Saturday, December 20, 2014
Moving
Today I get to move to a new place. I am very excited about it. You know what makes me mad though, when I bust my ass trying to get everything done before hand, and then it's not right. I am having a hard time with focusing on what I am suppose to be doing today, which is work for a few hours and then go home and get stuff moved. I will be ok, this will be over soon and then I can focus on unpacking and making this the best little place for us. It's all good.... But damn it pisses me off...
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
More Truths...
Recently, I had discovered that I was cowardly. And while, I can see this in myself, I think I have come to some other conclusions about myself. I am not cowardly, I just go about things in a different manner than other people. One thing that was pointed out to me was that, though I have a hard time standing up for myself, I think of being in a time and place long ago. Being in the military was not a cowardly thing.
No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft. I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general. We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news. Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home. While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more.
In combat, I never thought of what might happen. There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing. I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do. I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out. But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why. We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over. But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively. It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with. That was just too scary to think of.
As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air. We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks. We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving. The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit. We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for. Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time. Others, we loved our lives. And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it. I saw no purpose in what I was doing there. I had a job and it was pretty easy for me. I was young and on an adventure.
So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it. I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be. I am a work in progress... And I love that about me.
No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft. I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general. We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news. Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home. While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more.
In combat, I never thought of what might happen. There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing. I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do. I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out. But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why. We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over. But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively. It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with. That was just too scary to think of.
As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air. We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks. We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving. The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit. We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for. Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time. Others, we loved our lives. And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it. I saw no purpose in what I was doing there. I had a job and it was pretty easy for me. I was young and on an adventure.
So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it. I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be. I am a work in progress... And I love that about me.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
The elephant in the room
There has been much debate about what is going on in Ferguson Missouri. I can say that I don't understand it. I have been bombarded with racial propaganda about how it's all about white privilege in this country and I won't understand because I am white and I will never have to experience the racial strife in our country. I would have to say that I don't buy into that.
To start with, I can't say that I don't see color, I do see that we are all different and have different shades of color or lack of color. I see that there are injustices that do cry out for justice in our world. I see that when the riots of the Rodney King verdict were going on, I didn't understand it. Now that I am not 12 I get it. And that was a horrible terrible tragic thing that happened and I understand that. Those men were guilty as sin, as were the other officers who drove by and did NOTHING about it. That it something that is riot worthy... We all should have stood up and said this is wrong and we need to do something to change it.
Now here is where my confusion comes from now. We have a young man, who robbed a store for cigars and cigarillos, was high as a kite, more than 6 feet tall, about 240 pounds who was shot and killed. We have an officer who is not as big, had a young man reach into his car to attack him and shot to kill because he feared for his life. Who am I to say that he was or wasn't afraid. I would expect any person who reaches into a patrol car intending to harm the officer who is driving will be shot and likely killed. To say that this was motivated as a hate crime, in my opinion is completely unfounded. Would we be having all these issues if the cop in question was black? I guess we will never know.
I have known many people, most of them I would call friends, who have a different color of skin than I do. I grew up in an area that the minority group is Apache, not black. Yes I notice when there is a man or woman or family who is not white, but, coming from where I do, it's just not the norm. I still smile and say hello, I don't care what the color of your skin is.
I don't see my life as having what is called white privilege. I see the things that I have in my life as a direct result of me busting my ass for everything. In the Navy it was never about color. It was about rank and gender. I had to work two, three, four times harder than my male counterparts to earn the respect of the guys that I worked with. We all went to the same schools, we all had duty days, and we all had the chance to make the best out of our situation in engineering.
I have heard a lot about the police force in Ferguson is predominantly white. Why is that do you think? I mean, really, why? Is it because young people in Ferguson can't become cops? Is it because it's a bad job? I think it has more to do with not being able to get into the academy. (Now this information is taken from a man who lived in Compton... That's right, gang ridden, black Los Angeles... He's white... it wasn't a easy life as a kid for him. I guess since he had a different color of skin, he was treated poorly and got beat up damn near every day. I have yet to see riots for him) When you live in an area where many kids get into trouble and have a record, they are unable to get into the academy. You can't be out doing things that will get you into trouble. You have to keep your self motivated and try to show respect for others. It doesn't mean that you have respect the person, you just have to show it to them. There have been many people that I do NOT respect as people, but I respect the position.
There are some really hateful people out there, and I get it, it's hard to deal with them. But, I have a news flash for everyone. This is not the 1950's. There are no separate places for people to use the restrooms or order food. Each and every one of us had the capacity and ability to pull themselves out of whatever situation they are in and make it better. We have a chance as making it big, we all can make this a better place for our kids.
It's not just the police who are doing things wrong, because something, they are people after all, they make mistakes, it's more like the media who is fueling this constant hate and discontent with each other. To have given the facts, all that had to be said was a young man was shot and killed by an officer today after getting a report that the young man had robbed a store. There are the facts... Why do they have to specify what color he is. The other night, I think Tuesday, I came home and listened to the news about a man who was involved in some sort of police altercation. There was no mention of either of their skin colors... Because it's not important. You break the law, you run the risk of getting caught. It's not demographics, it's our laws.
Now on the opposite side of the spectrum, the man who was killed after being put into a choke hold in New York should receive justice for that. According the rules of that police department, that is an illegal hold to subdue anyone, he should be punished for that. There is no excuse for breaking the rules and being able to get away with it. In my mind, that is an example of bad judgment and even more bad calls because not only was a man killed who didn't need to be, the officer who did it, will not face charges. How sad!! That's a horrible injustice and slap in the face for everyone! Kind of makes me wonder again, if the officer was black, would he have been charged? We will never know. But that makes me mad.
Not only do I get upset with constant black and white talk, I get upset with people who try to preach that if I don't understand why they are trying to say these things, then I am part of the problem too. I don't see that. I'm not promoting hate, I don't discriminate against anyone based on skin color, I base it on actions alone. If you're an evil cunt, I will treat you as such, and if you have a beautiful soul that I want to be around, then that's what I'm going to do, is be around you as much as I can. Yes, I see color. Yes, I am white, and yes, I grew up in a white community. However, that does not automatically make me anything other than a female who is from a small town in Arizona. I have seen the world, and all sorts of people. I have loved many, of all colors, and I have lost some that I have loved. I am sorry that there is not justice for those who deserve it and I am sorry that bad things happen.
And lastly, I think we should be looking at parents of thug teenagers who commit crimes who are shit head bullies. I can't see how you would live so blindly to think your son or daughter was this perfect example of a person. At some point, you know what you're kids are up to and you know who they are long before they ever do. To think that you're not aware of their actions, good bad or otherwise is simply saying that you don't care enough about your kids to make an effort to know what they're up to. It's called being a good parent. We as parents have to pull ourselves out of our computer, and phone, and tablets and take a look at what they are or are not doing, who they are hanging out with, and help them to become PRODUCTIVE members of the society that we all live in! We are their role models and if we don't want them to grow up and act just like us, then we need to set a better example for them to follow! I have a lot of work to do for myself. I am far from perfect, but, I want to teach my girls that love knows no color. We are not born hating others for their skin, we are taught that, and I hope that I do a good job teaching them that we are not here to hate others... We are here to help, to spread joy, to give love, and to be a shining light for the world to see. We have to be the change we want to see in the world... I am still working on that, I hope that my girls will see that, and see that I am doing a good job of teaching them these things... ~End Rant~
If I have offended you with my opinions, then, oh well. I have been offended a lot by what other people have said lately too. I guess we are all sensitive. I just don't let it rule my life and take away my sunshine...
To start with, I can't say that I don't see color, I do see that we are all different and have different shades of color or lack of color. I see that there are injustices that do cry out for justice in our world. I see that when the riots of the Rodney King verdict were going on, I didn't understand it. Now that I am not 12 I get it. And that was a horrible terrible tragic thing that happened and I understand that. Those men were guilty as sin, as were the other officers who drove by and did NOTHING about it. That it something that is riot worthy... We all should have stood up and said this is wrong and we need to do something to change it.
Now here is where my confusion comes from now. We have a young man, who robbed a store for cigars and cigarillos, was high as a kite, more than 6 feet tall, about 240 pounds who was shot and killed. We have an officer who is not as big, had a young man reach into his car to attack him and shot to kill because he feared for his life. Who am I to say that he was or wasn't afraid. I would expect any person who reaches into a patrol car intending to harm the officer who is driving will be shot and likely killed. To say that this was motivated as a hate crime, in my opinion is completely unfounded. Would we be having all these issues if the cop in question was black? I guess we will never know.
I have known many people, most of them I would call friends, who have a different color of skin than I do. I grew up in an area that the minority group is Apache, not black. Yes I notice when there is a man or woman or family who is not white, but, coming from where I do, it's just not the norm. I still smile and say hello, I don't care what the color of your skin is.
I don't see my life as having what is called white privilege. I see the things that I have in my life as a direct result of me busting my ass for everything. In the Navy it was never about color. It was about rank and gender. I had to work two, three, four times harder than my male counterparts to earn the respect of the guys that I worked with. We all went to the same schools, we all had duty days, and we all had the chance to make the best out of our situation in engineering.
I have heard a lot about the police force in Ferguson is predominantly white. Why is that do you think? I mean, really, why? Is it because young people in Ferguson can't become cops? Is it because it's a bad job? I think it has more to do with not being able to get into the academy. (Now this information is taken from a man who lived in Compton... That's right, gang ridden, black Los Angeles... He's white... it wasn't a easy life as a kid for him. I guess since he had a different color of skin, he was treated poorly and got beat up damn near every day. I have yet to see riots for him) When you live in an area where many kids get into trouble and have a record, they are unable to get into the academy. You can't be out doing things that will get you into trouble. You have to keep your self motivated and try to show respect for others. It doesn't mean that you have respect the person, you just have to show it to them. There have been many people that I do NOT respect as people, but I respect the position.
There are some really hateful people out there, and I get it, it's hard to deal with them. But, I have a news flash for everyone. This is not the 1950's. There are no separate places for people to use the restrooms or order food. Each and every one of us had the capacity and ability to pull themselves out of whatever situation they are in and make it better. We have a chance as making it big, we all can make this a better place for our kids.
It's not just the police who are doing things wrong, because something, they are people after all, they make mistakes, it's more like the media who is fueling this constant hate and discontent with each other. To have given the facts, all that had to be said was a young man was shot and killed by an officer today after getting a report that the young man had robbed a store. There are the facts... Why do they have to specify what color he is. The other night, I think Tuesday, I came home and listened to the news about a man who was involved in some sort of police altercation. There was no mention of either of their skin colors... Because it's not important. You break the law, you run the risk of getting caught. It's not demographics, it's our laws.
Now on the opposite side of the spectrum, the man who was killed after being put into a choke hold in New York should receive justice for that. According the rules of that police department, that is an illegal hold to subdue anyone, he should be punished for that. There is no excuse for breaking the rules and being able to get away with it. In my mind, that is an example of bad judgment and even more bad calls because not only was a man killed who didn't need to be, the officer who did it, will not face charges. How sad!! That's a horrible injustice and slap in the face for everyone! Kind of makes me wonder again, if the officer was black, would he have been charged? We will never know. But that makes me mad.
