I have had a lot of time off this week, two days because I was home sick, one because I had the day off and I have had the computer here with me the whole time as well. I have yet to really understand the lure of the Internet. I mean, don't get me wrong, you can find anything you want, but, I find myself getting super bored just hanging out online. What do I do? I check facebook for funny pictures of cats and what everyone is eating... I don't get that part. I check my email to see if there is anything new and exciting being sent to me... Usually it's just Publisher's Clearing House that I get mail from. And then I check my work schedule to find out what time I will be leaving so I can go have a lunch date with my friends. After that, I have no real desire to look at anything.
Sure it's cool that I can check out new dresses and shoes and old cars and trucks and whatever else anyone is selling, but, I think it's getting to a point where, for me, it's not that much fun anymore. I like to watch videos once in a while, but, I seem to use the computer for music, and writing and things like that. Not really surf the Internet.
So what is about the Internet that is so great? We have all this information at the touch of a button, but we don't seem to know anymore than we did 20 years ago. I admit, I do like to look up random facts to throw people off with, but, unless there is a need for me look for anything, I don't use it for that. I know that I am wasting the use of such an amazing thing that we have now, but, I don't know that I really care.
I have this awesome feature on my overview page of my blog here and I check it everyday to see if anyone else has read what I have to say. I have to admit, I keep hoping to see someone from another country to read this and be like, wow, what a funny girl, but, that hasn't happened yet. I get to the point where I will post something and think that I'm super glad that I do have four people who read what my thoughts are, but, somewhere in me, I keep thinking that by the end of the year, it's going to be a world-wide super awesome great thing and HBO will want to do a TV series of my life and the strange but funny things that go one in it. I have that little visualisation thing that I go through and that's one of the things I like to see happening. I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for it just yet though.
Not only that, I was online, OK, so I was looking at the website for a festival that I work, and it seemed to occur to me that I just don't feel like I have a part in it. I mean, I work it, I have a great time doing it, but when the photos on the website show the same three people in about 50 different shots, it's gets a little discouraging. I want to feel like what I do makes a difference to people, maybe that's why I'm a Massage Therapist, but, I also kind of want be recognized for doing it too. I'm sure I've put this out there before but, I have the other fantasy that I somehow get to move back to California and I start to do massages for the stars and they all love me and pay me to come out to where they are for my awesome abilities... Be it in L.A or another state or whatever. I just want to be that good and sought after for it. Not in a bad way either, I'm not into happy endings like that... I like to give people a nice bottle of water after their massage, and that's it.
I keep thinking, especially the last couple of weeks, I have the power in me to be great! I know I am destined for greatness and for great wealth, I just haven't figured it out how I'm going to get there yet. I told my mom recently, about 3 weeks ago, that if I could be a public speaker, I would so do that for a living. I love to talk to people, in large groups or small groups or whatever, it makes no difference to me the size of the group, but, I love doing that kind of talking. For what I know now, I can talk about the importance of the 9000 lube oil series and how large engines use jacket water to cool engines. I can talk about the importance of loving yourself before you can learn to love others, I can talk about how great massages are for you. I know it's there... I asked for it, I just have to trust that it's going to come to me. And I do. I can feel it there, just under the surface, growing slowly until one day, it comes up and there it is. And I know that day is soon, it just hasn't happened just yet. The universe is still aligning everything that it needs to before I can come to that.
I think that I may take some of my own advice soon. Mostly what I say about meditating regularly. I have read last night, in an email, the importance of the chant OM. And in doing it this morning, I was able to focus and think some more, so I think that I will have to fashion a place in the house that I can sit and meditate and practice chanting OM. It was a great email, makes me want to learn more about Hindu's. If I still worked at Lowe's I could use my new religion to say that I have to have a nose hoop in and wear Bindi (are you staring at my dot?).
As for the Internet, I'm not going to stop using it or using it to obsess whether or not anyone reads what I have put out there. I'm not going to stop shopping online for roller skates and great pictures to put on my vision boards. I'm not going to break up with facebook, which I should because I find the only ones who give a shit, are the ones that I like to call anyway, I keep holding onto some strange hope that one of my Navy friends will actually care what's going on in my life now... I don't think they really do anymore, I'm not sure if they ever did to begin with... Mostly I want to tell the whole lot of them to fuck off... I'm still going to look up things that make no difference to me, like which dresses are on sale at Victoria's Secret. I just think that maybe, I need a break from the whole world of online life... Maybe not though... who knows.....
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Fear
It occurs to me that fear is a normal thing in our days. There use to be no question of what you were going to do or who you were going to end up with. Everything was already set for you. Of course this was at a time when we thought we were at the height of sophistication and baths should only be taken once or twice a year, if you were lucky. I think our media pours fear into our lives by telling us all the most horrible things that ever happen. They seem to use to our own fears against us all... This is why I don't watch the news or pay attention to things going on in the world, unless it's fashion. I want to fill my head with things in life that are good an make me want to be a better person. Lots of flowers and sunshine really... and pretty dresses.
As for me, I have my own fears in life. Recently, last week, I was going to bed and the joints in my toes were aching, as were the joints in my hands. I knew that I was starting to get sick again, and I had been sick already this year. In fact, it was just a month ago that I was sick, so, I was thinking that this was totally unnatural. My fears started to come up and I began to wonder about why was my immune system not doing what it was suppose to be doing. And try as I might to put that thought out of my head, things started to rush to my imagination about the state of my health. I was doing so much better by mid week, had been sleeping and was feeling pretty good. Thursday morning I woke up with what I have now been told is oral thrush... a yeast infection in my mouth. How does that happen? I know that sometimes the very old and very young get this, but, I'm not either one of those.
