This morning, I was reading an old issue of Rolling Stone magazine, it was from October 10th of this year, and I was reading about being a gay teen in the bible belt of America. It was really disturbing. Not because I am opposed to anyone being gay or straight, but, by the way that schools in America can kick you out, if you tell them you are gay. These schools are the Christian schools, and the article was talking about schools in Georgia specifically.
Now, for the record, I do not believe in religion. I don't believe that any one of us is better than anyone else and I don't believe that making someone conform to your religious beliefs because of what some book says is an acceptable form of discrimination. Every single person on this planet is a person and deserves to be treated as such, without fear of retaliation due to any preference. I think that every person can teach us something, and if we are too focused on our differences, then we will fail to see how we are all brothers and sisters of this earth. We are all people, we are all mammals, born to parents, under many different circumstances. We have brown, black, white, yellow, red skin and blue, green, hazel, brown, black, violet and dichromatic eyes. Our hair grows out on top of our heads and we speak to one another through our written languages, and songs and poetry, and stories. There is few things greater in life than being in love and having that love returned to us. And all of us want to feel safe and accepted by our families and our friends. And then we are taught about religion.
I think it's one thing to have some sort of faith, yet a totally different thing to practice a religion. It's religion that has rules and regulations that were put forth by MAN to control the masses through fear and guilt. It was MAN who wrote that book that so many cling to like some sort of only word there was. And yes, some will say that it was through the holy spirit that these books were written, but, tell me, why did they need to go through so many edits, over 150, for a book to be put out. If my Anne Rice's books went through that many edits, I am sure that the meaning of it would be lost within the first 10 edits. Why does this book make it seem like all women are evil and should be treated as less than humans? In fact, didn't these edits take out some of the book that were indeed written by females, with only two women's stories that made the edits, Ester and Ruth? Why are all the women, save these two (well, actually three, Naomi is in the book of Ruth and she's not the devil) given roles such as the harlot and the traitor and that prostitute and the one who killed the garden for Adam and the ones who have no will power and the jealous ones? You don't think that men have the ability to have some of the same qualities, but, we can't put that out that men are like this, it would destroy the ploy to have women seem like we are insignificant to man, and only good for our ovaries.
No, I'm not angry over this, and don't really get me going about some of the time line issues that I have with the that book. Many things just do not line up at all with what the time lines are. Back to the issue. I was horrified and saddened to think that people who proclaim to be such great humans are the ones who are assaulting, harassing, and bullying those they don't understand. Way to go, fucking Christians. I have said this more than once, if you're so good and kind and look I'm going to heaven because I'm such a nice person, why do you feel the need to berate someone you don't know/understand? I don't know about you, I was raised going to church, reading the bible, having a great time with the youth group, all that jazz, but, here is what I don't understand. I was told that because of Christ, the old testament would now be considered more like a history part of the book and all the old ways were thrown out and we were to live by the laws set forth in the new testament... I could be totally wrong, but, this is what I remember, and it has been quite a while since I read it... but, in this new testament, it states, Love one another as yourself, God is love, God is a loving God, yet, what is being shown to me by these 'good Christians' is that their god is not like this. If they were to live a life of a good person that they are trying to perceive, then we wouldn't have all these issues.
So why do we have this intolerance of others? I have many friends who are gay or lesbian or transgender and personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't look at them any different than I would my own sister (doesn't matter which sister, but you get the gist). There is NOTHING wrong these people. They are people who are trying to make sense of their lives, just as any other person on this earth is trying to do. What's the problem then? If a couple of men or women want to get married, does that invalidate your marriage? Does it affect you in any way? No and no. I am sickened to think that this is going on, and I am so angry with the ones who think they are better than anyone else because they are straight. How dare you try to pigeon hole anyone into some little square peg because of your own religious convictions!
But the biggest problem that I see with this is these kids are the ones who are suffering and it's been going on for long time, and it will continue to go on as long as we continue to teach hate to our kids. You know what I hate, tomatoes. And button mushrooms. I do not hate a person because of who they are. I love women. They are such soft kissers and they are so much different then men. I could totally sleep with women, but, I have a lot of respect for anyone who dates a woman. We are all crazy! Seriously, fucking nuts here! I have slept with women before and I can honestly say, I enjoyed it. I have a thing for this totally cute girl who works at the grocery store, she is so fucking cute... LOVE HER! I don't get excited over women that much any more. I am pretty much settled, but, every once in a while, I still think about it. Judy, my Princess, my girlfriend. I love her forever and ever. And, yes, I have slept her.
I want to change this for kids. I want to make it a better place for those who think that they have to hide who they truly are because our society is not ready for them. It's not their fault and it's not acceptable to treat them any less than you would treat any other person. So, what can be done? I am unsure, but, when I know, I am there. I support LGBT individuals. I still don't see them as any different than anyone else, and it baffles my mind that it goes on.
When I was in California, I had a roommate, name was Ed. I love Ed to death, but, he was so afraid of gay men. I had to sit him down one night and ask, why. I didn't know any man who was attracted to Ed. And even if they were, they never said anything to him. He was always so paranoid that a man would hit on him. What a nice compliment, to have someone hit on you. Always made me feel so good that another person found me attractive enough to want to do anything with me. Fuck, I mean, it never happened when I was in high school, so to have it happen at all, I was pretty stoked about it. I don't understand the hate that goes into this, really, it makes my head spin. I have found that so many are hurting to be themselves and they are so scared that no one will accept them for it. I can't say that high school was easy, it's not. But to have the level of difficultly exponentially increased because of sexual preference, well, that shouldn't come into play.
Perhaps what needs to start happening here is a school to be opened that doesn't allow redneck idiot motherfuckers in it. Maybe we should have schools that promote being yourself, no matter what that is. I hate to see the whole segregation thing come into play though... This isn't how life should be, but, what else can be done? There will always be bullies in schools who think they are so tough, and there will always be kids who will be picked on for a variety of reasons. Let's stop making sex one of those reasons. Life is what you make of it, but, if that's true, why do so many have to make it so hard on other people? There will always be ups and downs, and there is an ebb and flow to life, but, why do we teach our kids that it's OK to make it miserable for the ones that we don't understand?
This week, I begin to teach Piper meditation. I am hoping that I can somehow instill in her respect for all living things. I am not sure how to go about it, but, I am going to start with breathing. Imagining I am inhaling gratitude and exhaling love. I think that if we could all teach our kids basic respect of all human life, we would be onto something. So that's where I am at. Teaching the one person whom I have to mold and meld breathing, love, tolerance, acceptance, and respect. No, I am not leaving that to school or to church, it's MY job, as a parent to teach her these things. It's MY job to be the example of these things. I hope that I do good job.
