because that's all you've ever been taught? I did, then I started to learn... remember mind open, heart enlarged, soul receptive... I love you ♥
If what I have to say is offensive, you can unfriend me, I promise, I won't be mad... I am not understanding a lot of what is being put out there on Facebook recently. Like, the misinformation that the two boys, and they were kids, because to me, anyone under 26 is a baby still, were from Saudi Arabia, when in fact, they are Russian, Chechnya to be exact. We don't know the motive behind it, so why do we naturally assume that this has anything to do with religion. Why do we keep going after the middle east for everything that has happened? Why do we, as a whole, just not understand that part of the reason that so many of these said middle eastern countries are not friendly with us because of our relationship to Israel. I was always under the impression that we, The United States don't deal with terrorist nations... the most modern term of the word terrorist, as from www.dictonary.com is this "in the modern sense, 1947, especially in reference to Jewish tactics against the British in Palestine -- earlier it was used of extremist revolutionaries in Russia (1866); and Jacobins during the French Revolution (1795)" Hmmmm...
So then, I have to say thank you to Karla for bringing this up, why do we focus only on the negative aspects of Islam? Why do we not look at our (I say our religion because that is what the majority of Americans are is some form on Christianity) religion and the negative aspects of Christianity? I found it interesting that one comment on it was that Christians have never really done anything that is terrorist like... What about the crusades then? For about 400 or so years, and 11 separate crusades, the non violent Christians went to Jerusalem and tried to eradicate an entire religious group... kind of sound familiar? Then lets see... 800 years of the Inquisition... which The Church still holds an office for, though the title has changed... I have to quote Disney here from Beauty and the Beast "We don't like what we don't understand in fact it scares us"... Nicely put there Gaston.
And then the whole 2nd Amendment thing and how it's completely divided a country. I think it's great that we should have our guns. I am proud to have, at our house a variety of weapons that I know how to use each of. And I shot them well. Why are people so against having required background checks to purchase weapons? I understand that if a criminal wants to buy a gun they will find the means necessary, but, if you have nothing in your background that would prohibit you from legally purchasing a gun, why are you so against it?
Why do we still argue about whether or not marijuana should be legal or not, or are there health benefits or not... Really, 10,000 years of testing and billions of humans using it before us, and we take the advise of our government, because they would never steer us wrong, right? So many health benefits, so many lobbyists and politicians...
Finally, I have to tackle religion again.. not that I think what you believe is wrong, but, here's a thought for you..."You are more than your thoughts, your body or your feelings. You are a swirling vortex of limitless potential who is here to shake things up and create something new that the universe has never seen." Dr. Richard Bartlett
Why do we have to believe what others tell us if we have all the power within ourselves to be amazing... Don't be afraid to look for your answers somewhere other than a book, written by some dudes, long ago, for control of money and population... It is out there, if you're willing to open your eyes, and question everything you BELIEVE, especially concerning religion and politics... Do you believe what you believe because that's all you've ever been taught? I did, then I started to learn... remember mind open, heart enlarged, soul receptive... I love you ♥
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Massages
Yesterday, I woke up in a bad mood! I tried to do everything I knew how to make it not so and I couldn't do it. Just was crabby all morning long.... As I was leaving the house for work, I keep thinking why am I so upset, what is making me feel so mad, and it dawned on me. I have this thing for things and stuff that I see as mine only. Nothing in my house is mine only expect for my underwear. We share everything in our home, including, the only working one computer. My computer. I had not written anything it what felt like so long, and I was starting to get really upset that I was not able to. I wanted my thing back. As soon as I realized this is what the issue was, I quickly acknowledged it and let it go, it was no longer an issue.
Got to work, and I did my massages, though I kept looking at the clock because I really was looking forward to getting a massage after work. Finished all my massages, was pretty pleased with my work. Was told by a client that she's getting an entourage and when she travels, I will have to come too... That was nice to hear that. Got to my massage, and it was so nice to relax and enjoy someone else working on my muscles for a change. It was like heaven!!!