Not only do I get upset with constant black and white talk, I get upset with people who try to preach that if I don't understand why they are trying to say these things, then I am part of the problem too. I don't see that. I'm not promoting hate, I don't discriminate against anyone based on skin color, I base it on actions alone. If you're an evil cunt, I will treat you as such, and if you have a beautiful soul that I want to be around, then that's what I'm going to do, is be around you as much as I can. Yes, I see color. Yes, I am white, and yes, I grew up in a white community. However, that does not automatically make me anything other than a female who is from a small town in Arizona. I have seen the world, and all sorts of people. I have loved many, of all colors, and I have lost some that I have loved. I am sorry that there is not justice for those who deserve it and I am sorry that bad things happen.
And lastly, I think we should be looking at parents of thug teenagers who commit crimes who are shit head bullies. I can't see how you would live so blindly to think your son or daughter was this perfect example of a person. At some point, you know what you're kids are up to and you know who they are long before they ever do. To think that you're not aware of their actions, good bad or otherwise is simply saying that you don't care enough about your kids to make an effort to know what they're up to. It's called being a good parent. We as parents have to pull ourselves out of our computer, and phone, and tablets and take a look at what they are or are not doing, who they are hanging out with, and help them to become PRODUCTIVE members of the society that we all live in! We are their role models and if we don't want them to grow up and act just like us, then we need to set a better example for them to follow! I have a lot of work to do for myself. I am far from perfect, but, I want to teach my girls that love knows no color. We are not born hating others for their skin, we are taught that, and I hope that I do a good job teaching them that we are not here to hate others... We are here to help, to spread joy, to give love, and to be a shining light for the world to see. We have to be the change we want to see in the world... I am still working on that, I hope that my girls will see that, and see that I am doing a good job of teaching them these things... ~End Rant~
If I have offended you with my opinions, then, oh well. I have been offended a lot by what other people have said lately too. I guess we are all sensitive. I just don't let it rule my life and take away my sunshine...
Saturday, November 29, 2014
The truth
Recently I have discovered a truth about myself that I completely hate! I have known about this for some time, and I have yet to decide how to fix this.
I am a coward. I am the biggest piece of chicken shit that I know of. I want so badly to change this, and yet, I have not figured out how to do it.
I am not sure how this ever happened or why this is, but, for whatever the reason, I have become the epitome of what I despise. I could easily blame it on someone or something that happened when I was a child, but, I can't pin point it. I just know that I am not who I want to be, nor am I who I make out to be.
I have tried to sit by and watch things unfold and not get any bandwagon of who is right or wrong and were those actions justified, but I don't think I will stay silent much longer. I have a very hard time standing up for myself or my family. I allow others to run me over and push their ideas and thoughts on me and take them as my own. I have much soul searching to do. I can't be this person anymore. If your used to me being the polite girl who doesn't ever want to get involved in an argument, then you may be surprised when I tell you that I am more than willing to take on that fight. Part of the reason why I don't get involved is because I don't know all the facts. And to me, there is nothing more irritating than someone who is just spouting shit off with out finding out facts. I will use what I know and I will use my educated opinion about things. If this is something that you can't handle, well, perhaps we will part ways as friends. It's not going to hurt my feelings, but I am tired of letting others control how I feel.
I was recently told this about myself and then asked what I don't like about me... I think that is a good question, but, this is what I hate about me. I hate feeling like I have to bend to the ways of others. I am tired of letting anyone else take that from me.
How will I overcome this? I don't know yet. I know that it will involve not going along with others want me to do. It will involve me getting into arguments, but, keep this in mind. Just because I have an argument with you, doesn't mean that I don't like you or don't respect you. It just means we don't see eye to eye.
I try to preach about loving yourself and if there are parts that you don't like, change them. Looks like I have some work to do on myself. Not just some either, this is a big thing! I want to be the person who is honest with people about what I want and what I don't want or what I think or what I don't think. I can't be the cowardice person anymore. I have to be that brave girl who didn't let anyone roll over her. I am that girl once again...
I am a coward. I am the biggest piece of chicken shit that I know of. I want so badly to change this, and yet, I have not figured out how to do it.
I am not sure how this ever happened or why this is, but, for whatever the reason, I have become the epitome of what I despise. I could easily blame it on someone or something that happened when I was a child, but, I can't pin point it. I just know that I am not who I want to be, nor am I who I make out to be.
I have tried to sit by and watch things unfold and not get any bandwagon of who is right or wrong and were those actions justified, but I don't think I will stay silent much longer. I have a very hard time standing up for myself or my family. I allow others to run me over and push their ideas and thoughts on me and take them as my own. I have much soul searching to do. I can't be this person anymore. If your used to me being the polite girl who doesn't ever want to get involved in an argument, then you may be surprised when I tell you that I am more than willing to take on that fight. Part of the reason why I don't get involved is because I don't know all the facts. And to me, there is nothing more irritating than someone who is just spouting shit off with out finding out facts. I will use what I know and I will use my educated opinion about things. If this is something that you can't handle, well, perhaps we will part ways as friends. It's not going to hurt my feelings, but I am tired of letting others control how I feel.
I was recently told this about myself and then asked what I don't like about me... I think that is a good question, but, this is what I hate about me. I hate feeling like I have to bend to the ways of others. I am tired of letting anyone else take that from me.
How will I overcome this? I don't know yet. I know that it will involve not going along with others want me to do. It will involve me getting into arguments, but, keep this in mind. Just because I have an argument with you, doesn't mean that I don't like you or don't respect you. It just means we don't see eye to eye.
I try to preach about loving yourself and if there are parts that you don't like, change them. Looks like I have some work to do on myself. Not just some either, this is a big thing! I want to be the person who is honest with people about what I want and what I don't want or what I think or what I don't think. I can't be the cowardice person anymore. I have to be that brave girl who didn't let anyone roll over her. I am that girl once again...
Friday, November 21, 2014
Becoming what I want to be
I have always had the dream of being something big one day. Being a name people would see and instantly recognize. I didn't want my face to be out there, because let's face it, too many times the paparazzi catch you at the worst possible moment, like, when you haven't showered and needed to go to the store to get coffee creamer and they are like, oh my gosh, look how terrible she looks without makeup.
I have dreamed of being a writer since I could remember. I wanted to tell the world my point of view. With joining the Navy, I am finally reaching that goal. I don't tell myself that I want to be a writer, I keep telling myself I AM a writer. I am working towards that goal of writing the novel that makes everyone stop and think for a moment. It's just about my experiences in the United States Navy and how it affected the way I am. I am so excited to share these thoughts and experiences with the world. I keep seeing myself on the Ellen Show talking about some of the things in the book and what were the real life things and was it really like that. I see her giving copies to the whole audience. I see it being on Oprah's book of the month. I see it being huge!
I had wanted to get this done by the time by birthday came. Well, October 9th came and went and so then I thought before Thanksgiving... I am working hard for that one, but, I don't know. We will see... every word that I write is closer to my goal... I am a writer... You will love it!!
I have dreamed of being a writer since I could remember. I wanted to tell the world my point of view. With joining the Navy, I am finally reaching that goal. I don't tell myself that I want to be a writer, I keep telling myself I AM a writer. I am working towards that goal of writing the novel that makes everyone stop and think for a moment. It's just about my experiences in the United States Navy and how it affected the way I am. I am so excited to share these thoughts and experiences with the world. I keep seeing myself on the Ellen Show talking about some of the things in the book and what were the real life things and was it really like that. I see her giving copies to the whole audience. I see it being on Oprah's book of the month. I see it being huge!
I had wanted to get this done by the time by birthday came. Well, October 9th came and went and so then I thought before Thanksgiving... I am working hard for that one, but, I don't know. We will see... every word that I write is closer to my goal... I am a writer... You will love it!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Something more
This morning before I left for work, we had on Good Morning America. And on it, they were talking about a man who had been signed to a team, baseball, for 13 years for $325 million dollars. What??? I wasn't sure if I had heard that correctly, and again, they said it, $325 million dollars to play a game for entertainment. Then, they talked about some other players who had also signed large contracts in the last few years, including one that stood out to me. A-Rod. He was signed to the Yankees for however long for $200+ million dollars. He was found to be using performance enhancing drugs and had been suspended this past season. With pay. How is that possible I wondered. Why would a player who knows the rules and clearly broke them, be paid to not play. At the end of that segment, Robin said, "Good for him." Like this was some sort of major accomplishment to be the highest paid player of all time. It didn't make sense to me.
Thomas and I talked about this the whole way to work. What the hell is wrong with this picture? With these salaries going up and prices rising for tickets, I don't understand how we as a country can afford to do this. There is much talk about how our economy is in the shit can, but I don't believe that. We pay people to entertain us for nearly a billion dollars a year in salaries for these teams. Cheap seats at the events usually run about $200 a seat and they are still selling out stadiums. Wow, that's a lot of money to be spending for the people who can't afford it. We pay in the billions of dollars in movie entertainment every year. I mean, I'm looking forward to seeing the next Hunger Games as well as the last Hobbit movie, but, so are a lot of people. We still have lines at Starbucks in the morning and all little coffee shops for that matter. We are so worried about having everything that we could possibly want that we are forgetting that we are in a bad economy.
With all this money that is being spent, I am still unnerved by those who don't want to raise the minimum wage, saying that it's only the uneducated people who make minimum wage and they don't deserve to make any more than that. Wow, that's a bold statement. I know that where I live, there are many companies whose secretaries only make minimum wage. What about the paralegal who does all the research for an attorney who only makes $9.00 a hour so her boss can charge $250 an hour. Hardly seems fair to me. There are millions of people who make only the minimum in our country. They aren't uneducated and they certainly aren't all working for McDonald's. Now I do see how this could affect the small businesses' of our country. Some can only barely afford to pay the small amount of help that they have. That would be terrible if those had to be let go because their employer can't afford to keep them, but I think that isn't going to be the whole case. Now, we have large, billion dollar companies who say that paying their employees enough money to be able to pay for their rent and food will make the prices of their product go up, and I don't believe that. It would mean a loss in profit for these companies. Oh wow, so instead of only making 12 billion dollars like we had projected for the year, we will only make 9 billion. That would be tragic I'm sure. Poor you, CEO of multi-billion dollar company who won't have the 12 million dollar bonus at the end of the year... you will only get 6 million. Yep, I see how terrible that would be for the economy.
Then there is still the issue with our healthcare. Last night, a friend came over and was telling us that he went online to the healthcare.gov website and found a plan that would be only $282 a month. Wow, that doesn't sound unreasonable. But wait, the deductible is $10,000. So how is that affordable? I mean the whole idea of having insurance is to give us coverage, but when you have to met the deductible, you're paying for the whole visit anyway. What about those who don't really have health problems and only get sick once or twice a year? I have heard time and time again, this is Obama's fault, and I have to tell you, that's not the case. True he did make it required, but, the healthcare and insurance companies are the one's who say how much your plans will be. They are one's who set prices and make the decisions. It wasn't Obama who told the insurance companies that they could charge whatever they charge. It's easy to blame the one came up with this. I know, there are many who do, but, he didn't set the parameters for it.
During our drive, we also talked about how there are many Republican governors who are trying to get rid of unions. They have been heard saying that it's bad for our economy, and they go after the teachers unions and the firefighter and police unions. The steelworkers unions and coal miners unions have all been targeted. What strikes me as strange, why aren't they going after the player's unions, like NFL and the baseball players union and the basketball unions? Oh wait, it's because they bring in so much money in taxes for the city, county, state that they are in with each game. What if they strike, we can't have that, do you know how much money they would lose in tax revenue for those games that aren't being played? Once again, it's in the millions. We can't lose that money.