When I got home from the Dr.'s office this morning, turns out I have pink eye to go with this... What the fuck is going on? I turned on the computer and was doing a bit of research and found that in some cases, the thrush is because of a weakened immune system to due to other kinds of illnesses, like, HIV, cancer, or diabetes. Hmmm.... none of those sound good to me. I am not sure what to think about this new bit of information. Seems I should go to the Dr.... So, I have an appointment to see a regular doctor in 2 weeks. Until then, I get to speculate as to why I have been getting sick more regularly. I am going to take a nap here shortly, have to get good rest, and after that, any way I look at it, I am going to have to make some serious changes in my lifestyle. Eating lots of leafy greens to start and then, I'm sure that working out is no longer going to be something that I do once or twice a week... Looks like it's going to be a lot more than that. And water, lots of water!! Lastly, I'm thinking a lot more meditation everyday.
I could be making a lot out of this, and it could be just that I need to bone up on the amount of vitamin C that I take, but, I am very good at making a mountain out of a mole hill. It could totally be nothing and I'm just a bit over paranoid, but, that thought still lingers in my head. I think this could call for a relocation to the somewhere near the ocean. I would like to think that the ocean could help to heal my body and my soul.
My soul hasn't been feed it seems lately. I feel out of sync with my own life. Not that I am unhappy or anything like that, I love my family and my home, but, there is something that seems off. I feel antsy and I want to travel again. I see someplace in a movie and all I think of is what it will be like for me when I get there. Was watching Eat Pray Love, I so loved that book.. it gives me such amazing inspiration when I need it.. and I realized the box that Liz Gilbert had, the one with the travel brouchers, was the one that I had in my head. I never was good at keeping tons of stuff forever, but, I have a list of places that I want to see. Perhaps I will make that bucket list that I think is way too far off for me to make. I have to see Bali for sure, and Bora Bora, and New York City. I want nothing more than to live on some nice tropical island with mosquito's the size of chickens :) To feel the ocean that close to me again, is a piece of heaven.
Anyhow, time for a little nap, thinking about putting on some nice relaxing tunes and meditating for a little bit too. Should be a nice hour of solitude... Time to let it all go :)
As for me, I have my own fears in life. Recently, last week, I was going to bed and the joints in my toes were aching, as were the joints in my hands. I knew that I was starting to get sick again, and I had been sick already this year. In fact, it was just a month ago that I was sick, so, I was thinking that this was totally unnatural. My fears started to come up and I began to wonder about why was my immune system not doing what it was suppose to be doing. And try as I might to put that thought out of my head, things started to rush to my imagination about the state of my health. I was doing so much better by mid week, had been sleeping and was feeling pretty good. Thursday morning I woke up with what I have now been told is oral thrush... a yeast infection in my mouth. How does that happen? I know that sometimes the very old and very young get this, but, I'm not either one of those.
When I got home from the Dr.'s office this morning, turns out I have pink eye to go with this... What the fuck is going on? I turned on the computer and was doing a bit of research and found that in some cases, the thrush is because of a weakened immune system to due to other kinds of illnesses, like, HIV, cancer, or diabetes. Hmmm.... none of those sound good to me. I am not sure what to think about this new bit of information. Seems I should go to the Dr.... So, I have an appointment to see a regular doctor in 2 weeks. Until then, I get to speculate as to why I have been getting sick more regularly. I am going to take a nap here shortly, have to get good rest, and after that, any way I look at it, I am going to have to make some serious changes in my lifestyle. Eating lots of leafy greens to start and then, I'm sure that working out is no longer going to be something that I do once or twice a week... Looks like it's going to be a lot more than that. And water, lots of water!! Lastly, I'm thinking a lot more meditation everyday.
I could be making a lot out of this, and it could be just that I need to bone up on the amount of vitamin C that I take, but, I am very good at making a mountain out of a mole hill. It could totally be nothing and I'm just a bit over paranoid, but, that thought still lingers in my head. I think this could call for a relocation to the somewhere near the ocean. I would like to think that the ocean could help to heal my body and my soul.
My soul hasn't been feed it seems lately. I feel out of sync with my own life. Not that I am unhappy or anything like that, I love my family and my home, but, there is something that seems off. I feel antsy and I want to travel again. I see someplace in a movie and all I think of is what it will be like for me when I get there. Was watching Eat Pray Love, I so loved that book.. it gives me such amazing inspiration when I need it.. and I realized the box that Liz Gilbert had, the one with the travel brouchers, was the one that I had in my head. I never was good at keeping tons of stuff forever, but, I have a list of places that I want to see. Perhaps I will make that bucket list that I think is way too far off for me to make. I have to see Bali for sure, and Bora Bora, and New York City. I want nothing more than to live on some nice tropical island with mosquito's the size of chickens :) To feel the ocean that close to me again, is a piece of heaven.
Anyhow, time for a little nap, thinking about putting on some nice relaxing tunes and meditating for a little bit too. Should be a nice hour of solitude... Time to let it all go :)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Average life?
On the way to work on Tuesday, Thomas and I were discussing a bit of the news. There seems to be a school in NYC that is a PRIVATE HIGH SCHOOL that does a special kind of testing to get into it. The NAACP is suing this place for discrimination against black and Latino kids. The majority of the kids in this school are of Oriental decent, not white. They are saying that the testing that is done isn't fair.
Now this school did a city wide survey to see about the knowledge of the school in general. The ones who knew about this school seem to know about it when the kids are in 3rd grade and begin to study for the entrance exam. The rest of the kids in the city who hear about this school, don't find out about it until the are already in high school. It's not that these kids are stupid or anything, but, they simply don't know about it and have no time to study for the exam.
Let's think about this one, shall we... The Juilliard School is a very prestigious school that is dedicated to the teaching of the very best dancers, singers, actors/actresses, and musicians in the country. There most certainly is an entrance exam that one has to pass in order to get into this school. In fact, only the most talented get into the Juilliard. I don't see the NAACP suing the Juilliard because they are keeping out those without the skill and talent needed to get into the school. So what's the difference in this case?
