To continue with my six part series looking at life growing up here, in Pinetop, and how it was for me, today, we will look at the second part of Jr. high, 8th grade.
As I covered before, the summer before, I went to church camp, which was a huge let down for me. I had a pretty much horrible time, and probably could have had a better time sitting at home with my little sister. And, interestingly enough, in 8th grade, Lexi was now in 7th grade. She was cooler than I was. However, I didn't feel like such a total loss at this point. Sister and I still fought all the time, and it was never over anything that should really warrant a fight. It was such a constant thing for us. Anyhow, I had high hopes for 8th grade.
There was a lot more going for us this year. For starters, our school periods went from 7 a day to 4 a day, and that was awesome! School started at 7:35, we were out of there by 2:30 everyday. It was cool. I, of course, took band all year long. We got to walk to the high school for band, which was after lunch. I still think that having band right after eating lunch, is just not the best idea.
My best friend became, for the entire year, Alicia Clark. We were always together and it was nice to feel like I had a friend that was an actual friend. She thought enough of me to want to hang out with me everyday. I was pretty cool then :) (Obviously, at this point in life, I had some serious issues with self esteem, that while it took a long time to get through it all, I have since found that I love myself, and I am worth it.) I can still pick up Fritos and cottage cheese and have myself my own little party and think of her. Thomas says that sounds pregnant, but, it's not.. it's good.
At the beginning of the year, I was sure that I was going to start going out with this guy, Josh. I am not sure why I thought this, it just almost seemed that it was suppose to happen then. I was somehow convinced of it. And then, there was a new girl at school who was athletic and long blonde hair and was just so it. Rachel and I did NOT like each other. It was almost a competition with her with everything, and I was losing badly. Once again, I had P.E. first hour and was lucky enough to have Rachel in that class. Luckily, I had a few other girls that were my friends in that class so I didn't feel bad. I can honestly say that while she bested me at damn near every sport we did, there was one that I did, that she couldn't beat me at.
So there we are in class, out on the football field doing our track and field studies. There was high jump, long jump, long distance running and sprinting. I was not that great at most all of these, expect for one. Sprinting, which, if you looked at me, it didn't seem to make too much sense how I was able to move that fast. There was two runners to go at a time, and I, in my cute little moccasins shoes, decided to run against Jenny. She was tall and had much longer legs than what I did, so, I just thought, I was glad that she asked me to run with her. So, we run, and much to my surprise, I was very far ahead of her. In fact, so much so, that my teacher just dropped her jaw. So, then, she told me that I had to run with Rachel... oh man!!! My least favorite person, and now I have to be tortured and run with her. It didn't really occur to me what was going on at this point. So, I walk back down to the starting line, and boy, I can feel the anger just seeping out of both of us. It was like mortal enemies facing each other in combat. She had gotten me so many times, and this was the last thing that I had that I could do. Start! We run, and from all accounts from the girls in my class, I was leading, by a great deal and she stops, sits down on the track and grabs her knee. So, I stop, and start to run around, and am yelled at to finish the race. I finished... and that day, I ran a 12.47 100 yard dash. I set a record for the school :)
Needless to say, I ran track starting this year in school. I have to say, that was the most triumphant moment of that year that I can remember (even in talking with Lexi now, she completely agrees with me on that one). I did well in school and went to church and once again, annoyed Derek to death, as well as everyone else I was around, but, when it came to band or track, it was a time for me to really shine and feel good about myself. I did honor band that year too. And to try out, we had to practice a fast paced piece and play it for an audition. I never practiced it, and still made it. I was just good at few things and those were the two things that made my life worth it for that year.
During track season, Rachel and I had gotten over what ever it was that we hated about each other and became running partners for the season. We ran the same races so it was natural that we would run a lot together. We actually ran the 4 X 200, she was the anchor, and I was the lead. At one point in practice, I remember one of the guys I know, David Valentine (who was in my 5th grade class and interestingly enough, he became a figure in school even after high school... He was an awesome guy) helping me out, and I was suppose to be practicing taking off. So, like a stubborn shit that I am, I said, I don't need the blocks to start, I can do fine without them. And my track coach, Mr. Murrdock said OK, and let me start without the blocks. Ready, set... Go! Step step step, fall on my face, rolling on the track laughing so hard because of the irony of what he was telling me would happen if I didn't use the blocks. David and I just laughed and laughed at it. It was so funny, what a stubborn shit I was being. OK, fine, I will try the blocks... after I stop laughing. It was in that moment, I was voted Most Inspirational Player that year. I was honored by it. I still have that medal too. I was so proud of myself!!! Even my parents were proud of me that year, it was such an awesome feeling! And it's funny, I can remember the night of the awards, after being given this award, I thought someone else had deserved it and I remember crying over this, but, the details really escape me right now... guess it wasn't that big of deal at that point.