Do I say these things because I'm poor and I have nothing better to do? Well, I am living with my parents and we have been trying to save money on the meager salary I do make as well as Thomas's income, and yes, I live below the poverty line. It's not easy, and I will be glad when we have our own place again. But I don't say these things for that reason. I say them because I see a problem with this and I have no way to doing anything about it, except for being the one who says something about it. I don't see players standing up and saying that's way too much money for me to make for entertaining people. I don't see the CEO of Blue Cross Blue Shield saying we should be helping people, not making it harder for them. I certainly don't see any actors saying wait, it's a movie, it's nothing big like saving a life. Nope, and you won't see it. You don't see the officer who talks the person off a bridge get a reward or a bonus for that. You see him treated like shit, because he/she wears that uniform. You don't see the firefighter who saved the kitten from a burning house get anything special from that act of heroism. You see him as someone who was just doing his job, and he doesn't deserve anything special from it. Yet, they are ones who deserve that bonus. They put their life on the line to save others daily and they get nothing, not even death benefits for spouses or pensions.
We have such a skewed idea of who deserves to be treated like royalty, and who actually is. It's a sad sad thing for me to see. There are so many who have put their life on the line for others and will never get due recognition yet, we see those who are really good at playing a game, or acting and we see them as some sort of group of demi-gods, who are above the rest of us. They make up such a small few that it's strange we don't do anything about it. Greed has taken over our world and turned it into a place that I don't want to raise my daughter in. But I will. And I will not let this defeat me, it's just something that I don't understand, but I will continue to try to raise awareness of it. Just sitting here, writing, hoping others will feel the same way and maybe, just maybe, we can make this a better place for our kids. That is all... :)
Thomas and I talked about this the whole way to work. What the hell is wrong with this picture? With these salaries going up and prices rising for tickets, I don't understand how we as a country can afford to do this. There is much talk about how our economy is in the shit can, but I don't believe that. We pay people to entertain us for nearly a billion dollars a year in salaries for these teams. Cheap seats at the events usually run about $200 a seat and they are still selling out stadiums. Wow, that's a lot of money to be spending for the people who can't afford it. We pay in the billions of dollars in movie entertainment every year. I mean, I'm looking forward to seeing the next Hunger Games as well as the last Hobbit movie, but, so are a lot of people. We still have lines at Starbucks in the morning and all little coffee shops for that matter. We are so worried about having everything that we could possibly want that we are forgetting that we are in a bad economy.
With all this money that is being spent, I am still unnerved by those who don't want to raise the minimum wage, saying that it's only the uneducated people who make minimum wage and they don't deserve to make any more than that. Wow, that's a bold statement. I know that where I live, there are many companies whose secretaries only make minimum wage. What about the paralegal who does all the research for an attorney who only makes $9.00 a hour so her boss can charge $250 an hour. Hardly seems fair to me. There are millions of people who make only the minimum in our country. They aren't uneducated and they certainly aren't all working for McDonald's. Now I do see how this could affect the small businesses' of our country. Some can only barely afford to pay the small amount of help that they have. That would be terrible if those had to be let go because their employer can't afford to keep them, but I think that isn't going to be the whole case. Now, we have large, billion dollar companies who say that paying their employees enough money to be able to pay for their rent and food will make the prices of their product go up, and I don't believe that. It would mean a loss in profit for these companies. Oh wow, so instead of only making 12 billion dollars like we had projected for the year, we will only make 9 billion. That would be tragic I'm sure. Poor you, CEO of multi-billion dollar company who won't have the 12 million dollar bonus at the end of the year... you will only get 6 million. Yep, I see how terrible that would be for the economy.
Then there is still the issue with our healthcare. Last night, a friend came over and was telling us that he went online to the healthcare.gov website and found a plan that would be only $282 a month. Wow, that doesn't sound unreasonable. But wait, the deductible is $10,000. So how is that affordable? I mean the whole idea of having insurance is to give us coverage, but when you have to met the deductible, you're paying for the whole visit anyway. What about those who don't really have health problems and only get sick once or twice a year? I have heard time and time again, this is Obama's fault, and I have to tell you, that's not the case. True he did make it required, but, the healthcare and insurance companies are the one's who say how much your plans will be. They are one's who set prices and make the decisions. It wasn't Obama who told the insurance companies that they could charge whatever they charge. It's easy to blame the one came up with this. I know, there are many who do, but, he didn't set the parameters for it.
During our drive, we also talked about how there are many Republican governors who are trying to get rid of unions. They have been heard saying that it's bad for our economy, and they go after the teachers unions and the firefighter and police unions. The steelworkers unions and coal miners unions have all been targeted. What strikes me as strange, why aren't they going after the player's unions, like NFL and the baseball players union and the basketball unions? Oh wait, it's because they bring in so much money in taxes for the city, county, state that they are in with each game. What if they strike, we can't have that, do you know how much money they would lose in tax revenue for those games that aren't being played? Once again, it's in the millions. We can't lose that money.
Do I say these things because I'm poor and I have nothing better to do? Well, I am living with my parents and we have been trying to save money on the meager salary I do make as well as Thomas's income, and yes, I live below the poverty line. It's not easy, and I will be glad when we have our own place again. But I don't say these things for that reason. I say them because I see a problem with this and I have no way to doing anything about it, except for being the one who says something about it. I don't see players standing up and saying that's way too much money for me to make for entertaining people. I don't see the CEO of Blue Cross Blue Shield saying we should be helping people, not making it harder for them. I certainly don't see any actors saying wait, it's a movie, it's nothing big like saving a life. Nope, and you won't see it. You don't see the officer who talks the person off a bridge get a reward or a bonus for that. You see him treated like shit, because he/she wears that uniform. You don't see the firefighter who saved the kitten from a burning house get anything special from that act of heroism. You see him as someone who was just doing his job, and he doesn't deserve anything special from it. Yet, they are ones who deserve that bonus. They put their life on the line to save others daily and they get nothing, not even death benefits for spouses or pensions.
We have such a skewed idea of who deserves to be treated like royalty, and who actually is. It's a sad sad thing for me to see. There are so many who have put their life on the line for others and will never get due recognition yet, we see those who are really good at playing a game, or acting and we see them as some sort of group of demi-gods, who are above the rest of us. They make up such a small few that it's strange we don't do anything about it. Greed has taken over our world and turned it into a place that I don't want to raise my daughter in. But I will. And I will not let this defeat me, it's just something that I don't understand, but I will continue to try to raise awareness of it. Just sitting here, writing, hoping others will feel the same way and maybe, just maybe, we can make this a better place for our kids. That is all... :)
Friday, September 19, 2014
Feeling a little lost
When I can't sleep, which is often, I tend to go through what I want to say here. How do I want to portray my family and my opinion. I want to keep much of it private, but, there are days that I really want to shout to the world what's going on with me. I mostly talk about me though. I don't want to air dirty laundry on the internet because it leaves people thinking that I am welcoming them into my life. I'm not. I just need to vent from time to time.
This past month has been very exciting for me. I enrolled in school again, taking one of the last two classes that I need for my Associate's Degree in general studies. I will be taking Introduction to Ethics. The name of the book is Intro to Moral Philosophy. I am very excited about this. I got to go to a painting class this weekend. It was a lot of fun, and I will be going again soon. We painted a version of Starry Night, my favorite painting. My mom's was really cool.
I was very sad about the death of Robin Williams. So much so that for two days, I actually cried about it. I don't look at Hollywood as a group of special people and when someone dies over there, I usually look at it like, well, I'm sorry for the family's loss, death is never easy, but this one, wow, it caught me off guard and I couldn't help but be saddened by this. Which got me to thinking about mental health in our country and all that goes with it. There are varying degrees of pain when it comes to the physical as well as the mental body. I can only imagine what one has to be feeling when it comes to the point of taking your own life.
I saw on Facebook one of my friends had said, I have no sympathy for those who commit suicide. Wow, I thought, that was a bit harsh. To me, it's not about the death of the person, it's about the life they led. How much pain and suffering does one have to be in to get to that point? I know that it's different for everyone. I have thought about it at different times in my life, and just didn't do it for different reasons. When I was young, sometime during my freshman or sophomore year in high school, I remember sitting on the bus going home one day thinking about it. Life wasn't fun, I felt like I had no friends. And the friends that I did have didn't really seem to be friends at all (which turned out to be true for most them, but not all). It was hard to not think about such things, but, I decided that it was a selfish move on my part and to not think of it again. The next time I thought about it was just after my first deployment. I had totally fallen in love with Piper's dad and he ended it rather harshly for me. He wasn't trying to be mean, we just had to stop our relationship at that time. I went on self destruct mode for about a month or so, and it wasn't pretty. I even remember thinking I have a bottle of Absolute at the house, all I need is a bottle of Tylenol PM and it's all over... oops, just missed the turn for Walgreens, oh well. So I just downed the vodka that night instead. The last time was about a month or so after we separated. I just didn't want to feel that pain anymore. It was so bad. I was so crushed. But, I looked at Piper and thought that there is no way I was going to let anyone else raise my daughter. I would be better than that, and I will not give in to this feeling. She was my salvation and I have told her that she's saved me in more ways than she will ever know. I know she doesn't get it, but, she knows how lucky I am to have such a beautiful girl.
When I got out of the Navy, I wanted to party and give in to the depression that I was going through. It was heartbreaking to me what had happened. And, it was no one's fault but my own. So I get it, I understand that feeling of drowning in our own world of self-loathing and discontent. I know how it feels, and it makes me sad to think that when someone kills themselves, they have lost all hope for anything ever getting better. Through all of my adventures and life, I never lost hope that things would work out for me. I just knew I was destined for something greater and so kept holding on, it's coming. I can understand, to an extent the pain that one goes through to come to that decision, but, my heart goes out to them, that for them, there was no hope left. There wasn't anything that could help them.. Not the smile of their children, not the love of their spouse, no hope of anything better. I am deeply saddened by that. No hope. I guess I have to hand it to my mother and father for telling me that through it all, there is always hope of something better. It's just a matter of finding that small light. That flicker of humanity left in the world for me to cling to.
I have lots of goals in my life, and one that I keep coming back to, is helping disables veterans. Doing whatever I can to make their life better, be it reading to them, finding a new TV or being able to pay for whatever they have to have. I want to think that at some point I will be able to do those things. I often see myself with a over abundance of money that will allow me to spend ample time and money at the Veterans hospital doing whatever I can to make their lives better. I find it completely disgraceful that our country treats our vets so poorly. There is no reason for it, and to think that any vet in our country is homeless or unemployed for any reason is shameful. They are group very close to my heart and I know that no matter what I end up achieving in this life, I know that I will do whatever I can to help. When we, Thomas and I, are able to get our roller skating rink going, I know that vets are on the top of the list of people we would like to employ... Closely followed by non-violent felons... mainly because I know that I have made mistakes in my life that I could have ended up in a bad situation, and everyone deserves a second chance.
Anyhow, I think that is my rant for the day. I have tried getting this done for the last month and it's taken me this long to get it done. Only one post left in the draft file to get done... yay!!! Until I finish it... Peace :)
This past month has been very exciting for me. I enrolled in school again, taking one of the last two classes that I need for my Associate's Degree in general studies. I will be taking Introduction to Ethics. The name of the book is Intro to Moral Philosophy. I am very excited about this. I got to go to a painting class this weekend. It was a lot of fun, and I will be going again soon. We painted a version of Starry Night, my favorite painting. My mom's was really cool.
I was very sad about the death of Robin Williams. So much so that for two days, I actually cried about it. I don't look at Hollywood as a group of special people and when someone dies over there, I usually look at it like, well, I'm sorry for the family's loss, death is never easy, but this one, wow, it caught me off guard and I couldn't help but be saddened by this. Which got me to thinking about mental health in our country and all that goes with it. There are varying degrees of pain when it comes to the physical as well as the mental body. I can only imagine what one has to be feeling when it comes to the point of taking your own life.