I am wondering that right now... what is the difference between these schools that are both in NYC, that both have an entrance exam, that both only let in the top, the most exceptional students with the skill and talent, those who have studied and practiced for years to get to this school. And though the Juilliard is a college and this other school is a high school, it's still about working your ass off to get into the best school. You don't see everyone getting into MIT, Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, or Brown, or Oxford do you? Why? Because they aren't going to let just everyone in. No, these schools want only the best! Only the ones with the drive to succeed and the talent to get them places in life. They want to the ones who are going to make them proud to say, hey, we have... (pause for a moment... I don't know of a good example to put here) Kofi Annan, William Hewlett, C. S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, Benjamin Spock, Eli Whitney, Bill Clinton, George and George Jr Bush, James Madison, John F Kennedy, and author of one of my most beloved book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.
We don't discriminate against those who want to get into the elite schools in this country, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Navy Seals, Delta Force, Air Force Para jumpers, however these schools are not AVERAGE!!! They have elite standards and those who wish to attend have to meet those standards, and if you can't meet those standards, then it's not for you. But, those who can qualify are permitted to take the entrance exam. Our country needs to stop attempting to bring all schools down to an average standard, because this breeds average citizens. We are a great nation that needs to strive for elite citizens. We shouldn't attempt to brow beat schools simply because they have higher standards then the AVERAGE high schools. There is nothing wrong with these schools, and just because you not going to get into Delta Force, it doesn't mean that you can't be the best damn taxi driver in NYC. If you're going to do anything, be the best at it! Strive for perfection, do the very best that you can. No one can do everything, no one is going to tell you that you are going to be able to do everything... All you need to do is find your limitations and push harder.. Go further.. Do more. Be the best you, that you can be! Stop accepting AVERAGE as a way of living.
I don't really know where this whole case is going to lead the NAACP, and somehow, I hate to admit it, but, I just don't care tonight. I would love to say that this is the kind of case that will change our country, but, if it does, I think it will be for the wrong reasons, and we will just sink further into out abyss of mediocrity and self sabotage. We are saying it's OK to do your tests over and over again. It's OK that you can't read yet, you don't really have to. It's OK to sit on your ass and wait for everyone around you to pay your way through life, you don't need a job. I'm telling you right now, it's not OK. It's not OK for you to wait around for life to start, it's not OK to not work and expect everything to be handed to you. It's not OK to let the government to pay you to live somewhere so you can be lazy and irresponsible. And I truly think that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Sadly, too many of our problems have been caused by those who have come before us and said that make money at any cost is good for our people. But, they have failed to see what they did. I'm sure if Sam Walton was alive today, he would go ape shit over what has happened to his dream of America. It was suppose to be made in USA, and now, it's all made in China. ...... I just realized what a total tangent that was... sorry about that. If we go around expecting someone else to do everything for us, we will never get out of this mentality that average is acceptable. And maybe it is acceptable for some, but not for me. And not for my family... What about you? Is AVERAGE going to be your best? What kind of a life do you expect to get out of average?
Now this school did a city wide survey to see about the knowledge of the school in general. The ones who knew about this school seem to know about it when the kids are in 3rd grade and begin to study for the entrance exam. The rest of the kids in the city who hear about this school, don't find out about it until the are already in high school. It's not that these kids are stupid or anything, but, they simply don't know about it and have no time to study for the exam.
Let's think about this one, shall we... The Juilliard School is a very prestigious school that is dedicated to the teaching of the very best dancers, singers, actors/actresses, and musicians in the country. There most certainly is an entrance exam that one has to pass in order to get into this school. In fact, only the most talented get into the Juilliard. I don't see the NAACP suing the Juilliard because they are keeping out those without the skill and talent needed to get into the school. So what's the difference in this case?
I am wondering that right now... what is the difference between these schools that are both in NYC, that both have an entrance exam, that both only let in the top, the most exceptional students with the skill and talent, those who have studied and practiced for years to get to this school. And though the Juilliard is a college and this other school is a high school, it's still about working your ass off to get into the best school. You don't see everyone getting into MIT, Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, or Brown, or Oxford do you? Why? Because they aren't going to let just everyone in. No, these schools want only the best! Only the ones with the drive to succeed and the talent to get them places in life. They want to the ones who are going to make them proud to say, hey, we have... (pause for a moment... I don't know of a good example to put here) Kofi Annan, William Hewlett, C. S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, Benjamin Spock, Eli Whitney, Bill Clinton, George and George Jr Bush, James Madison, John F Kennedy, and author of one of my most beloved book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.
We don't discriminate against those who want to get into the elite schools in this country, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Navy Seals, Delta Force, Air Force Para jumpers, however these schools are not AVERAGE!!! They have elite standards and those who wish to attend have to meet those standards, and if you can't meet those standards, then it's not for you. But, those who can qualify are permitted to take the entrance exam. Our country needs to stop attempting to bring all schools down to an average standard, because this breeds average citizens. We are a great nation that needs to strive for elite citizens. We shouldn't attempt to brow beat schools simply because they have higher standards then the AVERAGE high schools. There is nothing wrong with these schools, and just because you not going to get into Delta Force, it doesn't mean that you can't be the best damn taxi driver in NYC. If you're going to do anything, be the best at it! Strive for perfection, do the very best that you can. No one can do everything, no one is going to tell you that you are going to be able to do everything... All you need to do is find your limitations and push harder.. Go further.. Do more. Be the best you, that you can be! Stop accepting AVERAGE as a way of living.
I don't really know where this whole case is going to lead the NAACP, and somehow, I hate to admit it, but, I just don't care tonight. I would love to say that this is the kind of case that will change our country, but, if it does, I think it will be for the wrong reasons, and we will just sink further into out abyss of mediocrity and self sabotage. We are saying it's OK to do your tests over and over again. It's OK that you can't read yet, you don't really have to. It's OK to sit on your ass and wait for everyone around you to pay your way through life, you don't need a job. I'm telling you right now, it's not OK. It's not OK for you to wait around for life to start, it's not OK to not work and expect everything to be handed to you. It's not OK to let the government to pay you to live somewhere so you can be lazy and irresponsible. And I truly think that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Sadly, too many of our problems have been caused by those who have come before us and said that make money at any cost is good for our people. But, they have failed to see what they did. I'm sure if Sam Walton was alive today, he would go ape shit over what has happened to his dream of America. It was suppose to be made in USA, and now, it's all made in China. ...... I just realized what a total tangent that was... sorry about that. If we go around expecting someone else to do everything for us, we will never get out of this mentality that average is acceptable. And maybe it is acceptable for some, but not for me. And not for my family... What about you? Is AVERAGE going to be your best? What kind of a life do you expect to get out of average?