Got home and I was feeling pretty good, it was my rest day for working out, so that was nice too. Dinner and the rest of the night goes by and about the time that I really wanted to crawl into the tub, Kelsie gets into the shower... for a while. And as soon as she's done, I needed to do the dishes. After that is when I got to take a bath. That didn't go over so well with me, though I did do it... I just failed to soak in a hot tub and sweat... it was more very luke warmish. I tried to relax and the more I sat in there, the more disgruntled I became.
After my bath, I went into the room and was getting into bed and Thomas asked why was I so upset this morning. I didn't really want to tell him. To me, it was me being selfish and child-like and since I wasn't thinking about that anymore, I just didn't see a point in talking about it. So he gets it out of me, and then he gets mad because of why I was upset. I don't get that. He went outside to smoke and came back in to get ready for bed. I, in the meantime, laid in bed, and tried to just relax. I closed my eyes and thought of happy things, instead of this little thing. He told me to take the computer today to work, and that was the end of it. I was glad for that.
Overall, after waking up today, I know that on days like yesterday, I just have to try to smile and be friendly and get through it. I don't have days like those often, but, when I do, I just should crawl back into bed and have a do over. If at all possible that is. Today was a great day. Had some awesome clients to work with, met the coolest woman today, so glad to meet her. Had some nice pitas for dinner and now I get to work out... Looking forward to a HOT bath tonight though :)
Got to work, and I did my massages, though I kept looking at the clock because I really was looking forward to getting a massage after work. Finished all my massages, was pretty pleased with my work. Was told by a client that she's getting an entourage and when she travels, I will have to come too... That was nice to hear that. Got to my massage, and it was so nice to relax and enjoy someone else working on my muscles for a change. It was like heaven!!!
Got home and I was feeling pretty good, it was my rest day for working out, so that was nice too. Dinner and the rest of the night goes by and about the time that I really wanted to crawl into the tub, Kelsie gets into the shower... for a while. And as soon as she's done, I needed to do the dishes. After that is when I got to take a bath. That didn't go over so well with me, though I did do it... I just failed to soak in a hot tub and sweat... it was more very luke warmish. I tried to relax and the more I sat in there, the more disgruntled I became.
After my bath, I went into the room and was getting into bed and Thomas asked why was I so upset this morning. I didn't really want to tell him. To me, it was me being selfish and child-like and since I wasn't thinking about that anymore, I just didn't see a point in talking about it. So he gets it out of me, and then he gets mad because of why I was upset. I don't get that. He went outside to smoke and came back in to get ready for bed. I, in the meantime, laid in bed, and tried to just relax. I closed my eyes and thought of happy things, instead of this little thing. He told me to take the computer today to work, and that was the end of it. I was glad for that.
Overall, after waking up today, I know that on days like yesterday, I just have to try to smile and be friendly and get through it. I don't have days like those often, but, when I do, I just should crawl back into bed and have a do over. If at all possible that is. Today was a great day. Had some awesome clients to work with, met the coolest woman today, so glad to meet her. Had some nice pitas for dinner and now I get to work out... Looking forward to a HOT bath tonight though :)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Movies
So, last week I told Belinda that I would be posting on Tuesday. It's now Wednesday and I am just now getting this out there. I have become a self proclaimed Redbox whore. I love being able to go Circle K and grab a few movies to watch. Last week, I watched Anna Karenina. When I first saw the preview for it, I bought the book, I was so intrigued with it... It's in a pile of books to read now :)
The basis of the movie is about a married woman who is courted by a young Calvary officer. She tries to ignore his advances but is soon taken by him and an affair ensues. She finds herself, for the first time, truly in love with a man. She gets pregnant by her lover and leaves her husband and son to be with this young man, but society finds her actions to be deplorable and she is an outcast in St. Petersburg... it's in Russia in 1874, thus the reason why society is unkind to her (because in todays society, it's ok to be doing that and no one is an outcast. I think we should bring back shame and value what marriage is suppose to mean and represent. Too many get married too young and use that an excuse to do whatever they want instead of just admitting the mistake and having enough respect for the other person to just tell them that they no longer want to be married and end it nicely, they have to drag each other through the mud and humiliate the other person.. what the hell kind of society are we living in?) In the end, the lover leaves her for another woman, he husband would take her back into his house and life and she refuses and her heart is so broken beyond repair, she throws herself under an oncoming train.
