Saturday, December 20, 2014
Moving
Today I get to move to a new place. I am very excited about it. You know what makes me mad though, when I bust my ass trying to get everything done before hand, and then it's not right. I am having a hard time with focusing on what I am suppose to be doing today, which is work for a few hours and then go home and get stuff moved. I will be ok, this will be over soon and then I can focus on unpacking and making this the best little place for us. It's all good.... But damn it pisses me off...
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
More Truths...
Recently, I had discovered that I was cowardly. And while, I can see this in myself, I think I have come to some other conclusions about myself. I am not cowardly, I just go about things in a different manner than other people. One thing that was pointed out to me was that, though I have a hard time standing up for myself, I think of being in a time and place long ago. Being in the military was not a cowardly thing.
No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft. I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general. We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news. Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home. While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more.
In combat, I never thought of what might happen. There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing. I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do. I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out. But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why. We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over. But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively. It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with. That was just too scary to think of.
As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air. We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks. We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving. The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit. We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for. Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time. Others, we loved our lives. And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it. I saw no purpose in what I was doing there. I had a job and it was pretty easy for me. I was young and on an adventure.
So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it. I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be. I am a work in progress... And I love that about me.
No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft. I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general. We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news. Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home. While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more.
In combat, I never thought of what might happen. There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing. I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do. I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out. But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why. We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over. But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively. It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with. That was just too scary to think of.
As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air. We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks. We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving. The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit. We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for. Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time. Others, we loved our lives. And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it. I saw no purpose in what I was doing there. I had a job and it was pretty easy for me. I was young and on an adventure.
So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it. I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be. I am a work in progress... And I love that about me.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
The elephant in the room
There has been much debate about what is going on in Ferguson Missouri. I can say that I don't understand it. I have been bombarded with racial propaganda about how it's all about white privilege in this country and I won't understand because I am white and I will never have to experience the racial strife in our country. I would have to say that I don't buy into that.
To start with, I can't say that I don't see color, I do see that we are all different and have different shades of color or lack of color. I see that there are injustices that do cry out for justice in our world. I see that when the riots of the Rodney King verdict were going on, I didn't understand it. Now that I am not 12 I get it. And that was a horrible terrible tragic thing that happened and I understand that. Those men were guilty as sin, as were the other officers who drove by and did NOTHING about it. That it something that is riot worthy... We all should have stood up and said this is wrong and we need to do something to change it.
Now here is where my confusion comes from now. We have a young man, who robbed a store for cigars and cigarillos, was high as a kite, more than 6 feet tall, about 240 pounds who was shot and killed. We have an officer who is not as big, had a young man reach into his car to attack him and shot to kill because he feared for his life. Who am I to say that he was or wasn't afraid. I would expect any person who reaches into a patrol car intending to harm the officer who is driving will be shot and likely killed. To say that this was motivated as a hate crime, in my opinion is completely unfounded. Would we be having all these issues if the cop in question was black? I guess we will never know.
I have known many people, most of them I would call friends, who have a different color of skin than I do. I grew up in an area that the minority group is Apache, not black. Yes I notice when there is a man or woman or family who is not white, but, coming from where I do, it's just not the norm. I still smile and say hello, I don't care what the color of your skin is.
I don't see my life as having what is called white privilege. I see the things that I have in my life as a direct result of me busting my ass for everything. In the Navy it was never about color. It was about rank and gender. I had to work two, three, four times harder than my male counterparts to earn the respect of the guys that I worked with. We all went to the same schools, we all had duty days, and we all had the chance to make the best out of our situation in engineering.
I have heard a lot about the police force in Ferguson is predominantly white. Why is that do you think? I mean, really, why? Is it because young people in Ferguson can't become cops? Is it because it's a bad job? I think it has more to do with not being able to get into the academy. (Now this information is taken from a man who lived in Compton... That's right, gang ridden, black Los Angeles... He's white... it wasn't a easy life as a kid for him. I guess since he had a different color of skin, he was treated poorly and got beat up damn near every day. I have yet to see riots for him) When you live in an area where many kids get into trouble and have a record, they are unable to get into the academy. You can't be out doing things that will get you into trouble. You have to keep your self motivated and try to show respect for others. It doesn't mean that you have respect the person, you just have to show it to them. There have been many people that I do NOT respect as people, but I respect the position.