Friday, February 15, 2013
Follow up to Self Motivation
In talking to Thomas after I finished writing the last entry, we talked some more about self motivation and he (being the super smart guy that I love) asked me many more questions that I thought was important to follow up with.
To start with, I think that there are two different kinds of people in the world, those who are internally motivated, and those who need external motivation. I am the second kind of person in these categories, Thomas and Kelsie are the first kind. I am glad that I get to be around those who are not like me. (Not only that, I love Thomas because he's a free thinker, someone who was taught to question everything and to live in reality and not the fantasy land that I so enjoy being in most of the time.) I was reading the other day about how your birth order can determine whether you are one who can move to think for themselves and those who compare themselves to others with the intent on winning in their performance. I am one of those people. Born to be a middle child, but I always compared myself to my sisters... and once we were in school I found it easy to compete with others around me... I was in Speech and Debate, ran track and cross country (though only one year of that, that shit wasn't fun... I'm wasn't a long distance person at that point, nor did I want to become one), played in the band, I did things that made me compete with others.. I wanted to be the best, no matter what I was doing. I didn't often succeed with that, but, I tried and really worked hard at doing my best to be the best. I realize now how much better I could have been if I only practiced a little bit more... I was just lazy.
Which brings me to me, again, with being lazy. I was thinking the other night, that I just don't know how to be self motivated and Kelsie comes back in from taking out the trash and asks if I want to work out... Now? Really, you just ate? So she said yeah, and I said, sounds good to me. What are we going to do? Zumba. OK, sounds good to me. And as soon as her dad came back in, I wondered if he had anything to do with it... I mean, he knows that I like to have someone to work out with, and it seemed almost out of the blue that she asked... She hasn't asked me to work out in a long time, though we have done so in recent weeks. So, we Zumba-ed... it was a lot of fun! We laughed a lot and were pretty sweaty afterwards. It was as though she knew that I wanted to work out just lacked the personal motivation to get it done. Very interesting indeed!
The next morning, I was to wake her up and we would do it again, this time, in the morning before school and work. I got up late. Woke her up and we didn't Zumba that day. I feel like it should be my responsibility to get it done everyday, for me at least. I thought about how this Wednesday was the start of Lent, I could do something for it. I'm not too big on giving things up for Lent, however, I could try to do something for it instead. So, I am going to Zumba for Lent. And I told Thomas that we are going to have sex everyday for 40 days... I look good when I'm getting some regularly... My face is all bright and shiny and my skin looks good... Now to start tanning too... I would look amazing at the end of those 40 days!
It's day three of Lent, I have yet to Zumba today, or anything else. For the most part, it's been a very lazy for me. I did manage to get out of the house, get money orders for bills, wash the cars, purchase a few little things for the house. Dish soap is always good to have, so are socks and shorts. I have a nice new goal that I am looking forward to trying. I am motivated to do this. It's a small thing, but, I have to. Self motivation starts with me... And I am ready to look within to get this done :)
To start with, I think that there are two different kinds of people in the world, those who are internally motivated, and those who need external motivation. I am the second kind of person in these categories, Thomas and Kelsie are the first kind. I am glad that I get to be around those who are not like me. (Not only that, I love Thomas because he's a free thinker, someone who was taught to question everything and to live in reality and not the fantasy land that I so enjoy being in most of the time.) I was reading the other day about how your birth order can determine whether you are one who can move to think for themselves and those who compare themselves to others with the intent on winning in their performance. I am one of those people. Born to be a middle child, but I always compared myself to my sisters... and once we were in school I found it easy to compete with others around me... I was in Speech and Debate, ran track and cross country (though only one year of that, that shit wasn't fun... I'm wasn't a long distance person at that point, nor did I want to become one), played in the band, I did things that made me compete with others.. I wanted to be the best, no matter what I was doing. I didn't often succeed with that, but, I tried and really worked hard at doing my best to be the best. I realize now how much better I could have been if I only practiced a little bit more... I was just lazy.
Which brings me to me, again, with being lazy. I was thinking the other night, that I just don't know how to be self motivated and Kelsie comes back in from taking out the trash and asks if I want to work out... Now? Really, you just ate? So she said yeah, and I said, sounds good to me. What are we going to do? Zumba. OK, sounds good to me. And as soon as her dad came back in, I wondered if he had anything to do with it... I mean, he knows that I like to have someone to work out with, and it seemed almost out of the blue that she asked... She hasn't asked me to work out in a long time, though we have done so in recent weeks. So, we Zumba-ed... it was a lot of fun! We laughed a lot and were pretty sweaty afterwards. It was as though she knew that I wanted to work out just lacked the personal motivation to get it done. Very interesting indeed!
The next morning, I was to wake her up and we would do it again, this time, in the morning before school and work. I got up late. Woke her up and we didn't Zumba that day. I feel like it should be my responsibility to get it done everyday, for me at least. I thought about how this Wednesday was the start of Lent, I could do something for it. I'm not too big on giving things up for Lent, however, I could try to do something for it instead. So, I am going to Zumba for Lent. And I told Thomas that we are going to have sex everyday for 40 days... I look good when I'm getting some regularly... My face is all bright and shiny and my skin looks good... Now to start tanning too... I would look amazing at the end of those 40 days!