To all those who have been bullied and hurt as a child or a teen or an adult, I applaud you. I will be here with you to take a stand against those who will try to oppress you or tell you that you are less than a human because of who you are. We're not going to take it anymore, and I am with you!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Things that make you go hmmmm....
Last week, I was talking to a friend, and I was loving how she made a schedule of everything to do in the day. I laughed at putting in a shower daily, but, when she told me how some days, it just doesn't happen, I thought it was a good idea to ensure that getting clean was on the daily "to do" list.... so we laughed. We got to talking about how her life got to a point where she needed to have the schedule in the first place. I envy her, but not in the jealous kind of way, I am happy for her success and I truly hope that she continues to be even more successful, but in an envy like, oh the life, kind of way.
As the conversation progressed, she told me, you are a good writer, you should write a book. To which I replied that I am not a fiction kind of girl. I like to talk about things I know about, like life. I think truth is much stranger than fiction any day! Though it does take the fun out of the fantasy genre if we can't have werewolves or vampires or zombies or The world of Harry Potter, whom, we all love. I blew off the idea until last night, though, I am not too sure what I would write about. I love to read and watch movies and I think if it was ever made into a movie, which of course it would be, I would have to have Kevin Smith to direct, and add his touches too. The part of me would be played by someone really awesome, who could capture me, and after seeing her role in Percy Jackson and the Olympians The Lightning Thief, could be no other than Rosario Dawson. I love her work!!
Anyhow, total tangent there, but, my life specifically would have to be what I would write about. I mean, I write about it now, and I laugh at what things happen to me and things that happen to family and sometimes, what happens to other people. I have funny things that I observe about the items we find everyday. In fact, I have notebooks filled with my funny thoughts, I have been doing that since high school. I love to read fiction, it gives me the idea of a life that I can escape into. Like, A Wrinkle in Time or the ones that I am reading now, The Mystic Wolves Series, which I am loving them! I love being able to read the next one in the series as she writes it... Lucky me! But what really makes me think about things are the books that are non-fiction. I like to learn about people who were living in the slums or on the streets and then they are multi-millionaires. I love to learn about how they did it and it makes me realize that I can do that too. I am not too sure how it's going to happen, but, I know that it will. I can feel that I am on the verge of greatness, I am there really. It's happening right now, my ships come in, on a calm sea under grace, in perfect ways. I know it sounds crazy, but, it's true.
I was on Facebook a bit ago, and there was an article about beauty and it said that what our perception of beauty is, is based of what the media tell us it is. I was so mad because, here I am saying the exact same thing, though, slightly ever so less articulate than this man, but, I was amazed that I have the same ideas as other much more well known author. And I was kind of mad at my friend who posted it, not because I was mad at her, but, if she thought enough of it to agree with him, why didn't she agree and re post what I had to say. I think I would have to agree on the beauty thing, the first step to being beautiful, is to love ones self. I don't know if I could stand in front of the mirror naked and really look at myself, (mainly because our mirrors are up tall and I don't stand that tall) but, to really accept all the parts of me that I see as a flaw. But, why do I see it as a flaw. I think I will go back and forth on this one for a while, probably as long as I live.
I like me. I would go so far as to say that I love myself. It's taken me many years to get to a point where I can say that too. I used a lot of alcohol and drugs to escape myself for a long time, and now, I don't need to escape. I know what I don't like about me, but, it doesn't mean that I can't be alone, it just means that there is always room for improvement. I think it was from the Dali Lama who said, "You are perfect just the way you are. There is always room for improvement" I agree with him. I often ask Thomas about this. Is it knowing that I have things that I don't like and accept those parts of me, or is about changing what I don't like? I keep resolving to change the wobbly bits of me because I don't' like them, yet, I still haven't made an attempt to do anything about it. Does that mean that I accept it and just love it subconsciously? I can tell you that I do NOT love going to buy bigger clothes, yet, Thomas keeps telling me that I look good where I'm at. I think he's trying to get me really big. I can feel myself pushing maximum density here if I let him continue to feed me the way he does. But he loves to cook, and well, I love to eat.
Back to the book idea, I started to write a children's book last year. I have yet to finish it. I loved the idea of it though. In fact I started to work on two books last year. One was about my life in the military, what an adventure that was, and the other, was for Piper, so she could have a story that was written just for her, with elements of her dad and her Godfather in it... They were the ones who came up with the magical blue pony in the first place. I will have them done before my birthday next year, 2014. Whether or not they are published is another matter, but, I will get them done, and people will know who I am. I hope that they will find me as endearing as I found someone like, Bridget Jones... I so love her!
And for the record, I have to bitch for a moment. Not that I think it makes a difference or not, but, I have told Thomas about how much this really bothered me and I think it's just eating me up and makes me mad. So, I was working at the market one day, and a very nice couple came up and the gentleman said that "I love you and I hate you. I think every week that I should call you for a massage, and then I remember that you don't live in ___." And I was flattered by that, it really made my day, until, I heard, another person say they were so much better at it than me. I felt so invalidated and I was really upset by that. And do I say anything about it, no? I didn't. Instead, I just let it fester in me until now, when I am finally asking myself why do I continue to work with anyone who is like this. I have put some serious thought into will I work with them again... next year, I mean. I don't know. I love her, and I love working with her, but, it's little things like that, that make it really hard to do so. Who knows what the year will bring though... I could be living in Oregon by then :)
I had a friend come over for dinner tonight, it was so nice to have a girlfriend over again. We talked and laughed and had so much fun, I had forgotten what it was like to just have girl fun. She is home now, and Piper is in my bed tonight. I am waiting for the moon. Tonight, it's the Blood Moon, and I really wanted to do some meditating while the light of that amazing moon shining on me. I like to do that, however, I tend to think of it the day after the full moon though... not tonight. Thomas is out camping, so, for me, it's the perfect night for it. I long to have my own home where I can sit out on the lawn, naked if I want, and just enjoy the full moon... or dance naked in the rain. It's all good though, right now, tonight is all I am going to focus on. That and I what I want... I have no idea what I want, other than my family safe and happy, a home of our own, a business that I am proud of, and love and happiness and a sense of inner peace... I have them all now, I just want to make it all much bigger. Give the girls an opportunity to go the college of their choice, and have my own bathroom..