I saw on Facebook one of my friends had said, I have no sympathy for those who commit suicide. Wow, I thought, that was a bit harsh. To me, it's not about the death of the person, it's about the life they led. How much pain and suffering does one have to be in to get to that point? I know that it's different for everyone. I have thought about it at different times in my life, and just didn't do it for different reasons. When I was young, sometime during my freshman or sophomore year in high school, I remember sitting on the bus going home one day thinking about it. Life wasn't fun, I felt like I had no friends. And the friends that I did have didn't really seem to be friends at all (which turned out to be true for most them, but not all). It was hard to not think about such things, but, I decided that it was a selfish move on my part and to not think of it again. The next time I thought about it was just after my first deployment. I had totally fallen in love with Piper's dad and he ended it rather harshly for me. He wasn't trying to be mean, we just had to stop our relationship at that time. I went on self destruct mode for about a month or so, and it wasn't pretty. I even remember thinking I have a bottle of Absolute at the house, all I need is a bottle of Tylenol PM and it's all over... oops, just missed the turn for Walgreens, oh well. So I just downed the vodka that night instead. The last time was about a month or so after we separated. I just didn't want to feel that pain anymore. It was so bad. I was so crushed. But, I looked at Piper and thought that there is no way I was going to let anyone else raise my daughter. I would be better than that, and I will not give in to this feeling. She was my salvation and I have told her that she's saved me in more ways than she will ever know. I know she doesn't get it, but, she knows how lucky I am to have such a beautiful girl.
When I got out of the Navy, I wanted to party and give in to the depression that I was going through. It was heartbreaking to me what had happened. And, it was no one's fault but my own. So I get it, I understand that feeling of drowning in our own world of self-loathing and discontent. I know how it feels, and it makes me sad to think that when someone kills themselves, they have lost all hope for anything ever getting better. Through all of my adventures and life, I never lost hope that things would work out for me. I just knew I was destined for something greater and so kept holding on, it's coming. I can understand, to an extent the pain that one goes through to come to that decision, but, my heart goes out to them, that for them, there was no hope left. There wasn't anything that could help them.. Not the smile of their children, not the love of their spouse, no hope of anything better. I am deeply saddened by that. No hope. I guess I have to hand it to my mother and father for telling me that through it all, there is always hope of something better. It's just a matter of finding that small light. That flicker of humanity left in the world for me to cling to.
I have lots of goals in my life, and one that I keep coming back to, is helping disables veterans. Doing whatever I can to make their life better, be it reading to them, finding a new TV or being able to pay for whatever they have to have. I want to think that at some point I will be able to do those things. I often see myself with a over abundance of money that will allow me to spend ample time and money at the Veterans hospital doing whatever I can to make their lives better. I find it completely disgraceful that our country treats our vets so poorly. There is no reason for it, and to think that any vet in our country is homeless or unemployed for any reason is shameful. They are group very close to my heart and I know that no matter what I end up achieving in this life, I know that I will do whatever I can to help. When we, Thomas and I, are able to get our roller skating rink going, I know that vets are on the top of the list of people we would like to employ... Closely followed by non-violent felons... mainly because I know that I have made mistakes in my life that I could have ended up in a bad situation, and everyone deserves a second chance.
Anyhow, I think that is my rant for the day. I have tried getting this done for the last month and it's taken me this long to get it done. Only one post left in the draft file to get done... yay!!! Until I finish it... Peace :)
Monday, September 15, 2014
The new place and all that
So, we have been at our new place for a little over a month now. It's not that bad. Not at all. In fact, it's my parents house, and I'm in my own room with my stuff... not a lot of my stuff, but enough to get by. I had ordered a new workout program, into the fourth week of it now, which I am finding that I love this one so much. I love the increased flexibility, and the fact that I don't hurt when I get out of bed in the morning is a huge bonus. I am losing weight too, so that's a good thing for me too.
I have been on Facebook a lot more than what I like, and while I would love to just disconnect like I continually threaten to do, I don't see that happening. I have been called names on there lately, not directly, but, indirectly and I wanted to clear some things up for you all about this.
For one, I don't watch the news and what I do watch, I mostly wish that I hadn't. There is a lot of violence, there are stories about death, and all sorts of things going on in the world that I just don't want to see. I know it's important to know what's going on in the world, but, the news just brings too much bad energy into my home I think.
As for what's going on in the news... There have been riots and all kinds of horrible things going on in different places in our country and it makes me so sad. I have been called racist recently and it was because I posted something on Facebook about a young child, less than two, who was shot in the face by a young man who was robbing his mother. This mother wasn't trying to hurt the young man, she just wanted to get out of the situation alive I imagine. But, it was never on the news, and it wasn't covered by national television. There is no high powered civil rights advocate trying to win justice for this child who was killed so brutally and needlessly. I was told to delete myself because, in this scenario, the child was white, as was his mother and the assailant was black. There are a lot of reason to hate a person but I don't hate anyone based on the colour of their skin. In fact, that makes no difference to me. What makes me upset is the fact that when I pointed this out, I was called all sorts of names. Now, I admit, I did not check the accuracy of the statement of what I posted... I have a bad habit of it, but, either way, it wasn't trying to promote hate and discontent. I was trying to show that violence is not concerned with the colour of a persons skin, if someone is hateful, then anyone not like them will be hated. Doesn't matter what colour, religion, gender, sexual orientation you are, hate is hate. What I was saying with it was how sad that the media will make a huge deal out of a young man who was violent and was killed into some kind of national emergency. It shouldn't be that way. There should be justice for all people in this country, no matter what happens. Am I angry that Al Sharpton isn't going to be able to fight for justice for this small child, who was killed, yes. I am angry that cops are shooting any kind of unarmed kids, yes. Do I think that there is stereo typing in our country, absolutely. But, that doesn't mean that I want it that way. Just because it is that way, doesn't make it right. I want everyone who kills to be tried and convicted just like everyone else does, but, I don't think that the media turning it into a national circus is the way to go about it. I was pretty upset by the whole thing, thinking that I was trying to promote hate and anger when what I tend to put out there is love and peace and being kind to others, so this was something that really hurt. Do I think it's upsetting to know that someone I love and think of highly thinks this way, of course. But I will let it go, and know that it's her loss, not mine. I am sad to think of it that way though.
I had also thought that I was being called a person who was flippant with words, and luckily, it turns out that not everyone someone else says is about me. Thank goodness for that one. I was pretty self centered in that one. Guess it was just me reading too much into what I had said, and what their reply was. I'm not that all powerful, and I'm glad about that.
Today, I am trying to not be sick. I hate being sick and I hate feeling like I am trying to fight it. I can feel the fever trying to take over and I know that I need to get home and into bed. I cannot miss class tomorrow. Not in an accelerated class I can't. I would just lose too much time. Time that I would need to do other things. I am going home early today, to work out, and go to bed. I had two cancelled appointments today, so it's all good. Just hope that I will see them later this week. I am looking forward to my workout though. It's called Sweat. Guess what I will be doing? Anyhow, I think I have run out of things to say for now, so until I can finish the other entry I am working on, I will write more later... Peace, Love, Happiness...
I have been on Facebook a lot more than what I like, and while I would love to just disconnect like I continually threaten to do, I don't see that happening. I have been called names on there lately, not directly, but, indirectly and I wanted to clear some things up for you all about this.
For one, I don't watch the news and what I do watch, I mostly wish that I hadn't. There is a lot of violence, there are stories about death, and all sorts of things going on in the world that I just don't want to see. I know it's important to know what's going on in the world, but, the news just brings too much bad energy into my home I think.
As for what's going on in the news... There have been riots and all kinds of horrible things going on in different places in our country and it makes me so sad. I have been called racist recently and it was because I posted something on Facebook about a young child, less than two, who was shot in the face by a young man who was robbing his mother. This mother wasn't trying to hurt the young man, she just wanted to get out of the situation alive I imagine. But, it was never on the news, and it wasn't covered by national television. There is no high powered civil rights advocate trying to win justice for this child who was killed so brutally and needlessly. I was told to delete myself because, in this scenario, the child was white, as was his mother and the assailant was black. There are a lot of reason to hate a person but I don't hate anyone based on the colour of their skin. In fact, that makes no difference to me. What makes me upset is the fact that when I pointed this out, I was called all sorts of names. Now, I admit, I did not check the accuracy of the statement of what I posted... I have a bad habit of it, but, either way, it wasn't trying to promote hate and discontent. I was trying to show that violence is not concerned with the colour of a persons skin, if someone is hateful, then anyone not like them will be hated. Doesn't matter what colour, religion, gender, sexual orientation you are, hate is hate. What I was saying with it was how sad that the media will make a huge deal out of a young man who was violent and was killed into some kind of national emergency. It shouldn't be that way. There should be justice for all people in this country, no matter what happens. Am I angry that Al Sharpton isn't going to be able to fight for justice for this small child, who was killed, yes. I am angry that cops are shooting any kind of unarmed kids, yes. Do I think that there is stereo typing in our country, absolutely. But, that doesn't mean that I want it that way. Just because it is that way, doesn't make it right. I want everyone who kills to be tried and convicted just like everyone else does, but, I don't think that the media turning it into a national circus is the way to go about it. I was pretty upset by the whole thing, thinking that I was trying to promote hate and anger when what I tend to put out there is love and peace and being kind to others, so this was something that really hurt. Do I think it's upsetting to know that someone I love and think of highly thinks this way, of course. But I will let it go, and know that it's her loss, not mine. I am sad to think of it that way though.
I had also thought that I was being called a person who was flippant with words, and luckily, it turns out that not everyone someone else says is about me. Thank goodness for that one. I was pretty self centered in that one. Guess it was just me reading too much into what I had said, and what their reply was. I'm not that all powerful, and I'm glad about that.
Today, I am trying to not be sick. I hate being sick and I hate feeling like I am trying to fight it. I can feel the fever trying to take over and I know that I need to get home and into bed. I cannot miss class tomorrow. Not in an accelerated class I can't. I would just lose too much time. Time that I would need to do other things. I am going home early today, to work out, and go to bed. I had two cancelled appointments today, so it's all good. Just hope that I will see them later this week. I am looking forward to my workout though. It's called Sweat. Guess what I will be doing? Anyhow, I think I have run out of things to say for now, so until I can finish the other entry I am working on, I will write more later... Peace, Love, Happiness...
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
The sad state of our housing in this country
There are those in this country who have to live in subsidized housing in order to be able to keep a roof over their heads and not have to live with their parents and or friends. It's nice to be able to come home to somewhere you feel good about, the place may not be yours to own, but, it's yours for the moment. It's fantastic to know that you can afford to live somewhere without depending on others for help (and by others I mean friends and family).
I have been able to live in a normal apartment complex and pay a lot of money for a place to stay for me and Piper. I have also had the opportunity to live in subsidized housing and there is so much going on with this that it's beyond comprehension.
In the beginning of October, I wrote about having to fill in blank post dated documents and how uncomfortable we were at having to do that. I wrote about the fear of being evicted from our home because we never received our 90, 60, and 30 day renewal for our lease and how we were told that though my income had gone down a great deal, our rent would be going up. How can that be we asked. And then we got the USDA involved with it and after two months of going round and round, and paying the higher amount for rent, we got it all done. We were overcharged by about $400 for those two months and another $350 for the previous 12 months. Holy shit that's a lot of money to have to come up with when there's not much to begin with.