It's day three of Lent, I have yet to Zumba today, or anything else. For the most part, it's been a very lazy for me. I did manage to get out of the house, get money orders for bills, wash the cars, purchase a few little things for the house. Dish soap is always good to have, so are socks and shorts. I have a nice new goal that I am looking forward to trying. I am motivated to do this. It's a small thing, but, I have to. Self motivation starts with me... And I am ready to look within to get this done :)
Monday, February 11, 2013
Self Motivation
So there I was, getting ready to go to bed last night. I had done some writing and some reading... the Maverick magazine... and my eyes were really tired. I was lying in bed, about to get up and take out my contacts and then, Thomas comes in with the computer and wants to watch G.I. Jane on the computer.
So, I take my contacts, and put my glasses on and crawl into bed with Thomas. I watched a bit of the movie and as we were watching it, there comes a part when it's the end of their first day and they are holding up a boat filled with water and Thomas made a comment that really made me think. He said, "No one can ever motivate you more than you can motivate yourself."
I tried to go back to sleep after he said that, and it was nearly impossible for a long time. I started to think about that statement and what did that mean to me, and was that a true statement for all people. I thought about being in the military and boot camp and what it took to get me to be motivated to get through that.
For me, it took a bad experience with a guy and no money and too many bills to decide that I needed to do something about that. I thought for sure that the Navy was the best option for me. So I left and joined the Navy. I knew that I had to get through boot camp which was not going to be easy, nor was it going to be fun, but it was something that had to be done. Done for me, done for my family, done because I was tired of being a screw up my adult life... all three years of it at that point. So, I went for it. I had nothing to lose and everything to prove to me. I think I wanted to do it, just because I wanted to do. (I used to say that the first thing I ever did for myself was to get a massage, the second thing I ever did for myself was join the military.)
So there I was now, in boot camp. All I knew was that I needed to stand up straight, shine my shoes nicely, and get the thousand mile stare down. (To this day, I still have that stare down.) How did I make it that far then? How on earth did I manage to get through the hardest thing I had ever done? It's interesting to tell people that I got into trouble all the time! There was never a day that I didn't forget to do something or have to do something over. I was division Yeoman, which we just called the Yo-Bitch... the divisional secretary is what it really amounts to. I used to forget the roll call sheet and leave the division and have to go back, and then get into trouble for that later in the day. I used to cross the street on the wrong side of the road, or wear my little messenger bag on the wrong side and get into trouble. And, when you get into trouble, you get 'beat'. Getting beat, was a regular thing for me (this is were you would have to do lots of extra exercise), but it also kept me motivated to finish boot camp. I remember hearing my RDC (Recruit Division Commander) saying something to the effect that he was going to ASMO my ass if I didn't get it together, and after that, I didn't have any problems getting into trouble anymore. It was the best motivation that I ever had. And after that, I would strive to make sure that I was the best in the group. I used to work so hard at just being the best at whatever I was doing that I wouldn't let anyone tell me that I couldn't do it.
I worked my ass off for a few years to be the very best Engineman that I could be. I made Second Class Petty Officer in less than three years, I got and EP (early promote) on my first Second Class eval, with a 4.57 on that eval. I was shit hot... I was a great sailor...
And then I lost it all. After that, it was like I lost all the motivation to be the best. I couldn't do anything for me. I didn't want to do anything for myself anymore. What was the point? There was no more competition for me, no one to run against, no one to push me. I didn't have to push myself to be better than the guys that I was around, I wasn't in competition with them anymore. I had no one to use as an example. Life was just blah without motivation.
I have tried to get myself motivated to do better, and for the most part, I am doing so much better now. I am awesome as far as my work goes, and I love doing it. I want to be the best at what I do, and I will work very hard to become that. I keep thinking that if I ever got to get back to California, I would be the massage therapist that everyone in Hollywood would want to go to... I keep thinking I am that good... Who knows on that one, it's a fantasy for now, but, I wouldn't mind if it was a reality.
But, for life, for the rest of things for me, I still have no motivation to be better.. I mean sure I want to be the best mom that I can be, and I want to have a nice home and be great, but, when I want to work out, that's when I have the problems. I can do it for about a month and then, I just lose the drive that it takes to finish anything. I see some results and then I don't keep going... for whatever reason.
So, what does it take to be self motivated? What can I do to get that back, to be in competition with someone who only wants me to succeed, but is able to push me to do better... Perhaps I need to do something big to get back on track, like train for a triathlon or a 10K run or something like that... I just need to look for something to get me going... Hmmmm... something to push for... to make myself a better person... to get my back to healthy and somewhat fit.. or fitter than I am now... maybe to fit into my jeans that I loved so much... the jeans that I bought after my first deployment, the Mudd jeans that looked amazing... hmmmmmm...... This could work. I will have to look into this one... maybe, just maybe :)
So, I take my contacts, and put my glasses on and crawl into bed with Thomas. I watched a bit of the movie and as we were watching it, there comes a part when it's the end of their first day and they are holding up a boat filled with water and Thomas made a comment that really made me think. He said, "No one can ever motivate you more than you can motivate yourself."
I tried to go back to sleep after he said that, and it was nearly impossible for a long time. I started to think about that statement and what did that mean to me, and was that a true statement for all people. I thought about being in the military and boot camp and what it took to get me to be motivated to get through that.
For me, it took a bad experience with a guy and no money and too many bills to decide that I needed to do something about that. I thought for sure that the Navy was the best option for me. So I left and joined the Navy. I knew that I had to get through boot camp which was not going to be easy, nor was it going to be fun, but it was something that had to be done. Done for me, done for my family, done because I was tired of being a screw up my adult life... all three years of it at that point. So, I went for it. I had nothing to lose and everything to prove to me. I think I wanted to do it, just because I wanted to do. (I used to say that the first thing I ever did for myself was to get a massage, the second thing I ever did for myself was join the military.)