Anyhow, it's almost time to go outside. It's going to be cold out, so I have to ensure that I am bundled up. Goodnight all, Peace
As the conversation progressed, she told me, you are a good writer, you should write a book. To which I replied that I am not a fiction kind of girl. I like to talk about things I know about, like life. I think truth is much stranger than fiction any day! Though it does take the fun out of the fantasy genre if we can't have werewolves or vampires or zombies or The world of Harry Potter, whom, we all love. I blew off the idea until last night, though, I am not too sure what I would write about. I love to read and watch movies and I think if it was ever made into a movie, which of course it would be, I would have to have Kevin Smith to direct, and add his touches too. The part of me would be played by someone really awesome, who could capture me, and after seeing her role in Percy Jackson and the Olympians The Lightning Thief, could be no other than Rosario Dawson. I love her work!!
Anyhow, total tangent there, but, my life specifically would have to be what I would write about. I mean, I write about it now, and I laugh at what things happen to me and things that happen to family and sometimes, what happens to other people. I have funny things that I observe about the items we find everyday. In fact, I have notebooks filled with my funny thoughts, I have been doing that since high school. I love to read fiction, it gives me the idea of a life that I can escape into. Like, A Wrinkle in Time or the ones that I am reading now, The Mystic Wolves Series, which I am loving them! I love being able to read the next one in the series as she writes it... Lucky me! But what really makes me think about things are the books that are non-fiction. I like to learn about people who were living in the slums or on the streets and then they are multi-millionaires. I love to learn about how they did it and it makes me realize that I can do that too. I am not too sure how it's going to happen, but, I know that it will. I can feel that I am on the verge of greatness, I am there really. It's happening right now, my ships come in, on a calm sea under grace, in perfect ways. I know it sounds crazy, but, it's true.
I was on Facebook a bit ago, and there was an article about beauty and it said that what our perception of beauty is, is based of what the media tell us it is. I was so mad because, here I am saying the exact same thing, though, slightly ever so less articulate than this man, but, I was amazed that I have the same ideas as other much more well known author. And I was kind of mad at my friend who posted it, not because I was mad at her, but, if she thought enough of it to agree with him, why didn't she agree and re post what I had to say. I think I would have to agree on the beauty thing, the first step to being beautiful, is to love ones self. I don't know if I could stand in front of the mirror naked and really look at myself, (mainly because our mirrors are up tall and I don't stand that tall) but, to really accept all the parts of me that I see as a flaw. But, why do I see it as a flaw. I think I will go back and forth on this one for a while, probably as long as I live.
I like me. I would go so far as to say that I love myself. It's taken me many years to get to a point where I can say that too. I used a lot of alcohol and drugs to escape myself for a long time, and now, I don't need to escape. I know what I don't like about me, but, it doesn't mean that I can't be alone, it just means that there is always room for improvement. I think it was from the Dali Lama who said, "You are perfect just the way you are. There is always room for improvement" I agree with him. I often ask Thomas about this. Is it knowing that I have things that I don't like and accept those parts of me, or is about changing what I don't like? I keep resolving to change the wobbly bits of me because I don't' like them, yet, I still haven't made an attempt to do anything about it. Does that mean that I accept it and just love it subconsciously? I can tell you that I do NOT love going to buy bigger clothes, yet, Thomas keeps telling me that I look good where I'm at. I think he's trying to get me really big. I can feel myself pushing maximum density here if I let him continue to feed me the way he does. But he loves to cook, and well, I love to eat.
Back to the book idea, I started to write a children's book last year. I have yet to finish it. I loved the idea of it though. In fact I started to work on two books last year. One was about my life in the military, what an adventure that was, and the other, was for Piper, so she could have a story that was written just for her, with elements of her dad and her Godfather in it... They were the ones who came up with the magical blue pony in the first place. I will have them done before my birthday next year, 2014. Whether or not they are published is another matter, but, I will get them done, and people will know who I am. I hope that they will find me as endearing as I found someone like, Bridget Jones... I so love her!
And for the record, I have to bitch for a moment. Not that I think it makes a difference or not, but, I have told Thomas about how much this really bothered me and I think it's just eating me up and makes me mad. So, I was working at the market one day, and a very nice couple came up and the gentleman said that "I love you and I hate you. I think every week that I should call you for a massage, and then I remember that you don't live in ___." And I was flattered by that, it really made my day, until, I heard, another person say they were so much better at it than me. I felt so invalidated and I was really upset by that. And do I say anything about it, no? I didn't. Instead, I just let it fester in me until now, when I am finally asking myself why do I continue to work with anyone who is like this. I have put some serious thought into will I work with them again... next year, I mean. I don't know. I love her, and I love working with her, but, it's little things like that, that make it really hard to do so. Who knows what the year will bring though... I could be living in Oregon by then :)
I had a friend come over for dinner tonight, it was so nice to have a girlfriend over again. We talked and laughed and had so much fun, I had forgotten what it was like to just have girl fun. She is home now, and Piper is in my bed tonight. I am waiting for the moon. Tonight, it's the Blood Moon, and I really wanted to do some meditating while the light of that amazing moon shining on me. I like to do that, however, I tend to think of it the day after the full moon though... not tonight. Thomas is out camping, so, for me, it's the perfect night for it. I long to have my own home where I can sit out on the lawn, naked if I want, and just enjoy the full moon... or dance naked in the rain. It's all good though, right now, tonight is all I am going to focus on. That and I what I want... I have no idea what I want, other than my family safe and happy, a home of our own, a business that I am proud of, and love and happiness and a sense of inner peace... I have them all now, I just want to make it all much bigger. Give the girls an opportunity to go the college of their choice, and have my own bathroom..
Anyhow, it's almost time to go outside. It's going to be cold out, so I have to ensure that I am bundled up. Goodnight all, Peace
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Dinner time fun
This evening, we are doing baked potatoes for dinner with some Pumpkin cake for dessert. Don't know about the cake, but, I am really looking forward to my potato. Thomas has gone to return some movies, Piper is taking a bath, life is good for me these days. There are things that I am working on within my self and though success has eluded me for some time, I am confident that I will make it and I will succeed. Of that, I have no doubt!
Tonight, I am feeling tired right now. Looking forward to my bath tonight and then some nice sleep. I may wash my hair first and then soak in the oil and let that moisturize my skin. I am loving this whole oil in the bath thing. Helps me to relax a bit, and for that, I can't go wrong. I love it!!
For my birthday this week, I have realized how very blessed I am for all the wonderful people that I have in my life. They have all made my whole week fantastic, and it's pretty awesome! It was a really great week, I couldn't have asked for more, it was that good! And not because of anything as far as the material world, but, I remembered how much I have as a person, and that was so rewarding for me. I love my family, all of them, and I love my friends, and it's really good to know that I have more people who care that I would had ever thought, so thank you all.