I watched this and I cried at the end of it. Not because I was upset that she did this, but, for me, it was about that ultimate heartbreak that feels like it takes the very breath away and makes you feel like the only thing that will end this feeling of emptiness is death. It broke my heart to see that in someone else. I mean, she still had options and yet, for her, a life without love wasn't worth living.
In my experience, I know that feeling. I know that heartache that feels like it will never go away. That life has nothing left in it. For me, I was able to pull myself out of that depression and go on and realize that there is always love out there. In fact, if the truth be told, there are over 6 billion people on the earth, chances are you will find love once again. I have been very lucky in finding it again. Yet, to watch that, to see another person go through it, it was like living it all over again. I felt my breath catch in my chest and my heart break for her.
Silly I know, but, it was so sad to watch that. And had I not had someone that I cared about more than I did myself, I may have done the same. I say that Piper saved me in more ways than one, this is one example of it. She is my shining star that is a light of my life. As for finding love after such a heartache, I know that there is hope, for everyone. I thought I was never going to be able to crawl out of my depression and yet, I did... and when I finally gave up wanting to be with my ex-husband, and I started to focus on finding a companion who liked me for me, didn't want to change me, challenged me mentally, was an equal, and talked nicely to me, I found a man who embodied all of those things, plus only sees me in black and white, which, I look so much better in black and white. It is possible, I can say that with all my heart, it is possible to recover after such a bad heartbreak.
The last three movies I have watched have all been based on true stories. Lincoln, Chasing Mavericks and The Sessions. All of them have been such great movies. I was so impressed by all these stories. Just great stories and all of them about different things. Lincoln, was about passing the 13th Amendment, in the time of a fortnight (2 weeks for those who don't know that term... I think we should use that word a lot more) and then a few months after the fact and the surrender of the Southern states and Lincoln's death. I was so loving Daniel Day Lewis as Abe. He was so good in the role. Truly Oscar worthy in his performance of the 16th President. I am glad he came out of retirement to do this movie. And Sally Fields... she was amazing. What a bitch his wife was, but, times were different then, and life was much different. She even knew she was going to be looked at as a crazy one. Sally was magnificent in her role!!!
Chasing Mavericks was about a young kid who wanted to surf Mavericks. Mavericks is that legendary place south of San Francisco where the big waves come in and only the very daring of the ballsiest will try those waves. Gerald Butler was in it... mmmmm.... This kid worked his ass off to get to train to surf those waves and surf it he did. His name was Jay Moriarty. Now for the most part, I didn't really watch the movie, but I kept walking into the bedroom where Thomas was watching it. I love watching movies about the ocean and surfers, so I was a little bummed that I wasn't able to watch it. I did get to see the last 45 minutes of it though, and wow. Talk about a lot to overcome to get to Mavericks. He was able to ride the waves at Mavericks and later went on to be a pretty famous surfer. In the end of the movie, he died while free diving. He was married to the love of his life, and people say Live Like Jay! I think it's meaning is to live to the fullest, live in the moment and enjoy the ride. You never know when it's going to be over...