Well, now it just keeps going with this company. When we asked to get the USDA involved to help, we had no idea the kind of shit storm we would create by doing so. These people, Bosley Management/Show Low Apartments are truly something special. Let me explain. By getting the USDA involved, they started by doing an audit of some of the tenants leases. Ours was in this group of course and they saw what we were talking about with wrongfully using what's called an income statement and bank statements instead of using my taxes like they are suppose to. And then, as more complaints came in to the USDA, the more that they realized something was going on here that maybe shouldn't be. Thus, a larger scale investigation was begun at our apartments. This included the USDA doing a 100% inspection of all units here as well as a visit from the Civil Rights branch of the USDA who work directly under the actual appointed person by the President... Yeah, that president. The one who lives in the White House. So, we talked to her about some of the things that have been going on in our apartment. She was a very nice lady and Thomas said she reminded him of his mom :) We told them of being overcharged for 14 months, that the laundry facility is only open from 9-5 daily, which, makes it really hard to do any laundry after work. We told them about the bullying and the harassment and the fact that our maintenance person is a convicted felon (which is not allowed in the USDA housing at all) and that he, on more than one occasion has solicited others for the sale of their prescription medication for personal use.
They took all of this information and told us that they would get back to us... this was in March or April.... I am still waiting to hear anything back from any of this. Now to what's going on this week. So, during the inspection when Mr. Terry Brown from the Show Low office of the USDA came in, he made several suggestions for things to be done in our apartment. The sheetrock should be replaced where it's cracked and falling off the ceiling, the carpet should be stretched, the toilet leaks and should be looked at to see if it's filling at the proper rate, the bracket on the refrigerator should be fixed. Well, so far, the toilet has been fixed, but not because he said it should be. Nope, when it got to the point that it was taking 20 minutes to fill up, we went to the maintenance person and he gave us a new flapper for the bowl... Thomas fixed this himself. The management company said that we had to have our carpet stretched because it was a health and safety issue. We were scheduled to have it done on the 21st of July, and after being told that we would have to pack everything that sits on the floor and move it out for about 4 hours, have the carpets stretched, we could move it all back in ourselves, we decided that this is not what should be done. In fact, on three separate occasions, we had been asked to move to the upstairs unit (also a three bedroom) so they could replace the carpet and flooring in our unit because it was old and needed to be replaced. We wrote up a letter expressing our concern about this stretching and sent it to the nice lady in D.C., Terry Brown and gave a hard copy to the apartment manager, Valerie Carter.
Monday comes and goes, and Thomas said that the guys came out and took a look at the carpeting and agreed that this needed to be replaced, not stretched. He showed them a copy of this letter and they left and said thank you. Tuesday night, when I got home, we had been given a 10 day notice of eviction. I was flabbergasted! I mean, I kind of expected this. So, we decided to go eat, I wanted to get out of that place for a while. Sadly, we didn't have wings, but, Chinese food worked for the night. Piper was happy about it. I didn't know how to react to this. It's the first time anything like this had happened to either of us. The question remained, Now what?
I have been searching every day for someplace to live. Every place that I had found requires a first and last and some kind of deposit. And while yes, I do have enough to do that for most of these places that would work for us, how am I going to pay the deductible for my car if I have to use the whole of my savings? We are still searching.
This thing about this whole mess is this: there are no laws on the books that protect tenants from the management companies. Sure there are lots of laws in place to protect the landlords, but, nothing for the ones who need to rent. How is this possible? How can we always assume that the tenant is the one who is going to try to fuck over the landlord? Isn't there that possibility that maybe, just maybe, there are landlords/management companies that bully and use intimidation tactics to harass tenants? Because, I am here to tell you, this does happen. And sadly, it's happening to us. Right now, as I write this.
So what can I do? Let's see, I have gone to the USDA repeatedly trying to figure out what we can do to protect ourselves. I know that Mr. Brown has been going through the landlord tenant laws line by line seeing what, if anything, can be done. Sadly, as of right now, there isn't much other than wait for the police to come and lock me out. Which is really what I am afraid of happening to me tomorrow. And from what I have been told, they can't do that without serving me with a eviction, by a process server, that has a court date attached to it. I don't see that happening for me. I see them calling the police, because on our paperwork, they made sure to write it nice and large, that the police are on standby. That's a threat right... that's what I thought too. When we did go back to the USDA last week, think it was Friday, he said that Bosely Management said that was because they have had to call the police for an issue with us before... That's not right either because by law, they are required to evict us if the police are called to our apartment that ends in an arrest. Have the police been to my apartment, yes they have. We have called them to respond for different things... noise that is out of control at 2 am for the lady who lived above us, for Kelsie when she was out of control, but they have NEVER CALLED TO REPORT US OR BECAUSE WE WERE THE PROBLEM!!! Not only that, they told Mr. Brown that we have failed to turn in certain paperwork that is required, which is why they are telling us that we owe them $1800... Again, not true. If we had failed to turn in the correct paperwork, we wouldn't be living there. This is the most frustrating event. I feel like this is a bad dream and I can't get out of it.
Fortunatly for us, we have a place to land until we can get save enough to find us another place. We are finally able to get out of subsidized housing, how fantastic is that?! The sad thing about housing is that it's not designed to help you get out of that situation. You are not able to save if you get a better job and make more money, it's only going to keep you in the whole of having to be dependent on the government to help. I know that there are a lot of people who don't care if they ever get out of it, but there are far more who want to have a better life and get out of a place that is falling apart and the management company isn't trying to take all that they have. Mr. Brown says that this is an ongoing investigation with this company, and that Washington is very interested in all that happens and everything that we tell them about. We are the ones who are brave enough to stand up to bullying and we are the ones who are going to be the reason laws are passed to help protect others in this kind of situation... But what happens in the meantime? What happens to others who have been bullied and forced to leave without this company being correct? How do we protect ourselves in the midst of all of this?
I am hoping that this will be the reason for many good things to happen. I am confident that we are going to come out on top of it, even if it takes a few months to years to get it so. At least I know that what we did was the right thing to do.
This morning, we have only little things to worry about, some bedding, some jackets, ceiling fans, that sort of thing... And the bird, of course. I'm not going to leave baby bird there to be taken by anyone else. It's been a very stressful two weeks now, I am so relieved that it's all over and done with, for now. There is still much to do and I can't see it being done in a hurry... After all, this is the government. I have faith that it's all going to work out for the best and we are going to be that much better for having been through it. I am so grateful for the friends who have helped me through this, for the ones who let me cry on them, for the ones who have offered their homes to us, for the amount of support and love from all of them. Mostly, I am so happy and grateful for the magnificent outcome of getting out of the apartments... though, I have yet to see what that's going to be... it's all good though. Peace
I have been able to live in a normal apartment complex and pay a lot of money for a place to stay for me and Piper. I have also had the opportunity to live in subsidized housing and there is so much going on with this that it's beyond comprehension.
In the beginning of October, I wrote about having to fill in blank post dated documents and how uncomfortable we were at having to do that. I wrote about the fear of being evicted from our home because we never received our 90, 60, and 30 day renewal for our lease and how we were told that though my income had gone down a great deal, our rent would be going up. How can that be we asked. And then we got the USDA involved with it and after two months of going round and round, and paying the higher amount for rent, we got it all done. We were overcharged by about $400 for those two months and another $350 for the previous 12 months. Holy shit that's a lot of money to have to come up with when there's not much to begin with.
Well, now it just keeps going with this company. When we asked to get the USDA involved to help, we had no idea the kind of shit storm we would create by doing so. These people, Bosley Management/Show Low Apartments are truly something special. Let me explain. By getting the USDA involved, they started by doing an audit of some of the tenants leases. Ours was in this group of course and they saw what we were talking about with wrongfully using what's called an income statement and bank statements instead of using my taxes like they are suppose to. And then, as more complaints came in to the USDA, the more that they realized something was going on here that maybe shouldn't be. Thus, a larger scale investigation was begun at our apartments. This included the USDA doing a 100% inspection of all units here as well as a visit from the Civil Rights branch of the USDA who work directly under the actual appointed person by the President... Yeah, that president. The one who lives in the White House. So, we talked to her about some of the things that have been going on in our apartment. She was a very nice lady and Thomas said she reminded him of his mom :) We told them of being overcharged for 14 months, that the laundry facility is only open from 9-5 daily, which, makes it really hard to do any laundry after work. We told them about the bullying and the harassment and the fact that our maintenance person is a convicted felon (which is not allowed in the USDA housing at all) and that he, on more than one occasion has solicited others for the sale of their prescription medication for personal use.
They took all of this information and told us that they would get back to us... this was in March or April.... I am still waiting to hear anything back from any of this. Now to what's going on this week. So, during the inspection when Mr. Terry Brown from the Show Low office of the USDA came in, he made several suggestions for things to be done in our apartment. The sheetrock should be replaced where it's cracked and falling off the ceiling, the carpet should be stretched, the toilet leaks and should be looked at to see if it's filling at the proper rate, the bracket on the refrigerator should be fixed. Well, so far, the toilet has been fixed, but not because he said it should be. Nope, when it got to the point that it was taking 20 minutes to fill up, we went to the maintenance person and he gave us a new flapper for the bowl... Thomas fixed this himself. The management company said that we had to have our carpet stretched because it was a health and safety issue. We were scheduled to have it done on the 21st of July, and after being told that we would have to pack everything that sits on the floor and move it out for about 4 hours, have the carpets stretched, we could move it all back in ourselves, we decided that this is not what should be done. In fact, on three separate occasions, we had been asked to move to the upstairs unit (also a three bedroom) so they could replace the carpet and flooring in our unit because it was old and needed to be replaced. We wrote up a letter expressing our concern about this stretching and sent it to the nice lady in D.C., Terry Brown and gave a hard copy to the apartment manager, Valerie Carter.
Monday comes and goes, and Thomas said that the guys came out and took a look at the carpeting and agreed that this needed to be replaced, not stretched. He showed them a copy of this letter and they left and said thank you. Tuesday night, when I got home, we had been given a 10 day notice of eviction. I was flabbergasted! I mean, I kind of expected this. So, we decided to go eat, I wanted to get out of that place for a while. Sadly, we didn't have wings, but, Chinese food worked for the night. Piper was happy about it. I didn't know how to react to this. It's the first time anything like this had happened to either of us. The question remained, Now what?
I have been searching every day for someplace to live. Every place that I had found requires a first and last and some kind of deposit. And while yes, I do have enough to do that for most of these places that would work for us, how am I going to pay the deductible for my car if I have to use the whole of my savings? We are still searching.
This thing about this whole mess is this: there are no laws on the books that protect tenants from the management companies. Sure there are lots of laws in place to protect the landlords, but, nothing for the ones who need to rent. How is this possible? How can we always assume that the tenant is the one who is going to try to fuck over the landlord? Isn't there that possibility that maybe, just maybe, there are landlords/management companies that bully and use intimidation tactics to harass tenants? Because, I am here to tell you, this does happen. And sadly, it's happening to us. Right now, as I write this.