I should get off of here and do something constructive with my time, since we have been home, Thomas has cleaned the kitchen, washed the dishes, took out the trash, helped the neighbor and then took movies back... What a guy! I am so lucky to have him around... <3 p="">
I can smell dinner, it's going to be good... I love simple and easy meals that are super good... Now, for me to get clean and then, who knows what... good things of course!!!
Tonight, I am feeling tired right now. Looking forward to my bath tonight and then some nice sleep. I may wash my hair first and then soak in the oil and let that moisturize my skin. I am loving this whole oil in the bath thing. Helps me to relax a bit, and for that, I can't go wrong. I love it!!
For my birthday this week, I have realized how very blessed I am for all the wonderful people that I have in my life. They have all made my whole week fantastic, and it's pretty awesome! It was a really great week, I couldn't have asked for more, it was that good! And not because of anything as far as the material world, but, I remembered how much I have as a person, and that was so rewarding for me. I love my family, all of them, and I love my friends, and it's really good to know that I have more people who care that I would had ever thought, so thank you all.
I should get off of here and do something constructive with my time, since we have been home, Thomas has cleaned the kitchen, washed the dishes, took out the trash, helped the neighbor and then took movies back... What a guy! I am so lucky to have him around... <3 p="">
I can smell dinner, it's going to be good... I love simple and easy meals that are super good... Now, for me to get clean and then, who knows what... good things of course!!!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Birthdays
Every year for my birthday, I set a new goal for the year. I tend to not really accept January 1st as the start of the new year, for me, it's my birthday. Why not, it's how I measure my life in years, why not do it this way. Most years in the past, I have had really good days, with only a few bad ones. The year I turned 22 was a bad one, but was quickly made into a good one. 26 was a really hard year, but, I got through it and eventually, I was better... Then 30 came, and it was such a great year for so many reasons. And 30 came again, and again and again and again.. I am sticking with 30 from now on, but, for the record, I will be 34 tomorrow.
I don't think of myself as being old in any way. In fact, 34 isn't old in any way either, and in my head, I am more like 16... 20 on some days, but, mostly I feel like a kid. I have been at work and had someone tell me, "Julie, you're the professional here," and I almost laugh because it just sounds so strange to me. Me, a professional, how odd to hear it though.
When I was a young girl, I don't really remember having birthday parties with a lot of people, just remembering being surrounded by my family and they were kind with their gifts. I got a soccer ball one year and a toy building set, a joker one year, which I still have. I have many cards that come in the mail and all my friends on Facebook are kind enough to extend a birthday well wishes, and I like that. I used to hate being sung to for my birthday, and now, I love to hear it. For just one day a year, I get to have lots of attention all to myself. Not that I don't any other day of the year, but, you get the idea. It feels good to have those around you remember the day and do something nice for you.. And what kills me is I tend to forget the rest of the people that I know when it comes to their birthday. And then I feel like an ass for forgetting especially if they were kind enough to get me anything.
So this year, as my resolution, when one of my friends has a birthday, I will, at the very least, make sure to send them an electronic message of good will and happiness for that day and for the upcoming year. I am hoping to be able to send a card for all of my family.. Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, I will try... which means that a good address is going to have to be in order if you wish to get a card from me :)
I love getting presents. I know that I am a self absorbed, very selfish kind of girl and I know that it seems that at a certain point, I would give up on getting things and just realize that I have everything that matters to me... and I do realize that. I have so much to be grateful for and I am truly blessed to have all that I do. But, I still hope that I get something that I asked for every year. This year, is no exception either. I have this thing for backpacks. I remember being in high school, looking at Betsy's Jansport backpack that was blue with the leather bottom, wishing I had enough money to get one of those. I love bags for some strange reason, and I don't know why. Every year, before school starts, I so want to get a new bag!! For my birthday, I have asked for a very specific kind of back pack. It's a Jansport checkered multi coloured backpack. No twenty pockets, no place for a laptop, no place to put my music, just a bag with a front pocket and a big bag in the back. Nothing terribly fancy. I hate to say that while I ask for things like this, I don't expect to receive them. It's not anything big, it is what it is. I love the phone calls from all my sisters, and I love to go to my moms house and eat my favorite cake (this year however, we are trying something different due to angel food cake has wheat flour and it needs to be gluten free for Piper to eat it, so we are going with Better Than Sex Pumpkin Cake.... I honestly believe that there is cake that is better than sex, you're sleeping with the wrong person then, we shall see about it). I used to get to pick out my favorite meal for the event, and this year, I will be happy with whatever is made... though, I would love my moms red beef enchiladas with fresh green chilies and yellow onions.
Piper's birthday was last week, she turned 7. I was told today that I wasn't old enough to have a 7 year old... I agree. But, I love that kid so much. After a week of birthday presents and lots of fun, she is exhausted and ready for bed tonight. I like that too, that she's tired and wants to go to bed. Makes it so much easier for me in putting her to bed. I used to be so mad at the thought of having to share my birthday with her, but, since we have a week between them, it's all good now. She is like me in thinking that her birthday is all month long, starting from about the middle of September to the middle of November. What can I say, her dad used to spoil the shit out of me... all I had to do was bat my big blue eyes and him and just say please and he would do it... I have taught Piper the same thing, and when she tries to use it on me, it's not met the with the response that she hopes for... who do you think gave her those eyes? She is the light of our lives, and mine has become infinitely richer with her, which makes our birthday month that much more fun. And truth be told, her dad isn't the only one who spoils that child, Thomas is just as bad, if not worse because he's with her more often. She's the little devil on his shoulder going let's go get some ice cream. And replies, fuck yeah, let's get ice cream.. they are so bad! Today, he was helping her with learning to ride her skate board...
Anyhow, I love October and I love it because of the leaves falling off the trees and all the crisp mornings and how great it feels to know that autumn is here... And because of my birthday. Birthday's are awesome I think. I know this is the year, my ship is in, I am the lucky one... good things are happening to me all the time... I AM FEARLESS!! Night all, Peace
I don't think of myself as being old in any way. In fact, 34 isn't old in any way either, and in my head, I am more like 16... 20 on some days, but, mostly I feel like a kid. I have been at work and had someone tell me, "Julie, you're the professional here," and I almost laugh because it just sounds so strange to me. Me, a professional, how odd to hear it though.
When I was a young girl, I don't really remember having birthday parties with a lot of people, just remembering being surrounded by my family and they were kind with their gifts. I got a soccer ball one year and a toy building set, a joker one year, which I still have. I have many cards that come in the mail and all my friends on Facebook are kind enough to extend a birthday well wishes, and I like that. I used to hate being sung to for my birthday, and now, I love to hear it. For just one day a year, I get to have lots of attention all to myself. Not that I don't any other day of the year, but, you get the idea. It feels good to have those around you remember the day and do something nice for you.. And what kills me is I tend to forget the rest of the people that I know when it comes to their birthday. And then I feel like an ass for forgetting especially if they were kind enough to get me anything.