The last movie that I watched last night was The Sessions. It was based on an article called "On seeing a sex surrogate" by Mark O'Brein. It was about a man who was in his late 30's that had contracted polio when he was 6 years old and had been told he would only live for about 18 months... It was much longer than that. He was a virgin and lived most of his life in an iron lung, a device used to help him breath. He decided to seek the help of a sex surrogate. Now, after looking up this article, I was amazed that Fox had taken this article on to make a movie of it. Not only that, Helen Hunt, who plays the surrogate, was nominated for an Oscar for best supporting actress for her role as Cheryl Cohen Green. Wow, she was awesome in this movie! The end of the movie showed Mark as going through a power outage and ending up in the hospital where he met his partner, Susan. It was a heartwarming story of self acceptance and overcoming a fear that seems to be the problem for many people... Self-loathing because we think we should act or be or look a certain way in order for others to accept and love us.
Heartbreak, nations at war, living life to the fullest and self acceptance seem to be the main themes of these dramas. All of them I would happily purchase to watch at my own leisure, however, for now, I will be happy with just renting them and wondering what kind of story Hollywood will tell me next. Three of them were true stories, and I think that even fiction has its elements of truth to them. There were men who would stop at nothing to get what they want. There were men who loved their wives but had no idea how to show it to them. I am sure that there were women who cheated on their husbands and became heartbroken after the fact. Interesting how truth is always somehow stranger than fiction.
I think that's why I love to write about my life so much. There is much drama to it, not all of it is bad, in fact, the majority of it is great. But, there are those moments when things are just too unreal and can't really be happening. I can't think of any of them right off the top of my head, but, I'm sure I've had those moments... From about the time I was 22 to 30 would be about right... Just so unreal that when I talk about it, most look at me like I just grew a second head... Oh well... I like to tell the truth to people with a lot of sarcasm that way they think I'm lying. I also enjoy using humor to say what I'm really thinking.... I remember the week that I turned 18, my dad came into my room and asked what did I do this weekend... Got drunk, got laid, got a tattoo, smoked a whole lot... :)
The dishes are calling, so I guess it's time to get going. I am sure I will have lots more to say in the next week or so... Stay tuned :)
The basis of the movie is about a married woman who is courted by a young Calvary officer. She tries to ignore his advances but is soon taken by him and an affair ensues. She finds herself, for the first time, truly in love with a man. She gets pregnant by her lover and leaves her husband and son to be with this young man, but society finds her actions to be deplorable and she is an outcast in St. Petersburg... it's in Russia in 1874, thus the reason why society is unkind to her (because in todays society, it's ok to be doing that and no one is an outcast. I think we should bring back shame and value what marriage is suppose to mean and represent. Too many get married too young and use that an excuse to do whatever they want instead of just admitting the mistake and having enough respect for the other person to just tell them that they no longer want to be married and end it nicely, they have to drag each other through the mud and humiliate the other person.. what the hell kind of society are we living in?) In the end, the lover leaves her for another woman, he husband would take her back into his house and life and she refuses and her heart is so broken beyond repair, she throws herself under an oncoming train.
I watched this and I cried at the end of it. Not because I was upset that she did this, but, for me, it was about that ultimate heartbreak that feels like it takes the very breath away and makes you feel like the only thing that will end this feeling of emptiness is death. It broke my heart to see that in someone else. I mean, she still had options and yet, for her, a life without love wasn't worth living.
In my experience, I know that feeling. I know that heartache that feels like it will never go away. That life has nothing left in it. For me, I was able to pull myself out of that depression and go on and realize that there is always love out there. In fact, if the truth be told, there are over 6 billion people on the earth, chances are you will find love once again. I have been very lucky in finding it again. Yet, to watch that, to see another person go through it, it was like living it all over again. I felt my breath catch in my chest and my heart break for her.
Silly I know, but, it was so sad to watch that. And had I not had someone that I cared about more than I did myself, I may have done the same. I say that Piper saved me in more ways than one, this is one example of it. She is my shining star that is a light of my life. As for finding love after such a heartache, I know that there is hope, for everyone. I thought I was never going to be able to crawl out of my depression and yet, I did... and when I finally gave up wanting to be with my ex-husband, and I started to focus on finding a companion who liked me for me, didn't want to change me, challenged me mentally, was an equal, and talked nicely to me, I found a man who embodied all of those things, plus only sees me in black and white, which, I look so much better in black and white. It is possible, I can say that with all my heart, it is possible to recover after such a bad heartbreak.
