Hello

Sunset walk 

Hello there.. It's been a while.  I thought I would take this opportunity to get reacquainted with one another.

I'll go first... Hello... My name is Julia.  Today marks the anniversary of a day that I watched in horror as the world as I knew it changed.  But, that's not what I wanted to talk about today.

For some of you dear readers, we may believe different things, worship in different ways, have different ideas and solutions to the problems we face.  But, again, that's not what is on my mind tonight.

This week was suicide awareness and in a stroke of irony, life has dealt us the untimely death of a young man in my community.  He was young; 15 in fact.  He did not make it.  I cannot express how deeply this has effected my family and I.  And I as type these words, the music of what one could be considered one of the saddest songs ever written.  The pain and anguish that is felt so completely in this song is utterly heart wrenching.

It's so strange and surreal for us right now.  This young man had been a good friend to my little one.  They had become quick friends, rode bikes together.  He stood up for my little one when the bully on the bus was being a mean bully.  He was a gem for sure.  And for reasons I will never know of, he took his life.  I was called by the school since they knew that they were friends.  I have really only had one other moment that I could compare the gut wrenching experience this was.  I don't want to ever have to deal with either of those again.  Sadly, death will continue in my life as well as everyone else's.

I have had to deal with death a lot more recently too.  I am not good with death.  In fact, when it comes to me being ok with going to a funeral, I am not the greatest.  I will go to this one.  So will the rest of my small family.  My heart aches for this young man's father.  From what I have been told, his mother had passed.  I can't imagine the anguish and grief of this man.  I am so saddened by it.  My eyes have cried a lot for the whole picture of it.  What we lost, what my little one lost, for his family's loss, the community, as well as a future that was stolen too soon.      

It's not fair.  It's not easy to understand why a young person could not see that there was tomorrow just on the horizon.  I cannot wrap my head around the amount of hopelessness that he must have felt in order to go through with such a thing.  I have tried to tell my baby that we may not always see eye to eye, that there is likely going to be a time when she gets into trouble and I get mad.  But there will never be a time when I will be better off without you.  We are all young and do silly stupid things.  It's not new and kids will do sill stupid things for as long as there are kids allowed to play and enjoy being young.  With age comes wisdom.  Wisdom comes from experience.  Experience, unfortunately, comes from bad choices.  We learn as we get older and hopefully we can be happy.  I mean, that's the goal, right.  To be happy.  To enjoy the little things in life that give us so much joy.  Laughing at each other, playing.  I couldn't imagine a better life than to just be happy.  With life in general.

I hope that I am able to teach my girls this.  I know that with me personally, I have a love hate relationship with myself.  I think I am good person most of the time, but then, I can't say that I'm perfect.  I am sometime caddy and can be a mean bitch.  I don't take to new people at work easily and I am very guarded.  But under neath it all, I am a pretty nice person.  At least I think so.  I have a tendency to self evaluate on a regular basis.  And by regular I mean like every few days or so.  Not all the time or anything like that, which would be better, but, I do try to see what I am doing from an external point of view and see what can I do better next time.  I should do this daily in fact.  But once I take a look, I try to see if I am doing something that I don't like, then I try to stop.  If there is something about myself that I don't like, I have only two choices that I can make about it.  I can either fix it, or deal with it as is.  Sometimes I need to change and I don't.  Sometimes I do change what I don't like.  Sometimes I make stupid choices.  But I try to maintain being happy all the time.  There are days and moments, of course, that I am not.  But one those days I try to remember if I have taken my meds or not, and if I haven't, then I do so at that time.  It's not always going to be perfect, but I can try.

I digress.  It's time for bed for me now.  I am looking forward to a good night's sleep.  Well, I am hoping for a good night's sleep at least.  Good night my friends...

A Matter of Treason

In my short life, I have never been able to understand why do some people still believe the lies as told by one who is in charge.  I have so many die hard Trump supporter friends that I find them to be more and more repulsive as the days progress.

Why do I feel this way, you may be asking right now dear reader.  Let me put it to you as I have recently read...
           

          "The anger over Trump is not about a political loss.  It's about the realization that so          many Americans are ok with the kind of person he is.