I still had a crush on Derek, and Mike, and Josh, and another Josh, and by this time, we were all going to the same church, and I had a serious issues with letting my emotions get the best of me. It was going to be a really fun year coming up and I was really looking forward to going to camp again this year, but, hopefully, it would be better this time. Sister was going this time, and I wish I could remember if this was the year that we went to NAU or not, but, I was sure it was going to be better this time (after consulting with her, it wasn't until the next year, after my freshman year, that we went to NAU for camp, thank you sister :).
Once again, for camp, I found that I still had a really hard time with being a socially acceptable normal person, in fact, I'm still not really, but, I make do now. I wanted to be liked so badly, and I could never really understand what I was doing wrong. It's funny how I try to think of the order of things, and for the life of me, I can't remember what year went with what year at camp. I think that in my second year of camp, we were in these really nice rooms, but, then again, it could have been two years later... I don't really remember... I think that as the years went by, I realized that the guys that I had a crush on were never going to like me, which just put me into this weird obsessive phase where I would try to hard to hold onto anything with them. It didn't work so well for me with that one. I think, this was the year that we were in these really nice rooms and they formed a courtyard where all the windows faced into each other. I spent a lot of time alone... I listened to Tori Amos and The Doors and I longed for a friend, and a boyfriend, I wanted to find out why everyone else seemed to have one where the guys I knew just saw me as a friend, not girlfriend material. I remember that I gave my room key to Mike, he said that he just needed to get out of his room every once in a while, and we were friends. He told me one day, I went to your room today, you were sleeping... so I just stayed there and watched you sleep. ??????? That never made sense to me, but, hey, he was the guy I adored and wanted peace and came to watch me sleep for some, who was I to argue with that.
We came home from camp and life was, as it usually is with Lexi and I normal, fighting with each other. On each other's nerves but, loving it at the same time. Little did I know that sister, was to be the best friend I would ever have in school, and for that, I am so grateful. She still thinks I am bit batty, but, whatever, I have fun. In fact, I call Piper Lexi so often, that I sometimes think I should have named her Lexi too. ...... Too bad I won't have anymore kids now that I think about it. Anyhow, life moved on, and soon, I was to be a freshman. I had marching band to look forward to as well as just being a freshman. I think the only other class that I enjoyed would be wood shop, but, that's getting a little a head of myself now :)
I really wanted to go to high school and be a good student. I was sure that, with it being more people there in the school, there would be a guy who would see me and think I was girlfriend material, not just a friend. I wanted to be the 4.0 student that Crystal was and I wanted to have fun and enjoy it as much as possible. I wanted to be good in sports like sister was and try many different things. There were some changes in store for me because, when I went from one school to the next, I seemed to have changed a little bit too. I wanted that change to be for the better, but, that didn't come for many, many years after I was already gone from school. Truthfully, I was a very lonely girl, who hung out with other girls who walked all over me and treated me like shit. I am glad that I can see it for it what it was now, but, I can only imagine what life would have been like if I had known this then, and done things differently. I don't waste my time thinking about most of school. I have forgotten the majority of it for many of these reasons. I have highlights that I can remember, but, for the most part, it wasn't a great time. I know so many people who look back and think that high school was so great, I am not one of them. My freshman year was the highlight of school, while the summer after graduation was the most fun I had ever had... but those stories are to come in a little while....
OK, my clothes are really needing to be put away now, they have been there a few too many days :) Night :)
PS, While my writing seems very scattered at times, and somewhat hard to follow, that's really how I think, and how I tend to talk. These are the memories that I have chosen to share with you. Some people have had their last names left out, and others, they were good to me and I wanted to give them a shout out for their kindness and what they meant to me. In some cases, where names aren't mentioned, to me, it's not about the person that did or did not do something, it's about the memory itself. I don't want to put out for the world to read something really shitty that they did, they already know it was them, I don't have to put names to it. For my friends, if you read this and see that your name is in there, and you wish to have it removed, just let me know, I will be happy to do so... However, if you read this and see that you're mentioned with no name, now you know why... have a good day...
No comments:
Post a Comment