The last three movies I have watched have all been based on true stories. Lincoln, Chasing Mavericks and The Sessions. All of them have been such great movies. I was so impressed by all these stories. Just great stories and all of them about different things. Lincoln, was about passing the 13th Amendment, in the time of a fortnight (2 weeks for those who don't know that term... I think we should use that word a lot more) and then a few months after the fact and the surrender of the Southern states and Lincoln's death. I was so loving Daniel Day Lewis as Abe. He was so good in the role. Truly Oscar worthy in his performance of the 16th President. I am glad he came out of retirement to do this movie. And Sally Fields... she was amazing. What a bitch his wife was, but, times were different then, and life was much different. She even knew she was going to be looked at as a crazy one. Sally was magnificent in her role!!!
Chasing Mavericks was about a young kid who wanted to surf Mavericks. Mavericks is that legendary place south of San Francisco where the big waves come in and only the very daring of the ballsiest will try those waves. Gerald Butler was in it... mmmmm.... This kid worked his ass off to get to train to surf those waves and surf it he did. His name was Jay Moriarty. Now for the most part, I didn't really watch the movie, but I kept walking into the bedroom where Thomas was watching it. I love watching movies about the ocean and surfers, so I was a little bummed that I wasn't able to watch it. I did get to see the last 45 minutes of it though, and wow. Talk about a lot to overcome to get to Mavericks. He was able to ride the waves at Mavericks and later went on to be a pretty famous surfer. In the end of the movie, he died while free diving. He was married to the love of his life, and people say Live Like Jay! I think it's meaning is to live to the fullest, live in the moment and enjoy the ride. You never know when it's going to be over...
The last movie that I watched last night was The Sessions. It was based on an article called "On seeing a sex surrogate" by Mark O'Brein. It was about a man who was in his late 30's that had contracted polio when he was 6 years old and had been told he would only live for about 18 months... It was much longer than that. He was a virgin and lived most of his life in an iron lung, a device used to help him breath. He decided to seek the help of a sex surrogate. Now, after looking up this article, I was amazed that Fox had taken this article on to make a movie of it. Not only that, Helen Hunt, who plays the surrogate, was nominated for an Oscar for best supporting actress for her role as Cheryl Cohen Green. Wow, she was awesome in this movie! The end of the movie showed Mark as going through a power outage and ending up in the hospital where he met his partner, Susan. It was a heartwarming story of self acceptance and overcoming a fear that seems to be the problem for many people... Self-loathing because we think we should act or be or look a certain way in order for others to accept and love us.
Heartbreak, nations at war, living life to the fullest and self acceptance seem to be the main themes of these dramas. All of them I would happily purchase to watch at my own leisure, however, for now, I will be happy with just renting them and wondering what kind of story Hollywood will tell me next. Three of them were true stories, and I think that even fiction has its elements of truth to them. There were men who would stop at nothing to get what they want. There were men who loved their wives but had no idea how to show it to them. I am sure that there were women who cheated on their husbands and became heartbroken after the fact. Interesting how truth is always somehow stranger than fiction.