So there I was now, in boot camp. All I knew was that I needed to stand up straight, shine my shoes nicely, and get the thousand mile stare down. (To this day, I still have that stare down.) How did I make it that far then? How on earth did I manage to get through the hardest thing I had ever done? It's interesting to tell people that I got into trouble all the time! There was never a day that I didn't forget to do something or have to do something over. I was division Yeoman, which we just called the Yo-Bitch... the divisional secretary is what it really amounts to. I used to forget the roll call sheet and leave the division and have to go back, and then get into trouble for that later in the day. I used to cross the street on the wrong side of the road, or wear my little messenger bag on the wrong side and get into trouble. And, when you get into trouble, you get 'beat'. Getting beat, was a regular thing for me (this is were you would have to do lots of extra exercise), but it also kept me motivated to finish boot camp. I remember hearing my RDC (Recruit Division Commander) saying something to the effect that he was going to ASMO my ass if I didn't get it together, and after that, I didn't have any problems getting into trouble anymore. It was the best motivation that I ever had. And after that, I would strive to make sure that I was the best in the group. I used to work so hard at just being the best at whatever I was doing that I wouldn't let anyone tell me that I couldn't do it.
I worked my ass off for a few years to be the very best Engineman that I could be. I made Second Class Petty Officer in less than three years, I got and EP (early promote) on my first Second Class eval, with a 4.57 on that eval. I was shit hot... I was a great sailor...
And then I lost it all. After that, it was like I lost all the motivation to be the best. I couldn't do anything for me. I didn't want to do anything for myself anymore. What was the point? There was no more competition for me, no one to run against, no one to push me. I didn't have to push myself to be better than the guys that I was around, I wasn't in competition with them anymore. I had no one to use as an example. Life was just blah without motivation.
I have tried to get myself motivated to do better, and for the most part, I am doing so much better now. I am awesome as far as my work goes, and I love doing it. I want to be the best at what I do, and I will work very hard to become that. I keep thinking that if I ever got to get back to California, I would be the massage therapist that everyone in Hollywood would want to go to... I keep thinking I am that good... Who knows on that one, it's a fantasy for now, but, I wouldn't mind if it was a reality.
But, for life, for the rest of things for me, I still have no motivation to be better.. I mean sure I want to be the best mom that I can be, and I want to have a nice home and be great, but, when I want to work out, that's when I have the problems. I can do it for about a month and then, I just lose the drive that it takes to finish anything. I see some results and then I don't keep going... for whatever reason.
So, what does it take to be self motivated? What can I do to get that back, to be in competition with someone who only wants me to succeed, but is able to push me to do better... Perhaps I need to do something big to get back on track, like train for a triathlon or a 10K run or something like that... I just need to look for something to get me going... Hmmmm... something to push for... to make myself a better person... to get my back to healthy and somewhat fit.. or fitter than I am now... maybe to fit into my jeans that I loved so much... the jeans that I bought after my first deployment, the Mudd jeans that looked amazing... hmmmmmm...... This could work. I will have to look into this one... maybe, just maybe :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Tipping is not a town in China...
The last week, I was reading online about a waitress who was fired for taking a picture of a friends' check that said, "I give God 10%, why should I give you 18?" This got me to thinking about the men and women all over who work in a service type of job that for most, rely on getting a tip for service that was done well.
I was a waitress in a pizza place for a few short months, and while, it wasn't the longest job in my career, I did learn that those who are trying to pay the bills on a meager salary of less than $5.00 an hr, plus tips, regularly get stiffed. Now, who does this? Why, I ask you, does this happen to the ones who have to wait tables, or cut hair, or give massages?
For those of you that don't know, there are more people in this country who rely on tips than just the girl or boy who waits tables at the local steakhouse. Do you tip your hair stylist? What about your massage therapist, do you tip them? The point that I'm trying to make is that, despite what some may think about the service industry, we count on giving you the best service we can give, so you can leave us a small token of appreciation in the form of a monetary tip. Now, in addition to money, I have left tips like, never eat yellow snow, and things like that, but, I have always left money (unless the service was really bad, in that case, I leave the change in my purse). It hasn't always been in the middle of the table, but, everyone is young once.
Why do we tip? What's the purpose? When did it become the normal thing to do? We tend to tip, when the service is good. The wait staff comes to the table to refill your water, to check to see if everything tastes OK, if the food is done to your liking. They are timely in greeting you and getting your order to you, as much as possible at least (there are the occasions that the cook is a bit behind and the waiters have to make up for it). The purpose, is to show your appreciation of a job well done. On a $5 ticket, I will leave up to $3 for good service... that's much more than your 10% - 20% that is usually expected. Now what about your hair person? What's a good tip for them? Well, it depends on where you go I would say. The girl who does my hair can expect up to $20 for a good cut and color from me. But, for a job well done, $5-$10 is usually about the normal tip. So then, what about a good massage? The one that you go to the spa to get. This one for me is a hard one, because I am a massage therapist. I have to think about what do I want to do for this person... not in a gross way, but, what have the asked me to do? Are they here to relax, do they have sore feet that need some love, did they wake up with a kink in their neck? There is a lot of things to consider for this one. Not only that, how long are they here for? Are they here for a quick 30 minutes, or an hour, or even an hour and a half? What do they hope to get out of it? I know that I ask questions, and my goal for the time that I am working, I am trying to make your body feel as good as it can, given whatever damage you may have done to it. I know that it takes a lot of energy and time, and effort into giving, not just a good massage, but a great massage... WHY DO I GET STIFFED? I know that there are lot of people who think that just because I work in an office, I set my own prices, but, for the majority of those who work in an office, they don't set the price, nor do they see all of the money that is charged for the service. We pay rent for our spaces, we purchase our own supplies, and for me, do my own laundry, which can be super pricey when you have to go to the laundry mat to do it twice a week.
So what's the deal? Are we not working hard enough for you? Are we not pleasing to what you want or need? Is it so hard to believe that we work for tips? My grandmother's generation didn't tip and I used to be shocked when we would go out for dinner and my grandfather would leave a very small tip. I never understood that, but, it was something that I never asked about. It wasn't my business in that one. But, that was their generation. The generation that I see the most of, forgets that we are working to pay our bills, to feed our families and to keep our cars running.