So this year, as my resolution, when one of my friends has a birthday, I will, at the very least, make sure to send them an electronic message of good will and happiness for that day and for the upcoming year. I am hoping to be able to send a card for all of my family.. Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, I will try... which means that a good address is going to have to be in order if you wish to get a card from me :)
I love getting presents. I know that I am a self absorbed, very selfish kind of girl and I know that it seems that at a certain point, I would give up on getting things and just realize that I have everything that matters to me... and I do realize that. I have so much to be grateful for and I am truly blessed to have all that I do. But, I still hope that I get something that I asked for every year. This year, is no exception either. I have this thing for backpacks. I remember being in high school, looking at Betsy's Jansport backpack that was blue with the leather bottom, wishing I had enough money to get one of those. I love bags for some strange reason, and I don't know why. Every year, before school starts, I so want to get a new bag!! For my birthday, I have asked for a very specific kind of back pack. It's a Jansport checkered multi coloured backpack. No twenty pockets, no place for a laptop, no place to put my music, just a bag with a front pocket and a big bag in the back. Nothing terribly fancy. I hate to say that while I ask for things like this, I don't expect to receive them. It's not anything big, it is what it is. I love the phone calls from all my sisters, and I love to go to my moms house and eat my favorite cake (this year however, we are trying something different due to angel food cake has wheat flour and it needs to be gluten free for Piper to eat it, so we are going with Better Than Sex Pumpkin Cake.... I honestly believe that there is cake that is better than sex, you're sleeping with the wrong person then, we shall see about it). I used to get to pick out my favorite meal for the event, and this year, I will be happy with whatever is made... though, I would love my moms red beef enchiladas with fresh green chilies and yellow onions.
Piper's birthday was last week, she turned 7. I was told today that I wasn't old enough to have a 7 year old... I agree. But, I love that kid so much. After a week of birthday presents and lots of fun, she is exhausted and ready for bed tonight. I like that too, that she's tired and wants to go to bed. Makes it so much easier for me in putting her to bed. I used to be so mad at the thought of having to share my birthday with her, but, since we have a week between them, it's all good now. She is like me in thinking that her birthday is all month long, starting from about the middle of September to the middle of November. What can I say, her dad used to spoil the shit out of me... all I had to do was bat my big blue eyes and him and just say please and he would do it... I have taught Piper the same thing, and when she tries to use it on me, it's not met the with the response that she hopes for... who do you think gave her those eyes? She is the light of our lives, and mine has become infinitely richer with her, which makes our birthday month that much more fun. And truth be told, her dad isn't the only one who spoils that child, Thomas is just as bad, if not worse because he's with her more often. She's the little devil on his shoulder going let's go get some ice cream. And replies, fuck yeah, let's get ice cream.. they are so bad! Today, he was helping her with learning to ride her skate board...
Anyhow, I love October and I love it because of the leaves falling off the trees and all the crisp mornings and how great it feels to know that autumn is here... And because of my birthday. Birthday's are awesome I think. I know this is the year, my ship is in, I am the lucky one... good things are happening to me all the time... I AM FEARLESS!! Night all, Peace
Sunday, October 6, 2013
My apartment issues
I live in an apartment, and for the most part it's not that bad. Aside from having to pay to do my laundry, which is a lot considering I have to do my own laundry for my massage business, and I am paying rent instead of being able to pay a mortgage, I am having some major problems with the management company, Bosley Management. Now, from some of the research that Thomas and I have done, this company is a really shady kind of company, and what's worse, is if they are caught doing things that are against the law, it's like they are told, well, you were caught, just don't do it again. They have many complaints against them in Wyoming, Utah and Arizona.
Recently, I have added to their ever-growing list of complaints. The following is the letter written to the USDA and the Office of the Inspector General, which is of course closed due to the government shut down, and makes me a bit nervous due to the things that have been going on.. I fear an eviction due to the crazy things happening and this whole thing is starting to give me an ulcer. Always seems if it isn't one thing, it's another... but, I have faith that good things are happening, and this too will resolve itself.
Recently, I have added to their ever-growing list of complaints. The following is the letter written to the USDA and the Office of the Inspector General, which is of course closed due to the government shut down, and makes me a bit nervous due to the things that have been going on.. I fear an eviction due to the crazy things happening and this whole thing is starting to give me an ulcer. Always seems if it isn't one thing, it's another... but, I have faith that good things are happening, and this too will resolve itself.
Dear Mr. Brown,
As per our conversation earlier this week, I would like
to inform you of some of the goings on at our apartment complex. At
this time we do want to make a
complaint about these conditions!
My name is Julia Wood; We live in the
Show Low Apartments in Show Low Arizona. Recently, there have been
some things happening here that are of great concern to me. For
the last three years, when we (my partner and I) have done our renewal forms, we
have had to jump through hoop after hoop to ensure that we are able to continue
living there. I understand that being a resident, we are expected
to comply with the federal regulations, however, we have had our paperwork
handed to us between 6pm and 8pm on a Thursday or a Friday, documents which must
be requested from DES or our Bank or employer, and told that we have to have
them back to the managers office by 11am the next morning or we will have to
find another place to live. We have had to go back over and sign a
lease for our apartment multiple time/multiple leases. This we are
told is due to the lease not being correct the first time. We have
had to provide documentation of my child support deposits, which I have no
problem with. However, when I provide the deposit statement from
my bank, I am told that anything that I have deposited is considered income,
when I have already provided them with my income statements. There
are times when I have to return things and if it was with a card, it’s put back
automatically on my card, and now, it’s to be considered income when it’s not
income at all i.e. double billing/counting.
This year, we are to be renewing our lease by the end of
August. We have not gotten any 90 or 60 day notice or a 30 day
notice of renewal. I am getting worried that if it doesn’t get
done, we will be out of a place to live very shortly, since it’s suppose to have
been getting done at the latest, next week.
Currently
we have gone through the following with Valerie about our renewal-notification
on 8.27.13 about upcoming renewal, notification from Valerie that she would drop
off docs for renewal, Docs delivered to myself on 9.3.13, with envelope stating
all docs should be signed (Blank) and falsely dated 9.1.13. Refusal by Valerie
for this year and 2012 renewal to allow my girlfriend, Julia Wood, to claim her
status as a operator of her own business under schedule C and claim deductions
for operating costs. Our income has gone down and yet we have been informed that
our rent is going up so we have requested a full copy of this years lease as
well as the last two years in complete form to have them for review. We have not
been provided with a complete set of lease documents since Valerie become our
manager. We have been required, under threat of eviction, that if we do not
falsely date documents the 1st of Sept. we would not be able to live here
anymore every year we have had to do a tenant recertification. The thought of being
required to commit fraud is unnerving to us!