I think that's why I love to write about my life so much. There is much drama to it, not all of it is bad, in fact, the majority of it is great. But, there are those moments when things are just too unreal and can't really be happening. I can't think of any of them right off the top of my head, but, I'm sure I've had those moments... From about the time I was 22 to 30 would be about right... Just so unreal that when I talk about it, most look at me like I just grew a second head... Oh well... I like to tell the truth to people with a lot of sarcasm that way they think I'm lying. I also enjoy using humor to say what I'm really thinking.... I remember the week that I turned 18, my dad came into my room and asked what did I do this weekend... Got drunk, got laid, got a tattoo, smoked a whole lot... :)
The dishes are calling, so I guess it's time to get going. I am sure I will have lots more to say in the next week or so... Stay tuned :)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Things that begin with R
This morning I got up and Piper was watching School of Rock. I was watching the beginning of it with her and I really love the part where Dewy gets kicked out of the band, and he says that it doesn't matter because he's going to start his own band and start a revolution!!! That's what we need to do. I mean, not like everyone start a band, but start a revolution. The only thing that I have yet to figure out is what kind of a revolution am I going to start?
Now, I am not an expert, but, I'm not so sure if everyone who has really started a kind of revolution knew exactly what kind of revolution there were going to start... I am going to have to think of that for a while. I know that I do want to do something huge for myself and for those around me, but, I have yet to see it. I really want to have a two rink roller skating rink and an indoor skate park with a large skate shop in it. I want to be on roller skates and dance all day long. Not only that, I think it would be cool to start a roller derby league here on the mountain. But the adult part in me says that at some point I will have to be responsible and run the business part of it. In fact, I do want to get my degree in business and accounting so I know how to keep the books at this totally awesome place that I get to play at everyday.
In my life I have been blessed with so many things that I never saw coming the way that I wanted it to. So for now, I am going to just let it go, trust that I will get exactly what I want, believe that it's going to happen, stop expecting for it to happen the way that I think it should, and just love the experiences that are going to get me there. That's what life is about right... Anyhow, I have clothes to put away and kids to take to the park and dinner to make, soonish...
Just as a side note, I have been working out again, and I am enjoying it so much. I have been trying to learn how to ride a skate board, it's not as easy as I would have thought, but, I am getting the hang of it. I am hoping that when I get back to California (it's not longer a matter of if, but when), I would like to be able to jump on my board and go the beach. Or I will just get a nice pair of skates and skate my way down the boardwalk :)
Now, I am not an expert, but, I'm not so sure if everyone who has really started a kind of revolution knew exactly what kind of revolution there were going to start... I am going to have to think of that for a while. I know that I do want to do something huge for myself and for those around me, but, I have yet to see it. I really want to have a two rink roller skating rink and an indoor skate park with a large skate shop in it. I want to be on roller skates and dance all day long. Not only that, I think it would be cool to start a roller derby league here on the mountain. But the adult part in me says that at some point I will have to be responsible and run the business part of it. In fact, I do want to get my degree in business and accounting so I know how to keep the books at this totally awesome place that I get to play at everyday.
In my life I have been blessed with so many things that I never saw coming the way that I wanted it to. So for now, I am going to just let it go, trust that I will get exactly what I want, believe that it's going to happen, stop expecting for it to happen the way that I think it should, and just love the experiences that are going to get me there. That's what life is about right... Anyhow, I have clothes to put away and kids to take to the park and dinner to make, soonish...
Just as a side note, I have been working out again, and I am enjoying it so much. I have been trying to learn how to ride a skate board, it's not as easy as I would have thought, but, I am getting the hang of it. I am hoping that when I get back to California (it's not longer a matter of if, but when), I would like to be able to jump on my board and go the beach. Or I will just get a nice pair of skates and skate my way down the boardwalk :)
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Thoughts from Moscato... :)
For those who don't know, Moscato is this amazingly delicious white wine that is both fruity, not dry, and bubbly all at the same time. It is sinfully wonderful and when we do Chinese food, I can't seem to help but to drink more than half of the bottle... it was big bottle tonight... and enjoy cooking and life.
Went to lunch with Nessa and Lizzy and Piper this afternoon, and while the food wasn't the best I have ever had, I cannot complain about it. It was pretty good. Not super good or anything, but the company was far more exciting than that food for sure.