I want you all to know that, Tipping is not a town in China, it's how we pay the babysitter, put gas our cars to get us to work, it's the kids' lunch money and the money for their school pictures. Think about this the next time you go out and you're watching the waitress try her hardest to make your visit to her restaurant the best time it can be, tip a little more. When your hairstylist finishes your colors and they are the greatest and you look amazing, give him a little bit more. When your massage therapist just makes that headache that has been bothering you all week go always, give them a little extra thanks. Show that you appreciate the work that they do FOR YOU by tipping. I promise, they will remember you, and take that much better care the next time you come in, whether by, getting you a good seat or a free appetizer or drink, or a little extra with your style, or work that much more into the muscles that ache, they will remember you, why not have it be for a good reason, instead of thinking of you as someone whose going to stiff them every time you walk through the door?
I was a waitress in a pizza place for a few short months, and while, it wasn't the longest job in my career, I did learn that those who are trying to pay the bills on a meager salary of less than $5.00 an hr, plus tips, regularly get stiffed. Now, who does this? Why, I ask you, does this happen to the ones who have to wait tables, or cut hair, or give massages?
For those of you that don't know, there are more people in this country who rely on tips than just the girl or boy who waits tables at the local steakhouse. Do you tip your hair stylist? What about your massage therapist, do you tip them? The point that I'm trying to make is that, despite what some may think about the service industry, we count on giving you the best service we can give, so you can leave us a small token of appreciation in the form of a monetary tip. Now, in addition to money, I have left tips like, never eat yellow snow, and things like that, but, I have always left money (unless the service was really bad, in that case, I leave the change in my purse). It hasn't always been in the middle of the table, but, everyone is young once.
Why do we tip? What's the purpose? When did it become the normal thing to do? We tend to tip, when the service is good. The wait staff comes to the table to refill your water, to check to see if everything tastes OK, if the food is done to your liking. They are timely in greeting you and getting your order to you, as much as possible at least (there are the occasions that the cook is a bit behind and the waiters have to make up for it). The purpose, is to show your appreciation of a job well done. On a $5 ticket, I will leave up to $3 for good service... that's much more than your 10% - 20% that is usually expected. Now what about your hair person? What's a good tip for them? Well, it depends on where you go I would say. The girl who does my hair can expect up to $20 for a good cut and color from me. But, for a job well done, $5-$10 is usually about the normal tip. So then, what about a good massage? The one that you go to the spa to get. This one for me is a hard one, because I am a massage therapist. I have to think about what do I want to do for this person... not in a gross way, but, what have the asked me to do? Are they here to relax, do they have sore feet that need some love, did they wake up with a kink in their neck? There is a lot of things to consider for this one. Not only that, how long are they here for? Are they here for a quick 30 minutes, or an hour, or even an hour and a half? What do they hope to get out of it? I know that I ask questions, and my goal for the time that I am working, I am trying to make your body feel as good as it can, given whatever damage you may have done to it. I know that it takes a lot of energy and time, and effort into giving, not just a good massage, but a great massage... WHY DO I GET STIFFED? I know that there are lot of people who think that just because I work in an office, I set my own prices, but, for the majority of those who work in an office, they don't set the price, nor do they see all of the money that is charged for the service. We pay rent for our spaces, we purchase our own supplies, and for me, do my own laundry, which can be super pricey when you have to go to the laundry mat to do it twice a week.
So what's the deal? Are we not working hard enough for you? Are we not pleasing to what you want or need? Is it so hard to believe that we work for tips? My grandmother's generation didn't tip and I used to be shocked when we would go out for dinner and my grandfather would leave a very small tip. I never understood that, but, it was something that I never asked about. It wasn't my business in that one. But, that was their generation. The generation that I see the most of, forgets that we are working to pay our bills, to feed our families and to keep our cars running.
I want you all to know that, Tipping is not a town in China, it's how we pay the babysitter, put gas our cars to get us to work, it's the kids' lunch money and the money for their school pictures. Think about this the next time you go out and you're watching the waitress try her hardest to make your visit to her restaurant the best time it can be, tip a little more. When your hairstylist finishes your colors and they are the greatest and you look amazing, give him a little bit more. When your massage therapist just makes that headache that has been bothering you all week go always, give them a little extra thanks. Show that you appreciate the work that they do FOR YOU by tipping. I promise, they will remember you, and take that much better care the next time you come in, whether by, getting you a good seat or a free appetizer or drink, or a little extra with your style, or work that much more into the muscles that ache, they will remember you, why not have it be for a good reason, instead of thinking of you as someone whose going to stiff them every time you walk through the door?
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Groundhog's Day
The last couple of days/weeks, I have seen a lot of pictures of women who are super skinny and have no ass, or they have a huge ass and no body. I have also become a fan of the Facebook page dedicated to curvy women. I like curvy women. I think that we, as a nation, as humans, need to be able to look at any women, and see her beauty, not a roll. I'm not saying that we shouldn't see the beauty in a woman who is fit and lean or anything like that, but, I think that we should become a bit more tolerant of the ones who are not. I think we should bring back the woman who has curves and loves her body. The one who will go out to eat and order a beer and red meat. The one who eats a baked potato with sour cream and bacon.
As I am writing this today, I am drinking a beer, eating artichoke and spinach dip with tortilla chips. It has been a long road that I have been down with the constant battle with my body. I am beginning to love the body that I have. It's not a size 2 or 8 or even a 16.. more like a 12 ish. I really do enjoy working out and I know that it's something that makes me feel good. I don't have to be a smaller size to feel like I'm a beautiful woman though. I have a beautiful smile, and a beautiful spirit. I try to look for the bright side to every thing and see only the good in others. I need to be more realistic in my judgments of others of course, but, my heart is nearly always in the right place. My career is that of helping others and I love that!