Part of our lease says that if the police are called to
any residence for a disturbance or a guest of a resident, an eviction will
result. Our manager herself has had to call the police on her son,
Jeremy, who lives with her, which resulted in her son being physically removed
from the property, and they are both still living on the premises, which, is a
clear violation of all leases. Is this not discrimination?
Her son has had police reports filed by other residents, who have stated
he has been in their apartments when they are not home and stolen their pain
medication and has tried to solicit them for prescription medication for his
personal use and sale. A resident who filed the police department,
was chastised by Valerie and warned about filing further complaints or police
reports. He is an employee of the apartments in the maintenance
department and has a master key to all apartments. He has a felony
record with convictions for drug related problems. I have learned that
another tenant personally witnessed the solicitation of Stacy,
the complaining party, by Jeremy Reed, Managers son, for Rx drugs for sale to
another friend of his. The other resident witness is afraid to speak out because
of the threat of eviction.
The residents of Show Low apartments have been informed
that prior to any visitors to even spending one night as a guest, we must give
two weeks notice with their names, ages, and any other descriptions that they
are requesting at the time, and have them approved by Connie Bosley, owner of
the apartments. This prevents any spontaneous sleep over’s for any
of the small school age children in the complex, as well as any guest who may
not be able to get home safely due to weather or dinner party.
As of the beginning of this year, we were informed that
we are not allowed to smoke inside our apartments, which I have no objection
to. However, Bosley management provides no on site smoking area
for the tenants, which results in standing out in a dirt lot, just off the
apartment property or across West McNeil . As a resident of the
White Mountains , we are under strict fire code regulations for almost half of
the year. With no provided place for the residents to smoke, they
are in danger of being ticketed for this kind of severe violation.
And that, in essence would result in them being evicted due to the
classification of police response being called a disturbance.
I believe the reason that we have not been given our
renewal forms is because of some of the other problems that are going on at our
apartments in general. Recently, we did our annual
inspection. Our apartment passed with only minor things that
needed to be fixed, repairs to the apartment, some drywall in the bathroom and
cracks in the ceilings need to be repaired. Our neighbors however,
have been telling us that they have not passed their inspections because their
couch is in front of the living room windows and that’s a fire code
violation. We have our couch in front of the living room windows
and we never had anything said about it to us. I have checked with
the Fire Marshall with the Show Low Fire Department, Brian Russell.
He said that it’s not a violation of fire code to have the couches there,
because the windows in the living room are not considered to be fire
exits. Brian informed my boyfriend that the postings
on the entrance doors were far out of date using UBC coeds rather than the
current IBC codes. Fire extinguishers are far too small and carbon
monoxide detectors have not been installed at the proper height.
He further informed him that the corridors are required to have fire
doors at the entry of each apartment to provide a 20 minute fire
corridor. Currently all entrance doors to apartments are wood, not
the required fire doors. Mr. Russell also stated that he was not
able to say whether or not the outer doors, leading into the building, although
metal doors, were fire doors. Mr. Russell went on to inform my
boyfriend that it is a violation of the law for the management to act as a Fire
Marshall. Our neighbors are outraged that we had nothing said to
us about our couches, yet, some have been told that they will be evicted if they
don’t comply with the manager’s fire codes, so they have thrown away more than
half of all their living room furniture and arranged furniture as “recommended”
by Valerie.
When myself and my partner/boyfriend moved into this
apartment, D1, from an upstairs apartment, D3, my boyfriend was required to pay
to have his electric and gas transferred to the new residence, D1.
He was then informed by the former manager, Christie, which the
owner, Connie Bosley will require him to also pay to have the electricity and
gas transferred back into Bosley Managements name for his old residence, D3.
He requested that the former manager confirm this with the owner
Connie Bosley while in the office at our facility. With the phone
on speaker during the conversation, my boyfriend heard Connie Bosley identify
herself and inform the former manager that “Mr. Lucero can pay the $35 or find
some other damn place to live”. Needless to say we, as a family of 4 paid to
have the utilities turned on/transferred back into Bosley management’s name for
apartment D3 .
Our neighbors come to my boyfriend with
questions of what to do. He told them that they need to file
complaints with the Rural Development office, USDA, your office. He has also
directed them to legal aide in Show Low. I am aware from another
tenant that our apartment manager knows that he is the one giving them this
information and she may looking to evict us for it.
Bosley Management wishes to renovate the apartments,
starting with the bottom ones, with new carpet and flooring. We
live on the ground floor in our building, apartment
D1.
Repairs are not consistently made as in our case of
our units heater last September. On 11.13.12 I wrote out on plain paper, due to
the lack of maintenance request forms in the laundry room, a request to have the
following repairs made. 1. Leak under L/side of sink 2. Heater blows cold air,
eg set temp for 75, went to bed with current temp of 72, awoke with heater
blowing cold air and temp of 68. Blower would stay on heater would not come
on.
I spoke with the maintenance man, Rodney, to
inquire about the heater repair on 11.28.12 and was informed that Valerie would
not OK the $65 charge for a HVAC repair man to come out and fix the
problem.
On 11.30.12 I filed another request for repairs
stating that I had needed to heat the apartment with our electric oven due to
the lack of a working heater in our unit. Valerie confronted me about the
request and stated that I should have informed her that I was heating the
apartment with the heater rather than file a maintenance request which will need
to be filed at the head office. A HVAC repair man was sent out 1-3 days later
for the repair. The sink repairs were made over a period of 1-2 weeks and with a
faucet that is made of plastic and currently has begun to leak frequently when
in use due to its plastic construction. We have several maintenance issues in
our apartment which have been brought to managements attention upon yearly move
in & inspections yet fail to be remedied. Severe cracking of support walls
and around doors, drywall in the bathroom, gap at base of tub, settling of tub
unevenly, building inspector not sure if tub on sub floor or joists, multiple
electric outlets which do not work properly, carpeting which sheds and creases,
shelf bars in fridge which have been broken since move-in and have not been
replaced. We are very reluctant to file requests for these repairs as they have
already been documented by management and Valerie does not look kindly upon what
she calls "unnecessary requests" as she is already aware of the problem. Her
temper and demeanor becomes extremely verbally abusive when she is pressed by
tenants to perform her duties as per regulations or law.