Please understand that I am not mad at you because Clinton lost.  I am totally unconcerned that you and I have different 'politics'.  And I don't think less of you because you voted one way and I another.

No, I think less of you because you watched an adult mock a disabled person while addressing a crowd and still supported him.  I think less of you because you saw a candidate spout clear racism day after day and still backed him.  I think less of you because you heard him advocate for war crimes and still thought he should be given the reins of government.  I think less of you because you watched him equate a woman's worth to where she landed on a scale of 1 to 10.  I less of you because you stood by silently while he labeled Mexicans as criminals and Muslims as terrorists.

It wasn't your politics I found repulsive.  No, it was your willingness to support someone who spouts racism, sexism, and cruelty almost every time he opens his mouth.  You sided with a bully when it should have mattered most, and that is something I will never be able to forget.So, in response to your post-election expression of hope, no, you and I won't be 'coming together to move forward.'  Obviously, the president-elect discuss me; but it is the fact that he doesn't disgust you that will stick with me long after the election." -Phil Shailer, Hollywood

 I found this, and clearly it was written before POTUS took office.  I cannot agree more with this.  It defines how I have felt about this man taking office since I cried on election night.  Not because it was he that won, but because, as a Liberal, I am proud to think of myself as someone who is a forward thinker, it was like watching a bad movie where it's like you know what the end it, yet, there is no stopping it.  He won and since then, it's been nothing but how great he is and how smart he is and wonderful of a person he is.

I have to say though, in the last near two years, all I have seen is a man who wants to start little fights with people, get into a pissing contest with other world leaders to see if he has a big dick.  He is what I am stuck with until the next election comes along.  And what kills me, is seeing how the rest of the world now sees the country that I would die to protect.  It's like watching the fall of the Roman Empire and helpless to stop it.  

I have remained silent for a long time.  I have watched and been subjected to men and women tell me how wonderful they think he is, the whole time knowing that I am prohibited from saying a word to them in regards to this.  I have tried to make my voice heard, I have voted, which is more than I can say about a lot of my friends, a fact that completely escapes me on how they can just sit by and do nothing. His decisions are effecting everyone around me.  Now I hear that they new candidate for the Supreme Court is going to try to overrule Roe v Wade.  All I can think is how we are going backwards in our progress.  Pretty soon, I am sure I will be told I'm not allowed to drive, and then hold a job.  And for what?! 

I hear that abortion is wrong because it's in the Bible that we shouldn't kill anyone, but, I have yet to hear that we are going to be stoning women for divorcing thier husbands.  I have heard that it's against god's law to be gay, but, we still eat pork, and that was a deadly sin.  I love how so many can pick and chose what parts of that book they want to spout at me, yet, they forget the other parts about it because it's not something that we have to worry about now... Everyone loves bacon right?  Half of American's are divorced right?  

We sit back and preach how great our country is and how much of a world power we are, yet, we are on the brink of another civil war.  We are crumbling from the inside and the whole world is watching this.  

Now, onto the matter of treason... 

I came across this little ditty last week and I was so horrified with it I couldn't comment on it at the time.  And this is what gets me.  The photos are of former heads of state with Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia.  And yes, he did meet with all those lovely folks that he's pictured with.  Now, for those who don't know, in every meeting that our POTUS has, there are a variety of others in the room with him, recording every move, every action of others, every single detail is noted.  It's not that we are upset that Trump met with him.  It's that he decided that he would meet with him in private, with no one there to hear anything being said.. I'm sure Mr. Putin had the conversation recorded, but POTUS wouldn't allow even his secret service guard in the room.  This all coming at a time when the CIA, FBI, and other intelligence agencies have firm evidence that Mr. Putin tampered with our election in 2016, in favor of the current POTUS.  This looks an act of treason to me.  An open act of actually taking the word of Mr. Putin over that of our intelligence agencies because, well, he said he didn't do it, so why wouldn't he believe him.  And then he, POTUS, came out on television and said that he pretty sure that Russia didn't have anything to do with it.  At no time did any of these other individuals met with him in private with no recordings or others present.  This to me screams of treason.  

So you can keep your holier than thou bullshit and shove up your asses!  I'm done being quiet with this.  Because, this is a matter everyone needs to hear about.