There are some really hateful people out there, and I get it, it's hard to deal with them. But, I have a news flash for everyone. This is not the 1950's. There are no separate places for people to use the restrooms or order food. Each and every one of us had the capacity and ability to pull themselves out of whatever situation they are in and make it better. We have a chance as making it big, we all can make this a better place for our kids.
It's not just the police who are doing things wrong, because something, they are people after all, they make mistakes, it's more like the media who is fueling this constant hate and discontent with each other. To have given the facts, all that had to be said was a young man was shot and killed by an officer today after getting a report that the young man had robbed a store. There are the facts... Why do they have to specify what color he is. The other night, I think Tuesday, I came home and listened to the news about a man who was involved in some sort of police altercation. There was no mention of either of their skin colors... Because it's not important. You break the law, you run the risk of getting caught. It's not demographics, it's our laws.
Now on the opposite side of the spectrum, the man who was killed after being put into a choke hold in New York should receive justice for that. According the rules of that police department, that is an illegal hold to subdue anyone, he should be punished for that. There is no excuse for breaking the rules and being able to get away with it. In my mind, that is an example of bad judgment and even more bad calls because not only was a man killed who didn't need to be, the officer who did it, will not face charges. How sad!! That's a horrible injustice and slap in the face for everyone! Kind of makes me wonder again, if the officer was black, would he have been charged? We will never know. But that makes me mad.
Not only do I get upset with constant black and white talk, I get upset with people who try to preach that if I don't understand why they are trying to say these things, then I am part of the problem too. I don't see that. I'm not promoting hate, I don't discriminate against anyone based on skin color, I base it on actions alone. If you're an evil cunt, I will treat you as such, and if you have a beautiful soul that I want to be around, then that's what I'm going to do, is be around you as much as I can. Yes, I see color. Yes, I am white, and yes, I grew up in a white community. However, that does not automatically make me anything other than a female who is from a small town in Arizona. I have seen the world, and all sorts of people. I have loved many, of all colors, and I have lost some that I have loved. I am sorry that there is not justice for those who deserve it and I am sorry that bad things happen.
And lastly, I think we should be looking at parents of thug teenagers who commit crimes who are shit head bullies. I can't see how you would live so blindly to think your son or daughter was this perfect example of a person. At some point, you know what you're kids are up to and you know who they are long before they ever do. To think that you're not aware of their actions, good bad or otherwise is simply saying that you don't care enough about your kids to make an effort to know what they're up to. It's called being a good parent. We as parents have to pull ourselves out of our computer, and phone, and tablets and take a look at what they are or are not doing, who they are hanging out with, and help them to become PRODUCTIVE members of the society that we all live in! We are their role models and if we don't want them to grow up and act just like us, then we need to set a better example for them to follow! I have a lot of work to do for myself. I am far from perfect, but, I want to teach my girls that love knows no color. We are not born hating others for their skin, we are taught that, and I hope that I do a good job teaching them that we are not here to hate others... We are here to help, to spread joy, to give love, and to be a shining light for the world to see. We have to be the change we want to see in the world... I am still working on that, I hope that my girls will see that, and see that I am doing a good job of teaching them these things... ~End Rant~
If I have offended you with my opinions, then, oh well. I have been offended a lot by what other people have said lately too. I guess we are all sensitive. I just don't let it rule my life and take away my sunshine...
To start with, I can't say that I don't see color, I do see that we are all different and have different shades of color or lack of color. I see that there are injustices that do cry out for justice in our world. I see that when the riots of the Rodney King verdict were going on, I didn't understand it. Now that I am not 12 I get it. And that was a horrible terrible tragic thing that happened and I understand that. Those men were guilty as sin, as were the other officers who drove by and did NOTHING about it. That it something that is riot worthy... We all should have stood up and said this is wrong and we need to do something to change it.
Now here is where my confusion comes from now. We have a young man, who robbed a store for cigars and cigarillos, was high as a kite, more than 6 feet tall, about 240 pounds who was shot and killed. We have an officer who is not as big, had a young man reach into his car to attack him and shot to kill because he feared for his life. Who am I to say that he was or wasn't afraid. I would expect any person who reaches into a patrol car intending to harm the officer who is driving will be shot and likely killed. To say that this was motivated as a hate crime, in my opinion is completely unfounded. Would we be having all these issues if the cop in question was black? I guess we will never know.
I have known many people, most of them I would call friends, who have a different color of skin than I do. I grew up in an area that the minority group is Apache, not black. Yes I notice when there is a man or woman or family who is not white, but, coming from where I do, it's just not the norm. I still smile and say hello, I don't care what the color of your skin is.