We do wish to bring it to
your attention that there are some serious problems going on here and to my
knowledge the other Bosley Management property in Show Low, behind Wal-Mart as
well as other properties in Arizona, Colorado and Wyoming. Many of the
residents here are elderly and or handicapped/disabled and are afraid to file
complaints with your office due to the lack of protection they feel is needed to
prevent reprisals by the management in the form of evictions. Many
of the notices provided to residents are worded in very nasty language, some
posted on the laundry room door. The manager, Valerie and her boss
Connie use their authority and the threat of eviction accompanied with the loss
of further USDA assistance to bully or harass the tenants. Valerie has
previously been at the Show Low facility, several years ago, and many residents
were evicted after filing complaints with your office. Those who
remember her are extremely afraid of her tactics and the idea of eviction for no
good or valid reason.
Is there any way to request an investigation into the
conduct of Bosley management during the time that Valerie has been here at the
Show Low facility, both this time and the previous? Does the USDA
have any guidelines for harassment or bully tactics when used by landlords?
I simply am in need of any assistance you may be able to provide
to end these tactics by management and their behavior towards the
residents.
Funny thing, now that I have provided all the required items for my tenant re-certification, I have been told that I will still have to overpay my rent for this month, October, and that they will not re-do the re-certification for the last year, when I overpaid by almost $3000 for the year. Not only that, I am not allowed to turn anything sort of paperwork into the office unless the manager is there, including the rent, (her office hours are Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 9 am to 12 pm... and she was out of the office sick for the majority of last month) so, now I am looking at a 10 day eviction notice come Tuesday when she's in the office again... I don't understand much here, but I know when things are not as they should be. Too many times I have lost sleep over this whole thing of the rent, and too many nights I have wondered what will happen if they don't accept my paperwork for our recertification. No longer will I be a victim, I am the only one who can save me.... That, and a good lawyer... Anyone know a good lawyer? Night all... Peace <3 :="" div="" nbsp="">
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Being a teen in the digital age
In the past, I have mentioned, more than once, how I wish I could go back to life in the 1980's. After reading Rolling Stones today, I am going to really stand by that thought.
Not that Rolling Stones is a bad magazine, it's not, I love the political stuff that they put out there. The article that I read was on teens in the age of sexting and social media. The repercussions of this are becoming more commonplace and that's sad when teens think that the only option is death. I was crying reading this article, wishing there was a way that we can change what's going on, and I don't know how to.
I asked Kim what she thought, and we agree it has a lot to do with respect, but, not just a respect for others, you need to respect yourself too. How do I teach this my girls? How do show them that wearing clothes where my ass is hanging out of the bottom of my shorts is often seen as advertising and there are some who would argue that if you dress that way, you are just asking to be violated. How do I teach my girls to like and love themselves and know that one doesn't have to try so hard for attention. I don't know how to do that. It scares me that Piper will come into her teens and there will be this world of the Internet that her dad and Thomas and I and her aunts and uncles will never truly understand what it is to grow up with it. It was the late 90's when I got my first email account, so to have one in first grade seems a bit much to me.
I know that times changes and so must I in order to be able to give her all that she needs while growing up. I am saddened by the girls who think that in order for a boy to like them, they will have to do things that completely compromises their integrity and they have no idea what kind of actions and reactions this will cause. I read in this article that boys are texting girls to send them pictures of their boobs with or without the bra and they do because they think that if they don't', this boy isn't going to like them. Fuck these boys! What the hell??!!! I know that boys will be boys and that they like boobs and just want to see them, I get that, but, it's getting to a point that if a girl doesn't, then, she's then publicly shamed for it and bullied even more. Holy hell, what's going on here? I hate to put this all on the boys of our society, but, it seems to me, that they are playing a bigger part in this then they realize. It makes me sad and sick to think that as a male, if I was a star football player, I could sexually assault a girl, take pictures of it, and when she hits me for doing it, she gets into trouble, not me. Our schools are protecting dude and once again, looking at the female and saying, well, what did you do to deserve this? WHAT??? In which scenario does a person, male or female, DESERVE to be assaulted, and then humiliated? I am curious, because, it seems to be a reoccurring theme through out our modern society.
As a woman, I had to get through my teens to get to where I am now. And the teen years where sketchy at best, but in no way did I ever do anything thinking it would make me more desirable to the opposite sex, like take nude pictures of myself and give them to anyone. When I was in my twenties, we didn't have a lot of cell phones and there was no Facebook, Instagram, or any other type of social media and I did a lot of stupid shit that would have been humiliating if it ever got out. I know what it's like to be so drunk that you let someone do things, like write all over you, because you want them to like you. I remember having my little sister scrub writing off of me, and I never asked what it said, I was pretty mortified by the whole thing. I can't imagine the utmost horror of having that shit sent to anyone I went to school with.
I think kids think that because they are close to being adults, that they can act like adults and they forget, they can't do that. Sending pictures of girls who are under 18 to anyone, is still child pornography and that's against the law. What breaks my heart is knowing that it's not just the females who are being bullied over the Internet and social media. I think it's horrible that you are no longer allowed to be a bully face to face, at least you could stand up for yourself at that point, and have a good old fashioned romp to get it out. Now, you can't bully in person because, you will get into trouble and could be expelled... so they turn to a way that can hurt far more, because so many more people can tap into it. And if you do stand up for yourself against a bully, you are expelled for fighting. Our kids don't seem to have a chance if we don't start doing something different.
What can we do though? Get a boxing ring in the school and let them beat each other up with gloves and ref? I don't' know, maybe. I still think we need to stop looking at the other people in our lives and see the value and worth that we have and that we have to offer the world. Stop comparing yourself to the girl who is a size 0 and be proud of who you are. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it... and change isn't about taking a pill to make it alright, it's about hard work and determination and some times, it requires a little sacrifice... (not like sacrificing chickens or anything, but, giving up something that you really like, i.e. potato chip, dollar tacos on Thursdays, wheat, spending all my time with friends so I can workout, this is a type of sacrifice that we need). I am not saying that everyone should or should not look a certain way, but, if you don't like what you see, stop wishing for it change, and just do something about it. No two people are the same, why would you want to look like everyone else?