My body is a place where I have carried my beautiful daughter, Piper. She gave me stretch marks and I no longer view them as an ugly thing. I see them as a physical reward to something that I made it though to the end. Pregnancy was not the easiest thing for me, and I am so glad that I have those reminders of my little angelfish everyday... She is my heart and soul and I couldn't be happier with her. She's a sweet little thing. I carry the reminders of people who have made me who I am as tattoos on my body. The car, my dream car. The rose, a dare from a guy that I liked. The fire, because that's me. The girl on the mushroom with the words Angel under it, again, that's me, but David always called me his 'lil Angel'. The ones on my back, because I wanted them there. The Libra sign on my wrist, another one that is me... The stars, the sparrow, and flowers, because I wanted to be 'that girl with the tattoos on her arm and neck'. I have big boobs and trust me, I love them!!! I love to show them off. I love to have every man in a room stare at them, because they are real and they are beautiful!
I know that I am not going to ever be a size 2 or 4 or 6, but, I wouldn't mind making it to 8. I know that that takes a lot of work and dedication and effort of putting only good things into my body... I do workout about 3 days a week, but, I love my food.
I think that there is a lot of pressure for women to look a certain way in America. We look at actresses and singers and think that we should look like that and we will find a man who will love us. We want to feel sexy and love the way that we look. But, what is so wrong with the way we look? Why do we think we need a man for us to feel sexy? I am saying this because, I there are too many women out there who shouldn't look at themselves and critique what they see.
I read something today about a woman who had taken a family picture and when her mom and dad look at this photo, they see family that they worked hard to raise. Her brother got away with wearing shorts in this photo, and she saw her smile... she was right about the way we look at ourselves. We are our own worst enemy.
My body isn't perfect and I am the only one in my house that looks at the fat parts of it and dislikes what I see. My boyfriend loves my hips and my boobs and that I have a figure. He loves that there is something to hold onto. He loves to try to sleep between my breasts, it's kind of cute. He loves that I have an ass to slap, not that I always like it when he does. My goal is to love my body as much as he does. This one goes back to the whole, be my own model! I can do this, I can do this!!!
So, for all you women out there, who are not the size 2 that you think you want to be, embrace the way you are today. Embrace the qualities that make you, you. Embrace your size and become a woman that YOU love... YOU are the one who needs to love you, not a man, not a woman, not anyone, but you. Once you have the idea through you head that it's OK to love yourself, everyone who tells you that they love you for you, will be received a lot better. I used to listen to my ex-husband tell me that I was beautiful and I would say yeah whatever... once I started to love myself, it was so much easier to hear that I was beautiful and to really believe it (it wasn't until we were divorced that I liked myself).
Here is to you, you are a beautiful woman, see your own beauty... Love yourself!
As I am writing this today, I am drinking a beer, eating artichoke and spinach dip with tortilla chips. It has been a long road that I have been down with the constant battle with my body. I am beginning to love the body that I have. It's not a size 2 or 8 or even a 16.. more like a 12 ish. I really do enjoy working out and I know that it's something that makes me feel good. I don't have to be a smaller size to feel like I'm a beautiful woman though. I have a beautiful smile, and a beautiful spirit. I try to look for the bright side to every thing and see only the good in others. I need to be more realistic in my judgments of others of course, but, my heart is nearly always in the right place. My career is that of helping others and I love that!
My body is a place where I have carried my beautiful daughter, Piper. She gave me stretch marks and I no longer view them as an ugly thing. I see them as a physical reward to something that I made it though to the end. Pregnancy was not the easiest thing for me, and I am so glad that I have those reminders of my little angelfish everyday... She is my heart and soul and I couldn't be happier with her. She's a sweet little thing. I carry the reminders of people who have made me who I am as tattoos on my body. The car, my dream car. The rose, a dare from a guy that I liked. The fire, because that's me. The girl on the mushroom with the words Angel under it, again, that's me, but David always called me his 'lil Angel'. The ones on my back, because I wanted them there. The Libra sign on my wrist, another one that is me... The stars, the sparrow, and flowers, because I wanted to be 'that girl with the tattoos on her arm and neck'. I have big boobs and trust me, I love them!!! I love to show them off. I love to have every man in a room stare at them, because they are real and they are beautiful!
I know that I am not going to ever be a size 2 or 4 or 6, but, I wouldn't mind making it to 8. I know that that takes a lot of work and dedication and effort of putting only good things into my body... I do workout about 3 days a week, but, I love my food.
I think that there is a lot of pressure for women to look a certain way in America. We look at actresses and singers and think that we should look like that and we will find a man who will love us. We want to feel sexy and love the way that we look. But, what is so wrong with the way we look? Why do we think we need a man for us to feel sexy? I am saying this because, I there are too many women out there who shouldn't look at themselves and critique what they see.
I read something today about a woman who had taken a family picture and when her mom and dad look at this photo, they see family that they worked hard to raise. Her brother got away with wearing shorts in this photo, and she saw her smile... she was right about the way we look at ourselves. We are our own worst enemy.
My body isn't perfect and I am the only one in my house that looks at the fat parts of it and dislikes what I see. My boyfriend loves my hips and my boobs and that I have a figure. He loves that there is something to hold onto. He loves to try to sleep between my breasts, it's kind of cute. He loves that I have an ass to slap, not that I always like it when he does. My goal is to love my body as much as he does. This one goes back to the whole, be my own model! I can do this, I can do this!!!
So, for all you women out there, who are not the size 2 that you think you want to be, embrace the way you are today. Embrace the qualities that make you, you. Embrace your size and become a woman that YOU love... YOU are the one who needs to love you, not a man, not a woman, not anyone, but you. Once you have the idea through you head that it's OK to love yourself, everyone who tells you that they love you for you, will be received a lot better. I used to listen to my ex-husband tell me that I was beautiful and I would say yeah whatever... once I started to love myself, it was so much easier to hear that I was beautiful and to really believe it (it wasn't until we were divorced that I liked myself).
Here is to you, you are a beautiful woman, see your own beauty... Love yourself!
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