I am somewhat of a strange one. I don't mind filing my taxes every year. I don't have any assets or property or anything of immense value to the government. I am self employed and yet, I look forward to getting that refund every year. In fact, I am usually most excited to find out that I don't owe the government any money.
But what to do with that chunk of change? Every year, I wish for the same thing. To take a vacation to the beach and relax. Not have to do anything, not really go see sights of anything like that, but, to just not have a care in the world for a few days. It still hasn't happened. I often wonder if it ever will. There are things that must get done, like, I have to get my contacts for the next year. And this year, I have to renew my license and get my continuing education credits to do so. I have things every year that must get done, like, our AAA membership and my massage insurance. So those are the have to's, but, what about the rest of it?
For us, it's about savings as much as we can. There are things that I would love to do, but, it's just not going to happen right now. And I know that we are working towards a goal. And I know that we will get there, but, it feels like it's light years away. I could use a break from that. Thomas could use a break from that. I'm sure Piper could use a break from it as well. I dream a lot. I always dream of not having to worry about money. And while, I know that things are always working out for us, there are moments that I can't shake that feeling of I want so much more. With all of our hopes and dreams and ideas and wants, I feel like it's all so very possible. But how? I don't pretend to know everything and I don't wish upon stars anymore, but, I could use some hope every once in a while.
I have hope that one day, before I turned another year older, I will have my bestseller out and people will read it and love it and buy it for their friends and family. I know it sounds optimistic but, I know that it's going to be big... I just have to get the lead out and get it done. Yet, I lack the drive and desire to do so. I have no inspiration, and no idea when it will come again. I hate that feeling.
I see on the internet all the time that there was a person who just started to do a blog or a video channel or write a book and they have instant fame and fortune. I look at them with envy. I admit it. I want that too. But, I feel like when I try the same things, it's a dead end. I write for myself because I'm pretty well convinced that that's the only one who reads it. I plan on doing a video series, the next one to come this week and I know, and this kills me, unless I advertise it on Facebook, none of my friends watch them. Thomas never reads what I say, he never watches my videos and honestly, his opinion is the only one that matters to me. As long as he's got my back, I know I can do anything.
I feel like this is a pity party for myself. So, with that, I will finish today's writing, and ponder what to do with extra money... maybe, I will buy a lottery ticket and win the jackpot. What would I worry about then, if I didn't have to think about money? I don't know, but, I would love the opportunity to find out. Happy Thursday all... Tomorrow is Friday, a new day, a new chance at greatness, a new breath of life...
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