So what can I do? Let's see, I have gone to the USDA repeatedly trying to figure out what we can do to protect ourselves. I know that Mr. Brown has been going through the landlord tenant laws line by line seeing what, if anything, can be done. Sadly, as of right now, there isn't much other than wait for the police to come and lock me out. Which is really what I am afraid of happening to me tomorrow. And from what I have been told, they can't do that without serving me with a eviction, by a process server, that has a court date attached to it. I don't see that happening for me. I see them calling the police, because on our paperwork, they made sure to write it nice and large, that the police are on standby. That's a threat right... that's what I thought too. When we did go back to the USDA last week, think it was Friday, he said that Bosely Management said that was because they have had to call the police for an issue with us before... That's not right either because by law, they are required to evict us if the police are called to our apartment that ends in an arrest. Have the police been to my apartment, yes they have. We have called them to respond for different things... noise that is out of control at 2 am for the lady who lived above us, for Kelsie when she was out of control, but they have NEVER CALLED TO REPORT US OR BECAUSE WE WERE THE PROBLEM!!! Not only that, they told Mr. Brown that we have failed to turn in certain paperwork that is required, which is why they are telling us that we owe them $1800... Again, not true. If we had failed to turn in the correct paperwork, we wouldn't be living there. This is the most frustrating event. I feel like this is a bad dream and I can't get out of it.
Fortunatly for us, we have a place to land until we can get save enough to find us another place. We are finally able to get out of subsidized housing, how fantastic is that?! The sad thing about housing is that it's not designed to help you get out of that situation. You are not able to save if you get a better job and make more money, it's only going to keep you in the whole of having to be dependent on the government to help. I know that there are a lot of people who don't care if they ever get out of it, but there are far more who want to have a better life and get out of a place that is falling apart and the management company isn't trying to take all that they have. Mr. Brown says that this is an ongoing investigation with this company, and that Washington is very interested in all that happens and everything that we tell them about. We are the ones who are brave enough to stand up to bullying and we are the ones who are going to be the reason laws are passed to help protect others in this kind of situation... But what happens in the meantime? What happens to others who have been bullied and forced to leave without this company being correct? How do we protect ourselves in the midst of all of this?
I am hoping that this will be the reason for many good things to happen. I am confident that we are going to come out on top of it, even if it takes a few months to years to get it so. At least I know that what we did was the right thing to do.
This morning, we have only little things to worry about, some bedding, some jackets, ceiling fans, that sort of thing... And the bird, of course. I'm not going to leave baby bird there to be taken by anyone else. It's been a very stressful two weeks now, I am so relieved that it's all over and done with, for now. There is still much to do and I can't see it being done in a hurry... After all, this is the government. I have faith that it's all going to work out for the best and we are going to be that much better for having been through it. I am so grateful for the friends who have helped me through this, for the ones who let me cry on them, for the ones who have offered their homes to us, for the amount of support and love from all of them. Mostly, I am so happy and grateful for the magnificent outcome of getting out of the apartments... though, I have yet to see what that's going to be... it's all good though. Peace
Monday, July 28, 2014
School Woes
The college up here on the mountain has been in business since the 70's. I hate to say it but it is the only option for those who live on the mountain if they want to have the actual community college experience. Not that I think it's all bad, but like so many other places on this mountain, they have the mentality that seems to run rampant through this mountain. The whole idea that we are the only ones up here and if you don't like it, tough, where else are you going to go? I don't like that it happens up here as much as it does, but, at this point I am unsure how to continue.
I have seen a lot of people who, in their efforts to give a professional courtesy, they seem to not be objective and fail to actually help when they can because of some unwritten code that they are bound to. I know that if there were only upstanding good moral officers in our communities, there would be no need to have internal affairs. Yet, we need these people in these offices not because people are bad, but because they are people. They see an opportunity and they take it. They seize what they can to make themselves better off. No, this does not make them bad, it just means they are people.
Recently, I have, sadly had to encounter this at our local college with a teacher and an academic advisor. Let me explain. Kelsie took three classes with the college to go with her schooling for high school. I was proud of her. She worked her butt off doing research and getting as much as done as she did. She was on it. For her English 101 class, she had to do a research paper, as all have to do one for this class. She had me proof read it and we went over all of the things that the teacher had suggested she do. She had all the in-text citations, all of the information everything and turned it in. Her teacher refused to grade the paper. At first it was because she didn't use the correct format, saying it wasn't in MLA 2009 format. Then, after we talked to her about it, she said that it was because there was no works cited page. After that, she said that it was because she doesn't give partial credit. Wow, make up your mind will you!!!
We contested this of course, which was to start with, asking the teacher to reconsider her decision to not grade the paper. She said no. The next step was to go to an academic advisor and have them mediate this so both parties can come to a mutual decision. The advisor looked at what was done and tried to help... for about 10 minutes, then, deferred to professional courtesy and we were told that the teacher will not budge and we have to take it to the next step. At this point, we, Kelsie, Thomas and I, had been looking and looking for the rubric for the paper, so I know how it is to be graded. For almost two weeks we go back and forth on it, and finally, there is to be a meeting between all parties and the Dean. They go in, Thomas and Kelsie, I had to work, and from the moment they walked in, they were never going to change their minds. They simply thought that no matter what, this teacher was correct and nothing was going to change their minds. Obviously, we lost the case and while there was the option to go further, Kelsie decided to not take it further.
We all make mistakes when first learning about life. We all make mistakes when learning about school. What made me so angry was not that they refused to change their minds, it was that it she wasn't teaching in the first place. If you tell me that I have to do something a certain way, I will do my best to follow it, to the best of my abilities, especially when my high school graduation is riding on it. But if you tell me that I just need to go look it up and forget that when we have students who are trying to find their ways by doing concurrent schooling, that these young people may need a bit of extra help, because, let's face it, they are young, that's where we have a failure on our part. There are moments when Kelsie would say something to me and I almost made a smart ass comment, but, I stopped and remembered that she's just a kid, and she's still learning and I need to be mindful of her being young. Doesn't mean that I think she should be treated any differently, but, if I see that she may be needing help, then at least offer it to her.
I read the emails that this teacher had back and forth with her... I was appalled by this woman's blatant disregard for anyone who didn't understand what was going on. She wasn't trying to be a smartass when asking questions, she just didn't get something and to be treated so poorly someone who called themselves an educator, was simply unacceptable, in every way.
Perhaps we should get back to the whole idea that these kids are just that, kids. They are there willingly (obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be paying for it) and they want to learn. Let's make it a point, nay, our job, to help these kids learn what they are there to learn and understand. Did we learn something from this, yes we did. Did we get a better understanding of the proper format for a research paper, I would have to say yes to that as well. Did we learn that professional courtesy is alive and well and not always for the benefit of the non-professional, oh yeah! It made me sick to my stomach to see what happened. I was so angry with this woman for being a rude bitch most of the time. I was mostly disappointed that once again, in our little town, if you're the only kind of your business, then it doesn't matter how bad the service is. They are the only one, so where else will you go?
I have since learned that not all teachers are like that, duh! But how can you spot them on a piece of paper when signing up for classes? How do you know that the person you are trusting to teach you whatever, isn't going to say, go look it up and just leave you to your own devices? I'm all for online classes, but, I am still of the mindset that seeing a person face to face in a classroom, for me at least, is the best and easiest way to do it. How else can I stay after class and ask questions? I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned like that... anyhow, later kids... Peace
I have seen a lot of people who, in their efforts to give a professional courtesy, they seem to not be objective and fail to actually help when they can because of some unwritten code that they are bound to. I know that if there were only upstanding good moral officers in our communities, there would be no need to have internal affairs. Yet, we need these people in these offices not because people are bad, but because they are people. They see an opportunity and they take it. They seize what they can to make themselves better off. No, this does not make them bad, it just means they are people.
Recently, I have, sadly had to encounter this at our local college with a teacher and an academic advisor. Let me explain. Kelsie took three classes with the college to go with her schooling for high school. I was proud of her. She worked her butt off doing research and getting as much as done as she did. She was on it. For her English 101 class, she had to do a research paper, as all have to do one for this class. She had me proof read it and we went over all of the things that the teacher had suggested she do. She had all the in-text citations, all of the information everything and turned it in. Her teacher refused to grade the paper. At first it was because she didn't use the correct format, saying it wasn't in MLA 2009 format. Then, after we talked to her about it, she said that it was because there was no works cited page. After that, she said that it was because she doesn't give partial credit. Wow, make up your mind will you!!!
We contested this of course, which was to start with, asking the teacher to reconsider her decision to not grade the paper. She said no. The next step was to go to an academic advisor and have them mediate this so both parties can come to a mutual decision. The advisor looked at what was done and tried to help... for about 10 minutes, then, deferred to professional courtesy and we were told that the teacher will not budge and we have to take it to the next step. At this point, we, Kelsie, Thomas and I, had been looking and looking for the rubric for the paper, so I know how it is to be graded. For almost two weeks we go back and forth on it, and finally, there is to be a meeting between all parties and the Dean. They go in, Thomas and Kelsie, I had to work, and from the moment they walked in, they were never going to change their minds. They simply thought that no matter what, this teacher was correct and nothing was going to change their minds. Obviously, we lost the case and while there was the option to go further, Kelsie decided to not take it further.
We all make mistakes when first learning about life. We all make mistakes when learning about school. What made me so angry was not that they refused to change their minds, it was that it she wasn't teaching in the first place. If you tell me that I have to do something a certain way, I will do my best to follow it, to the best of my abilities, especially when my high school graduation is riding on it. But if you tell me that I just need to go look it up and forget that when we have students who are trying to find their ways by doing concurrent schooling, that these young people may need a bit of extra help, because, let's face it, they are young, that's where we have a failure on our part. There are moments when Kelsie would say something to me and I almost made a smart ass comment, but, I stopped and remembered that she's just a kid, and she's still learning and I need to be mindful of her being young. Doesn't mean that I think she should be treated any differently, but, if I see that she may be needing help, then at least offer it to her.
I read the emails that this teacher had back and forth with her... I was appalled by this woman's blatant disregard for anyone who didn't understand what was going on. She wasn't trying to be a smartass when asking questions, she just didn't get something and to be treated so poorly someone who called themselves an educator, was simply unacceptable, in every way.
Perhaps we should get back to the whole idea that these kids are just that, kids. They are there willingly (obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be paying for it) and they want to learn. Let's make it a point, nay, our job, to help these kids learn what they are there to learn and understand. Did we learn something from this, yes we did. Did we get a better understanding of the proper format for a research paper, I would have to say yes to that as well. Did we learn that professional courtesy is alive and well and not always for the benefit of the non-professional, oh yeah! It made me sick to my stomach to see what happened. I was so angry with this woman for being a rude bitch most of the time. I was mostly disappointed that once again, in our little town, if you're the only kind of your business, then it doesn't matter how bad the service is. They are the only one, so where else will you go?
I have since learned that not all teachers are like that, duh! But how can you spot them on a piece of paper when signing up for classes? How do you know that the person you are trusting to teach you whatever, isn't going to say, go look it up and just leave you to your own devices? I'm all for online classes, but, I am still of the mindset that seeing a person face to face in a classroom, for me at least, is the best and easiest way to do it. How else can I stay after class and ask questions? I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned like that... anyhow, later kids... Peace
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sense of entitlement
The last two months I have been very sad that I have not been able to write nearly as much as I would like to. I have had the privilege to be a part of two young ladies lives for the past five to seven years, depending on the girl. Both of them are wonderful girls, I love them both dearly and hope that as long as I'm alive, I am able to be a part of their lives. However, that being said, I don't understand what they are doing or why they think they have this sense of entitlement about them. I want something so if you don't give it to me I am going to throw a 7 year old size tantrum in the middle of the store. I don't get it.
Girl 1.