Too many things in this modern age don't make sense to me. Why does everyone on Facebook need to know what I ate for dinner tonight (rolled tacos with guacamole and cheese)? What difference does it make what some dude thinks of me? The friends I have now, I have them because they add to me, not subtract. I surround myself with people who love me for me, not because I am skinny, white, wear a certain kind of clothes to work, drive my awesome Chevy Cavalier, or anything else that really doesn't matter... it's about who I am inside, the person who is flawed, but, accepts those flaws. Why don't we teach our kids that you are not your friends, and you are uniquely you... Love and embrace that! There is nothing better than to be truly love and accepted by those around us, but, in all honesty, the best feeling I have, is knowing that, I love myself, I love the woman that I have become and I am going to continue to make strides to be the best me that I can be. I am not perfect, I am perfectly flawed, and yet, it's totally OK. I don't get lonely when I am alone, and I can be alone with my thoughts without the desperate need for the company of others or any other medium that could distract me from hearing my thoughts. To be alone in the woods, or sitting next to the ocean, is the closest to perfect I have ever come. I have this imagine of myself in my head, and my goal is to match the outside to what I see on the inside... oh to have curly hair :)
Anyhow, I will meditate on this, and see what I can come up with. I want my girls to know that they don't have to hate themselves their whole lives. It's a constant thing, to love myself unconditionally with out feeling guilty because I didn't do something or I did something that I shouldn't have. Don't obsess over the past, it's over, I can't change it, all I can do is keep looking up, there is amazing things that are happening all the time... night all .... Peace
Not that Rolling Stones is a bad magazine, it's not, I love the political stuff that they put out there. The article that I read was on teens in the age of sexting and social media. The repercussions of this are becoming more commonplace and that's sad when teens think that the only option is death. I was crying reading this article, wishing there was a way that we can change what's going on, and I don't know how to.
I asked Kim what she thought, and we agree it has a lot to do with respect, but, not just a respect for others, you need to respect yourself too. How do I teach this my girls? How do show them that wearing clothes where my ass is hanging out of the bottom of my shorts is often seen as advertising and there are some who would argue that if you dress that way, you are just asking to be violated. How do I teach my girls to like and love themselves and know that one doesn't have to try so hard for attention. I don't know how to do that. It scares me that Piper will come into her teens and there will be this world of the Internet that her dad and Thomas and I and her aunts and uncles will never truly understand what it is to grow up with it. It was the late 90's when I got my first email account, so to have one in first grade seems a bit much to me.
I know that times changes and so must I in order to be able to give her all that she needs while growing up. I am saddened by the girls who think that in order for a boy to like them, they will have to do things that completely compromises their integrity and they have no idea what kind of actions and reactions this will cause. I read in this article that boys are texting girls to send them pictures of their boobs with or without the bra and they do because they think that if they don't', this boy isn't going to like them. Fuck these boys! What the hell??!!! I know that boys will be boys and that they like boobs and just want to see them, I get that, but, it's getting to a point that if a girl doesn't, then, she's then publicly shamed for it and bullied even more. Holy hell, what's going on here? I hate to put this all on the boys of our society, but, it seems to me, that they are playing a bigger part in this then they realize. It makes me sad and sick to think that as a male, if I was a star football player, I could sexually assault a girl, take pictures of it, and when she hits me for doing it, she gets into trouble, not me. Our schools are protecting dude and once again, looking at the female and saying, well, what did you do to deserve this? WHAT??? In which scenario does a person, male or female, DESERVE to be assaulted, and then humiliated? I am curious, because, it seems to be a reoccurring theme through out our modern society.
As a woman, I had to get through my teens to get to where I am now. And the teen years where sketchy at best, but in no way did I ever do anything thinking it would make me more desirable to the opposite sex, like take nude pictures of myself and give them to anyone. When I was in my twenties, we didn't have a lot of cell phones and there was no Facebook, Instagram, or any other type of social media and I did a lot of stupid shit that would have been humiliating if it ever got out. I know what it's like to be so drunk that you let someone do things, like write all over you, because you want them to like you. I remember having my little sister scrub writing off of me, and I never asked what it said, I was pretty mortified by the whole thing. I can't imagine the utmost horror of having that shit sent to anyone I went to school with.
I think kids think that because they are close to being adults, that they can act like adults and they forget, they can't do that. Sending pictures of girls who are under 18 to anyone, is still child pornography and that's against the law. What breaks my heart is knowing that it's not just the females who are being bullied over the Internet and social media. I think it's horrible that you are no longer allowed to be a bully face to face, at least you could stand up for yourself at that point, and have a good old fashioned romp to get it out. Now, you can't bully in person because, you will get into trouble and could be expelled... so they turn to a way that can hurt far more, because so many more people can tap into it. And if you do stand up for yourself against a bully, you are expelled for fighting. Our kids don't seem to have a chance if we don't start doing something different.
What can we do though? Get a boxing ring in the school and let them beat each other up with gloves and ref? I don't' know, maybe. I still think we need to stop looking at the other people in our lives and see the value and worth that we have and that we have to offer the world. Stop comparing yourself to the girl who is a size 0 and be proud of who you are. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it... and change isn't about taking a pill to make it alright, it's about hard work and determination and some times, it requires a little sacrifice... (not like sacrificing chickens or anything, but, giving up something that you really like, i.e. potato chip, dollar tacos on Thursdays, wheat, spending all my time with friends so I can workout, this is a type of sacrifice that we need). I am not saying that everyone should or should not look a certain way, but, if you don't like what you see, stop wishing for it change, and just do something about it. No two people are the same, why would you want to look like everyone else?
Too many things in this modern age don't make sense to me. Why does everyone on Facebook need to know what I ate for dinner tonight (rolled tacos with guacamole and cheese)? What difference does it make what some dude thinks of me? The friends I have now, I have them because they add to me, not subtract. I surround myself with people who love me for me, not because I am skinny, white, wear a certain kind of clothes to work, drive my awesome Chevy Cavalier, or anything else that really doesn't matter... it's about who I am inside, the person who is flawed, but, accepts those flaws. Why don't we teach our kids that you are not your friends, and you are uniquely you... Love and embrace that! There is nothing better than to be truly love and accepted by those around us, but, in all honesty, the best feeling I have, is knowing that, I love myself, I love the woman that I have become and I am going to continue to make strides to be the best me that I can be. I am not perfect, I am perfectly flawed, and yet, it's totally OK. I don't get lonely when I am alone, and I can be alone with my thoughts without the desperate need for the company of others or any other medium that could distract me from hearing my thoughts. To be alone in the woods, or sitting next to the ocean, is the closest to perfect I have ever come. I have this imagine of myself in my head, and my goal is to match the outside to what I see on the inside... oh to have curly hair :)
Anyhow, I will meditate on this, and see what I can come up with. I want my girls to know that they don't have to hate themselves their whole lives. It's a constant thing, to love myself unconditionally with out feeling guilty because I didn't do something or I did something that I shouldn't have. Don't obsess over the past, it's over, I can't change it, all I can do is keep looking up, there is amazing things that are happening all the time... night all .... Peace
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