I don't see my life as having what is called white privilege. I see the things that I have in my life as a direct result of me busting my ass for everything. In the Navy it was never about color. It was about rank and gender. I had to work two, three, four times harder than my male counterparts to earn the respect of the guys that I worked with. We all went to the same schools, we all had duty days, and we all had the chance to make the best out of our situation in engineering.
I have heard a lot about the police force in Ferguson is predominantly white. Why is that do you think? I mean, really, why? Is it because young people in Ferguson can't become cops? Is it because it's a bad job? I think it has more to do with not being able to get into the academy. (Now this information is taken from a man who lived in Compton... That's right, gang ridden, black Los Angeles... He's white... it wasn't a easy life as a kid for him. I guess since he had a different color of skin, he was treated poorly and got beat up damn near every day. I have yet to see riots for him) When you live in an area where many kids get into trouble and have a record, they are unable to get into the academy. You can't be out doing things that will get you into trouble. You have to keep your self motivated and try to show respect for others. It doesn't mean that you have respect the person, you just have to show it to them. There have been many people that I do NOT respect as people, but I respect the position.
There are some really hateful people out there, and I get it, it's hard to deal with them. But, I have a news flash for everyone. This is not the 1950's. There are no separate places for people to use the restrooms or order food. Each and every one of us had the capacity and ability to pull themselves out of whatever situation they are in and make it better. We have a chance as making it big, we all can make this a better place for our kids.
It's not just the police who are doing things wrong, because something, they are people after all, they make mistakes, it's more like the media who is fueling this constant hate and discontent with each other. To have given the facts, all that had to be said was a young man was shot and killed by an officer today after getting a report that the young man had robbed a store. There are the facts... Why do they have to specify what color he is. The other night, I think Tuesday, I came home and listened to the news about a man who was involved in some sort of police altercation. There was no mention of either of their skin colors... Because it's not important. You break the law, you run the risk of getting caught. It's not demographics, it's our laws.
Now on the opposite side of the spectrum, the man who was killed after being put into a choke hold in New York should receive justice for that. According the rules of that police department, that is an illegal hold to subdue anyone, he should be punished for that. There is no excuse for breaking the rules and being able to get away with it. In my mind, that is an example of bad judgment and even more bad calls because not only was a man killed who didn't need to be, the officer who did it, will not face charges. How sad!! That's a horrible injustice and slap in the face for everyone! Kind of makes me wonder again, if the officer was black, would he have been charged? We will never know. But that makes me mad.
Not only do I get upset with constant black and white talk, I get upset with people who try to preach that if I don't understand why they are trying to say these things, then I am part of the problem too. I don't see that. I'm not promoting hate, I don't discriminate against anyone based on skin color, I base it on actions alone. If you're an evil cunt, I will treat you as such, and if you have a beautiful soul that I want to be around, then that's what I'm going to do, is be around you as much as I can. Yes, I see color. Yes, I am white, and yes, I grew up in a white community. However, that does not automatically make me anything other than a female who is from a small town in Arizona. I have seen the world, and all sorts of people. I have loved many, of all colors, and I have lost some that I have loved. I am sorry that there is not justice for those who deserve it and I am sorry that bad things happen.
And lastly, I think we should be looking at parents of thug teenagers who commit crimes who are shit head bullies. I can't see how you would live so blindly to think your son or daughter was this perfect example of a person. At some point, you know what you're kids are up to and you know who they are long before they ever do. To think that you're not aware of their actions, good bad or otherwise is simply saying that you don't care enough about your kids to make an effort to know what they're up to. It's called being a good parent. We as parents have to pull ourselves out of our computer, and phone, and tablets and take a look at what they are or are not doing, who they are hanging out with, and help them to become PRODUCTIVE members of the society that we all live in! We are their role models and if we don't want them to grow up and act just like us, then we need to set a better example for them to follow! I have a lot of work to do for myself. I am far from perfect, but, I want to teach my girls that love knows no color. We are not born hating others for their skin, we are taught that, and I hope that I do a good job teaching them that we are not here to hate others... We are here to help, to spread joy, to give love, and to be a shining light for the world to see. We have to be the change we want to see in the world... I am still working on that, I hope that my girls will see that, and see that I am doing a good job of teaching them these things... ~End Rant~
If I have offended you with my opinions, then, oh well. I have been offended a lot by what other people have said lately too. I guess we are all sensitive. I just don't let it rule my life and take away my sunshine...
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