Came home, after hitting the thrift store, for a bunt pan and a 10 key.. hooray.. and we have to go to the store to get stuff for dinner, and since it's Chinese food tonight, that means that I get to have wine with my dinner! Yay me!! I got the big bottle of it. Barefoot brand Moscato. Wow, I love this stuff.
And then, as dinner is going nicely, and I am on my 5th glass of wine, I realize, as I'm sitting at the table, that I have indeed, drank a bit too much for dinner. I lay back on the floor and in a moment, I am feeling better.. and then I decide to write.
I am not very articulate right now, and my thoughts are scattered quite a bit. I have to focus really hard on typing to get this out on paper.. well, not really paper, but, you get the idea. Thomas, in the meantime, has gone to return movies and I am hoping will return with a different one, Anna Karenina. I wanted to get it last night, but, was unable to, maybe tonight though.
Piper isn't feeling so well. Has had the runs for a while now, I feel so bad for her when she gets sick. I feel like I can't do anything to make it all better and she has to suffer because of it. I hate to see her hurting, but, she is sleeping now, and that will do her a world of good, I hope. She was so sweet today. I got up and she had made a fort in the living room with blankets, and pillows and all sorts of things. The bird even got the idea that he could come and play with her in the fort, that didn't go so well though. We went to the park and played and that was a lot of fun for both of us I think. Then to a late lunch and the thrift store... then we got sick. And now, as I have said, she's sleeping for the moment, I am hoping that she will stay that way until at least morning.
My eyes are getting really fuzzy now, I have to take out my contacts before I can't see anything. Good night for now...Ciao!!
Went to lunch with Nessa and Lizzy and Piper this afternoon, and while the food wasn't the best I have ever had, I cannot complain about it. It was pretty good. Not super good or anything, but the company was far more exciting than that food for sure.
Came home, after hitting the thrift store, for a bunt pan and a 10 key.. hooray.. and we have to go to the store to get stuff for dinner, and since it's Chinese food tonight, that means that I get to have wine with my dinner! Yay me!! I got the big bottle of it. Barefoot brand Moscato. Wow, I love this stuff.
And then, as dinner is going nicely, and I am on my 5th glass of wine, I realize, as I'm sitting at the table, that I have indeed, drank a bit too much for dinner. I lay back on the floor and in a moment, I am feeling better.. and then I decide to write.
I am not very articulate right now, and my thoughts are scattered quite a bit. I have to focus really hard on typing to get this out on paper.. well, not really paper, but, you get the idea. Thomas, in the meantime, has gone to return movies and I am hoping will return with a different one, Anna Karenina. I wanted to get it last night, but, was unable to, maybe tonight though.
Piper isn't feeling so well. Has had the runs for a while now, I feel so bad for her when she gets sick. I feel like I can't do anything to make it all better and she has to suffer because of it. I hate to see her hurting, but, she is sleeping now, and that will do her a world of good, I hope. She was so sweet today. I got up and she had made a fort in the living room with blankets, and pillows and all sorts of things. The bird even got the idea that he could come and play with her in the fort, that didn't go so well though. We went to the park and played and that was a lot of fun for both of us I think. Then to a late lunch and the thrift store... then we got sick. And now, as I have said, she's sleeping for the moment, I am hoping that she will stay that way until at least morning.
My eyes are getting really fuzzy now, I have to take out my contacts before I can't see anything. Good night for now...Ciao!!
Finished with the first Quarter....
I started off with this one yesterday and I just couldn't seem to find anything that I wanted to say. This morning, however, I am, once again, ready to put stuff out there.
I didn't have the best morning today. I didn't want to get up and I really wanted Thomas to take Piper to school... That didn't happen. Instead, Piper and I went to the store, got some breakfast, and a lunch for her, and then off to school. It was a nice little time for her and I. I do enjoy our little dates in the morning. Got home, and I had to fold the sheets for work, so I did that next. And then, I decided that instead of going to snuggle with Thomas, which I would normally do if I don't have to be to work until 10, I laid down on the couch and tried to remember to smile. To be grateful for all that I have and to not be grumpy. I was grumpy this morning. I don't like waking up like that either. It's just not fair. I should be sunshine in the mornings, after coffee. Got ready for work, left. I couldn't get into the groove with the music on the radio, so I put in a CD. Slightly better.