Lives with her dad. Smart, funny, likes to laugh, so much fun to be around. Hates herself. Can't understand why she doesn't have a boyfriend, yet, wants nothing to do with males at this time. (I don't blame her, she's had a rough time with them.). I should add here that I dearly love these two, they are wonderful kids but they have no clue!! Visits her mom every other weekend and every other Christmas. Has a bad trip to the valley, doesn't say anything to her dad before she's gone for the holiday. She texts her dad, but won't call. Then all of the sudden, it's I hate you, I can't live with you anymore, it's just too horrible to deal with! Ok. In my day, my parents would have said suck it up and deal with it! In fact, I tell that to Piper. To get along in this world, you have to be able to deal with the bad as well as the good. Come to find out, the guy she was just starting to date, told her a pack of lies, used her and then, like a boss, broke up over the phone over Christmas. Classy dude! Since then, she can't deal with her dad and so she stays somewhere safe but not home. Breaks her dad's heart, but she goes over there and is seemingly trying to make it better between them. I can't hate that, but boy, thinking about this makes me incredibly angry. In fact I was steaming mad over it, but I hold my tongue. Her dad has sole custody and has rules and won't give in to her every whim, and she knows this. It was part of why she liked living there, there are rules and she knows that if she follows them, she gets her freedom so long as she does her part of the household chores. Guess the other one doens't make her do shit and she still gets everything she wants, and all of her freedom.
Girl 2.
Again, smart girl, fun to be around, likes to laugh. Lives with mom, didn't know dad until about, 3 years ago. Now dad wants her to be part of his new family. Hasn't seen her in years, but, when he does, it's all about the stuff. I can give you all sorts of stuff and make you love me becasue I can get you stuff where your mom will tell you no. She got into an argument with mom and it ends with her deciding to take off and move out... with three months to go in school. Moves to the Valley with someone she barley knows, but they are so much cooler and nicer and smarter than her mom. Took her a while, but, now, she has seen that there is so much more to being a parent than just stuff. She has made up with her mom and is doing a whole lot better. She still knows everything and wants to do it on her own, but, she's talking to her mom and making an effort. She will be finishing high school, has a job, is really trying to make her life something she can be proud of. I am glad that things are working out for her...Gives me hope for the other one.
Girl 3.
This one is a fun one. She's a sweet kid, just turned 18, has a great smile, wants to be a good mom (yes, she's had a kid, who was actually born just after her 18th birthday), tries to get things together. Was with baby's dad... Was living with her dad and her stepmom (her mom passed away when she was very young and dad has been doing it all himself since then) and then all of the sudden, she's done with baby's dad and now is totally into a man who is her dad's age, is actually a good friend of her dad's. She moves in with him. Dad is upset because, that's his daughter and that was his friend. She's totally into this new guy, she thinks life will be great, and then, it's not. She doesn't want to be over there anymore, she's not happy and she is having issues with new man. I told her dad, this horrible thing happens to girls, it's called pride. We are too busy showing you that we know what we're doing that we forget that our parents are people too and that they have feelings that get hurt when the one you love walks all over them. She has since started to come around. Before, she wasn't speaking to her dad, didn't want him to see the baby, didn't want any help. This past week, saw her and baby's dad with her dad smiling and having fun buying wipes for the baby. Baby was spending the night with grandpa, grandpa was very happy, she was looking a whole lot happier than before, and even baby's daddy was happy.
The dilemma with these three girls:
What I don't understand, is how can one grow up knowing what kind of a person their parents are, knowing what's gone on, knowing that one parent is exactly the way the seem to others, while the other parent is just wanting to be a parent to see what they can get out of it, and still think that the one who raised them is the bees knees... I don't understand it, but then, not everything is for me to understand. I am only here to make sure that they know that they are loved by me and help in any way that I can.
It's not fair and what makes me the most angry is that I see this as part of generation of young people who have no clue. They walk through life thinking that if someone doesn't let them do what ever the fuck they want whenever they want, they are going to have a huge meltdown and the whole world is going to collapse. I can't even give them the advise that I have learned the hard way because they think I'm pretty much full of shit. I used to think that my mother was nuts when she told me to think good thoughts, and your perception is reality. I have to say that she was right. Life is exactly what I think it is. If I think it's awesome and wonderful, then it is. If I think that life is this horrible thing and everyone owes me something because (as girl 1 likes to put it) I didn't ask to be born, if you didn't want me then you should have had an abortion (stabbing wound through the heart there). And she goes around acting like the victim in life. It's always someone else's fault for what happened to her. I have told her that bad things happen to people, and while I wish it wasn't the case, there is nothing I can do to fix the past. What you need to do, is look up and see that there is more to life than what happened in the past. Life is a series of moments and when you spend all of those precious moments thinking about how bad things are, that's all your life will ever be.
I want them all to see the beauty of the world without thinking that unless they are handed it on a silver platter then it just doesn't concern them. I want them to know that just because there are bad people out there, it doesn't mean that you have to live your whole life trying to please them. If they don't love you, it's their lose, not yours. There is a whole world, about 7 billion people out there, and I'm sure that there are literally millions of them who would love you and treat you like you are a worthy wonderful girl that they are. I want them to realize their life is not the sum of the bad things that have happened or the evil people who have tried to pollute their minds. It is exactly what you make of it. It could be beautiful and wonderful and the most awesome thing ever, or it could totally suck the happiness out of you. I choose to be happy, I choose to be beautiful, and mostly I choose to enjoy the time that I have here, use it to my benefit, and love... totally and completely my kids, my lover, my family, my friends. I choose joy. That is all for now... Peace
Girl 1.
Lives with her dad. Smart, funny, likes to laugh, so much fun to be around. Hates herself. Can't understand why she doesn't have a boyfriend, yet, wants nothing to do with males at this time. (I don't blame her, she's had a rough time with them.). I should add here that I dearly love these two, they are wonderful kids but they have no clue!! Visits her mom every other weekend and every other Christmas. Has a bad trip to the valley, doesn't say anything to her dad before she's gone for the holiday. She texts her dad, but won't call. Then all of the sudden, it's I hate you, I can't live with you anymore, it's just too horrible to deal with! Ok. In my day, my parents would have said suck it up and deal with it! In fact, I tell that to Piper. To get along in this world, you have to be able to deal with the bad as well as the good. Come to find out, the guy she was just starting to date, told her a pack of lies, used her and then, like a boss, broke up over the phone over Christmas. Classy dude! Since then, she can't deal with her dad and so she stays somewhere safe but not home. Breaks her dad's heart, but she goes over there and is seemingly trying to make it better between them. I can't hate that, but boy, thinking about this makes me incredibly angry. In fact I was steaming mad over it, but I hold my tongue. Her dad has sole custody and has rules and won't give in to her every whim, and she knows this. It was part of why she liked living there, there are rules and she knows that if she follows them, she gets her freedom so long as she does her part of the household chores. Guess the other one doens't make her do shit and she still gets everything she wants, and all of her freedom.
Girl 2.
Again, smart girl, fun to be around, likes to laugh. Lives with mom, didn't know dad until about, 3 years ago. Now dad wants her to be part of his new family. Hasn't seen her in years, but, when he does, it's all about the stuff. I can give you all sorts of stuff and make you love me becasue I can get you stuff where your mom will tell you no. She got into an argument with mom and it ends with her deciding to take off and move out... with three months to go in school. Moves to the Valley with someone she barley knows, but they are so much cooler and nicer and smarter than her mom. Took her a while, but, now, she has seen that there is so much more to being a parent than just stuff. She has made up with her mom and is doing a whole lot better. She still knows everything and wants to do it on her own, but, she's talking to her mom and making an effort. She will be finishing high school, has a job, is really trying to make her life something she can be proud of. I am glad that things are working out for her...Gives me hope for the other one.
Girl 3.
This one is a fun one. She's a sweet kid, just turned 18, has a great smile, wants to be a good mom (yes, she's had a kid, who was actually born just after her 18th birthday), tries to get things together. Was with baby's dad... Was living with her dad and her stepmom (her mom passed away when she was very young and dad has been doing it all himself since then) and then all of the sudden, she's done with baby's dad and now is totally into a man who is her dad's age, is actually a good friend of her dad's. She moves in with him. Dad is upset because, that's his daughter and that was his friend. She's totally into this new guy, she thinks life will be great, and then, it's not. She doesn't want to be over there anymore, she's not happy and she is having issues with new man. I told her dad, this horrible thing happens to girls, it's called pride. We are too busy showing you that we know what we're doing that we forget that our parents are people too and that they have feelings that get hurt when the one you love walks all over them. She has since started to come around. Before, she wasn't speaking to her dad, didn't want him to see the baby, didn't want any help. This past week, saw her and baby's dad with her dad smiling and having fun buying wipes for the baby. Baby was spending the night with grandpa, grandpa was very happy, she was looking a whole lot happier than before, and even baby's daddy was happy.
The dilemma with these three girls:
What I don't understand, is how can one grow up knowing what kind of a person their parents are, knowing what's gone on, knowing that one parent is exactly the way the seem to others, while the other parent is just wanting to be a parent to see what they can get out of it, and still think that the one who raised them is the bees knees... I don't understand it, but then, not everything is for me to understand. I am only here to make sure that they know that they are loved by me and help in any way that I can.
It's not fair and what makes me the most angry is that I see this as part of generation of young people who have no clue. They walk through life thinking that if someone doesn't let them do what ever the fuck they want whenever they want, they are going to have a huge meltdown and the whole world is going to collapse. I can't even give them the advise that I have learned the hard way because they think I'm pretty much full of shit. I used to think that my mother was nuts when she told me to think good thoughts, and your perception is reality. I have to say that she was right. Life is exactly what I think it is. If I think it's awesome and wonderful, then it is. If I think that life is this horrible thing and everyone owes me something because (as girl 1 likes to put it) I didn't ask to be born, if you didn't want me then you should have had an abortion (stabbing wound through the heart there). And she goes around acting like the victim in life. It's always someone else's fault for what happened to her. I have told her that bad things happen to people, and while I wish it wasn't the case, there is nothing I can do to fix the past. What you need to do, is look up and see that there is more to life than what happened in the past. Life is a series of moments and when you spend all of those precious moments thinking about how bad things are, that's all your life will ever be.
I want them all to see the beauty of the world without thinking that unless they are handed it on a silver platter then it just doesn't concern them. I want them to know that just because there are bad people out there, it doesn't mean that you have to live your whole life trying to please them. If they don't love you, it's their lose, not yours. There is a whole world, about 7 billion people out there, and I'm sure that there are literally millions of them who would love you and treat you like you are a worthy wonderful girl that they are. I want them to realize their life is not the sum of the bad things that have happened or the evil people who have tried to pollute their minds. It is exactly what you make of it. It could be beautiful and wonderful and the most awesome thing ever, or it could totally suck the happiness out of you. I choose to be happy, I choose to be beautiful, and mostly I choose to enjoy the time that I have here, use it to my benefit, and love... totally and completely my kids, my lover, my family, my friends. I choose joy. That is all for now... Peace
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Monday's Ruling
Please forgive the spelling on this one, I have yet to figure out how to use spellcheck on this computer. Mine used to do it automatically... I miss my computer.
I don't have the internet at home, and I don't have cable. I usually watch movies, play video games (on the PS 2) and spend time hanging out with the family. While on Facebook this week, I saw something that was so disturbing for me, I just wanted to move out of this country.