So, I am at work, and I get my two massages done for the morning, and get something to eat. Come back to the office and I don't have another appointment until 5 p.m. It's 1:20 p.m. So I was going through my emails and I found one that was talking about a lecture that was given a couple of years ago. So I watched it, and I loved it!!
The guys name is Vishen Lakhiani. He is the founder of MindValley, a company that puts good things out there. They publish and help people to become better versions of themselves. So, in this talk, he was talking about flow. And being in the flow of your life. And then, he said there are 10 things that he does at his company to help create happiness for his employees. I was blown away at these, because, really, every company could benefit from these ideas. I know if I had to work for someone, or if I was the owner of a small business, these are things that I would love to make sure that I do for them. I want to have happy people work for me, because, a happy worker is a good worker. And a good worker likes to come to work... I am still in the phase of loving what I do, but, I see what I want to do... I have goals. Anyhow I am working on living in the flow which isn't as hard as I thought it would be... I can only see so far into the future, but, at this point, I think that future is no longer so far off that it's unobtainable. It does seem to me that the power of our minds is much greater that we thought :)
I didn't have the best morning today. I didn't want to get up and I really wanted Thomas to take Piper to school... That didn't happen. Instead, Piper and I went to the store, got some breakfast, and a lunch for her, and then off to school. It was a nice little time for her and I. I do enjoy our little dates in the morning. Got home, and I had to fold the sheets for work, so I did that next. And then, I decided that instead of going to snuggle with Thomas, which I would normally do if I don't have to be to work until 10, I laid down on the couch and tried to remember to smile. To be grateful for all that I have and to not be grumpy. I was grumpy this morning. I don't like waking up like that either. It's just not fair. I should be sunshine in the mornings, after coffee. Got ready for work, left. I couldn't get into the groove with the music on the radio, so I put in a CD. Slightly better.
So, I am at work, and I get my two massages done for the morning, and get something to eat. Come back to the office and I don't have another appointment until 5 p.m. It's 1:20 p.m. So I was going through my emails and I found one that was talking about a lecture that was given a couple of years ago. So I watched it, and I loved it!!
The guys name is Vishen Lakhiani. He is the founder of MindValley, a company that puts good things out there. They publish and help people to become better versions of themselves. So, in this talk, he was talking about flow. And being in the flow of your life. And then, he said there are 10 things that he does at his company to help create happiness for his employees. I was blown away at these, because, really, every company could benefit from these ideas. I know if I had to work for someone, or if I was the owner of a small business, these are things that I would love to make sure that I do for them. I want to have happy people work for me, because, a happy worker is a good worker. And a good worker likes to come to work... I am still in the phase of loving what I do, but, I see what I want to do... I have goals. Anyhow I am working on living in the flow which isn't as hard as I thought it would be... I can only see so far into the future, but, at this point, I think that future is no longer so far off that it's unobtainable. It does seem to me that the power of our minds is much greater that we thought :)
Monday, April 1, 2013
Losing my Mind
I had all this great stuff I was going to say, and then it was all gone by the end of the day... I hate it when that happens. I tend to blame it on..... congress! They made me this way! Not really, but, it's a great thought.
I am loving the whole working out thing again, tonight, we are doing the hard one... yay us! So, off to change and get fit and then shower and sleep... not to mention my favorite part of working out... The post workout fruit smoothie! So looking forward to that tonight... and sleeping :)
I am loving the whole working out thing again, tonight, we are doing the hard one... yay us! So, off to change and get fit and then shower and sleep... not to mention my favorite part of working out... The post workout fruit smoothie! So looking forward to that tonight... and sleeping :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)