I saw that the United States Supreme Court, the highest court in our country, said that it's ok for small businesses to not provide women with birth control if it goes against their very high standards of their religion. WHAT??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!! Since when is any corporation in the right by telling any female what kind of contraception is acceptable for their use? I have this belief that the highest form of government is made up mostly of men who still want to keep all the women in our county under their thumbs. We are suppose to be barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, right? I mean, hell, isn't that what every woman dreams of? Or is it closer to a nightmare kind of thing? I know for me it is. I can handle the barefoot and in the kitchen, but, whoa.
So let me tell you about what planned parenthood is really all about, because it seems to me that many out there think that it's only abortions and that, that is immoral and illegal and should be stopped at all cost. Planned parenthood is about being smart about your future. If you are a young woman, who, isn't in any committed relationship, because believe it or not, there are women out there who don't want to be with anyone, this is a way of ensuring they don't get pregnant when they are not ready for kids. Birth control is a smart and responsible thing to do when you know that you're not ready for it. By saying that it goes against gods law, well, let's just say that, this isn't the dark ages and we are not fucking cavemen. We are smart society (not all of us, but, let's just say for the benefit of the doubt that we are), with different opportunities than that of ancient Rome. Women are leaders of nations now days, with the option to have a family or not. To have a relationship with any person they chose or not. To get married, or not. To live the whole of their lives depending only on themselves for everything that they need. There is no, you have to get married or you will have to go be a nun at a temple. There is no you have to only take care of a man or you will be an outcast. We are living in the 21st century for fuck's sake and half of my country are living their lives according to a book that was written for the time, which was just about 2000 years ago. Wow, are you that blind to not see that times have changed since then?
Back to the topic... Planned parenthood is for all people, young couples who don't want to have kids, because believe it or not, there are people out there like that. Young women who don't want to have any relationship right now, but, don't mind going out and taking care of some needs. They don't want to have kids, they want to live and have fun and not worry about having to take care of anyone else, other than their spouse or themselves. And there is nothing wrong with that. Not a single thing!! We live in a country where it is ok to have more than one child, in fact, we live in a country where it's ok to broadcast teenagers getting pregnant and it's so cool to have a kid at 16. We live in a country where choices are made everyday that will effect the whole of the women in this country and no one seems to be seeing this.. Well, not no one, there are many who see this as a huge step backwards for women. Even my mother was just disgusted with this. And I don't blame her at all. I just don't see how this happened.
I have seen a lot of women saying that it's so wrong to have an abortion and that it's not fair to kill an unborn child and yet, they say because this is killing and the bible clearly says that we shouldn't kill. Do these same women know that the bible also says that if a woman is divorced from her husband, we should stone her to death... my guess is no. I have seen them say, "I just don't understand why anyone would do that." And here's the thing, it's not for you to understand someone else's journey in this life. It's for them to understand, it's for you to accept and respect their decision and choice they made for themselves. If it was for you to understand, we would all go through the exact same thing and no one would ever have anything else happen to them and we would all be Stepford wives. How fun would that be?
My opinion is really that the men in this country are still trying to keep women under their thumbs, to keep us barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen and to ensure that they stay in power. I have news for you men, it's not going to happen. I think that the grand ole party just lost the presidential race and I think women are going to be a lot more angry with the politicians this time around.
After all the things that we as women have fought for in the country, after all the women who have came before us have died trying to get their rights, our lives are still not our own. I don't think I'm off base here, and if you think differently than I do, right on. That's what was great about where we live. But, it's slipped the soily edges of the earth and if I was female and lived anywhere else in the world, the United States is now last on my list of anywhere I would want to live. How sad it's become. That is all for now. Peace
I don't have the internet at home, and I don't have cable. I usually watch movies, play video games (on the PS 2) and spend time hanging out with the family. While on Facebook this week, I saw something that was so disturbing for me, I just wanted to move out of this country.
I saw that the United States Supreme Court, the highest court in our country, said that it's ok for small businesses to not provide women with birth control if it goes against their very high standards of their religion. WHAT??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!! Since when is any corporation in the right by telling any female what kind of contraception is acceptable for their use? I have this belief that the highest form of government is made up mostly of men who still want to keep all the women in our county under their thumbs. We are suppose to be barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, right? I mean, hell, isn't that what every woman dreams of? Or is it closer to a nightmare kind of thing? I know for me it is. I can handle the barefoot and in the kitchen, but, whoa.
So let me tell you about what planned parenthood is really all about, because it seems to me that many out there think that it's only abortions and that, that is immoral and illegal and should be stopped at all cost. Planned parenthood is about being smart about your future. If you are a young woman, who, isn't in any committed relationship, because believe it or not, there are women out there who don't want to be with anyone, this is a way of ensuring they don't get pregnant when they are not ready for kids. Birth control is a smart and responsible thing to do when you know that you're not ready for it. By saying that it goes against gods law, well, let's just say that, this isn't the dark ages and we are not fucking cavemen. We are smart society (not all of us, but, let's just say for the benefit of the doubt that we are), with different opportunities than that of ancient Rome. Women are leaders of nations now days, with the option to have a family or not. To have a relationship with any person they chose or not. To get married, or not. To live the whole of their lives depending only on themselves for everything that they need. There is no, you have to get married or you will have to go be a nun at a temple. There is no you have to only take care of a man or you will be an outcast. We are living in the 21st century for fuck's sake and half of my country are living their lives according to a book that was written for the time, which was just about 2000 years ago. Wow, are you that blind to not see that times have changed since then?
Back to the topic... Planned parenthood is for all people, young couples who don't want to have kids, because believe it or not, there are people out there like that. Young women who don't want to have any relationship right now, but, don't mind going out and taking care of some needs. They don't want to have kids, they want to live and have fun and not worry about having to take care of anyone else, other than their spouse or themselves. And there is nothing wrong with that. Not a single thing!! We live in a country where it is ok to have more than one child, in fact, we live in a country where it's ok to broadcast teenagers getting pregnant and it's so cool to have a kid at 16. We live in a country where choices are made everyday that will effect the whole of the women in this country and no one seems to be seeing this.. Well, not no one, there are many who see this as a huge step backwards for women. Even my mother was just disgusted with this. And I don't blame her at all. I just don't see how this happened.
I have seen a lot of women saying that it's so wrong to have an abortion and that it's not fair to kill an unborn child and yet, they say because this is killing and the bible clearly says that we shouldn't kill. Do these same women know that the bible also says that if a woman is divorced from her husband, we should stone her to death... my guess is no. I have seen them say, "I just don't understand why anyone would do that." And here's the thing, it's not for you to understand someone else's journey in this life. It's for them to understand, it's for you to accept and respect their decision and choice they made for themselves. If it was for you to understand, we would all go through the exact same thing and no one would ever have anything else happen to them and we would all be Stepford wives. How fun would that be?
My opinion is really that the men in this country are still trying to keep women under their thumbs, to keep us barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen and to ensure that they stay in power. I have news for you men, it's not going to happen. I think that the grand ole party just lost the presidential race and I think women are going to be a lot more angry with the politicians this time around.
After all the things that we as women have fought for in the country, after all the women who have came before us have died trying to get their rights, our lives are still not our own. I don't think I'm off base here, and if you think differently than I do, right on. That's what was great about where we live. But, it's slipped the soily edges of the earth and if I was female and lived anywhere else in the world, the United States is now last on my list of anywhere I would want to live. How sad it's become. That is all for now. Peace
Monday, June 30, 2014
Back at it again :)
I know that i should be getting ready for my next client, but I couldn't contain my excitment. I am so excited to have a computer back again. It works and it's working well. I am super glad to have my voice again. Now, if I can figure out some of the settings again, and be able to have auto correct in my typing, then I will be set. More to come this week. It's been too long without my voice to the world. I am looking forward to my next few entries. Yay!!!!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Remember remember the 5th of November
I was watching V For Vendetta recently and I was impressed by the love story aspect of it as well as the idea of not forgetting and not being afraid to ask who and why certain things happen. It was an eye opener for sure. I mean, I have watched it before but never sat and really put my mind to understanding and grasping the concept of the movie.
Here you have a society in Britain that had collapsed and was born again under the rule of a High Chancellor. He had magically saved the county from a horrible virus that had infected a school, the subway and a water treatment plant. Soon after he was elected this magic medicine was 'proved' to work and the country was safe again. But thousands died in the process and many other countries had fallen in this whole thing. Our country was one that fallen and was now left in disarray and chaos. It was interesting to see how one man really can change the whole course of life for an entire nation. I think of how many people I served with in the Kennedy and that's a lot of people. To think that one could change life for millions, well, for me that number isn't even one that my brain can comprehend. Its staggering.
So what did V do? He challenged the system and gave hope, he gave the country back to the citizens and all who had lost their lives in the political turmoil. It was astonishing. One person could actually make a difference in the lives of the common person. And it was beautiful.
I often wonder how am I going to make changes in the small town that I live in how am I going to help those around me to a better life? I am not sure of that yet, but one thing is for sure, I know that one person has the power to change everything and I know that while I may not be able to change others, I can certainly change myself. Because by changing myself and making myself into a better person, I am slowly but surely changing the world. I am part of the world, and I am going to make it better. I just haven't figured out how to do so.
On a completely different note, I am still waiting to have my computer fixed and up and running again. I know that it needs a new mother board, a new fan and it needs a new battery. I know that most would tell me to just get a new one, but I really don't want to give up my first toy that was all mine. I like the way the keyboard feels and I know how to play with it. I do tend to think that I will have it up and running very soon, but there is much going on with us right now. I am hoping to get out of our current apartment and find somewhere else to live. I am really hoping to do that here within the next few weeks and then there are other things going on too. Mostly, I just have so much going on that I don't have time for things to not work right now.
For now though, if you could bear with me while I get life back to somewhat normal again, my entries will be sporadic and few between. Which makes me sad, I am loving writing these days. Anyhow until next time, remember Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been doing :) Peace
Here you have a society in Britain that had collapsed and was born again under the rule of a High Chancellor. He had magically saved the county from a horrible virus that had infected a school, the subway and a water treatment plant. Soon after he was elected this magic medicine was 'proved' to work and the country was safe again. But thousands died in the process and many other countries had fallen in this whole thing. Our country was one that fallen and was now left in disarray and chaos. It was interesting to see how one man really can change the whole course of life for an entire nation. I think of how many people I served with in the Kennedy and that's a lot of people. To think that one could change life for millions, well, for me that number isn't even one that my brain can comprehend. Its staggering.
So what did V do? He challenged the system and gave hope, he gave the country back to the citizens and all who had lost their lives in the political turmoil. It was astonishing. One person could actually make a difference in the lives of the common person. And it was beautiful.
I often wonder how am I going to make changes in the small town that I live in how am I going to help those around me to a better life? I am not sure of that yet, but one thing is for sure, I know that one person has the power to change everything and I know that while I may not be able to change others, I can certainly change myself. Because by changing myself and making myself into a better person, I am slowly but surely changing the world. I am part of the world, and I am going to make it better. I just haven't figured out how to do so.
On a completely different note, I am still waiting to have my computer fixed and up and running again. I know that it needs a new mother board, a new fan and it needs a new battery. I know that most would tell me to just get a new one, but I really don't want to give up my first toy that was all mine. I like the way the keyboard feels and I know how to play with it. I do tend to think that I will have it up and running very soon, but there is much going on with us right now. I am hoping to get out of our current apartment and find somewhere else to live. I am really hoping to do that here within the next few weeks and then there are other things going on too. Mostly, I just have so much going on that I don't have time for things to not work right now.
For now though, if you could bear with me while I get life back to somewhat normal again, my entries will be sporadic and few between. Which makes me sad, I am loving writing these days. Anyhow until next time, remember Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been doing :) Peace
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