The Lure of the Internet

I have had a lot of time off this week, two days because I was home sick, one because I had the day off and I have had the computer here with me the whole time as well.  I have yet to really understand the lure of the Internet.  I mean, don't get me wrong, you can find anything you want, but, I find myself getting super bored just hanging out online.  What do I do?  I check facebook for funny pictures of cats and what everyone is eating... I don't get that part.  I check my email to see if there is anything new and exciting being sent to me... Usually it's just Publisher's Clearing House that I get mail from.  And then I check my work schedule to find out what time I will be leaving so I can go have a lunch date with my friends.  After that, I have no real desire to look at anything.

Sure it's cool that I can check out new dresses and shoes and old cars and trucks and whatever else anyone is selling, but, I think it's getting to a point where, for me, it's not that much fun anymore.  I like to watch videos once in a while, but, I seem to use the computer for music, and writing and things like that.  Not really surf the Internet. 

So what is about the Internet that is so great?  We have all this information at the touch of a button, but we don't seem to know anymore than we did 20 years ago.  I admit, I do like to look up random facts to throw people off with, but, unless there is a need for me look for anything, I don't use it for that.  I know that I am wasting the use of such an amazing thing that we have now, but, I don't know that I really care. 

I have this awesome feature on my overview page of my blog here and I check it everyday to see if anyone else has read what I have to say.  I have to admit, I keep hoping to see someone from another country to read this and be like, wow, what a funny girl, but, that hasn't happened yet.  I get to the point where I will post something and think that I'm super glad that I do have four people who read what my thoughts are, but, somewhere in me, I keep thinking that by the end of the year, it's going to be a world-wide super awesome great thing and HBO will want to do a TV series of my life and the strange but funny things that go one in it.  I have that little visualisation thing that I go through and that's one of the things I like to see happening.  I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for it just yet though. 

Not only that, I was online, OK, so I was looking at the website for a festival that I work, and it seemed to occur to me that I just don't feel like I have a part in it.  I mean, I work it, I have a great time doing it, but when the photos on the website show the same three people in about 50 different shots, it's gets a little discouraging.  I want to feel like what I do makes a difference to people, maybe that's why I'm a Massage Therapist, but, I also kind of want be recognized for doing it too.  I'm sure I've put this out there before but, I have the other fantasy that I somehow get to move back to California and I start to do massages for the stars and they all love me and pay me to come out to where they are for my awesome abilities... Be it in L.A or another state or whatever.  I just want to be that good and sought after for it.  Not in a bad way either, I'm not into happy endings like that... I like to give people a nice bottle of water after their massage, and that's it. 

I keep thinking, especially the last couple of weeks, I have the power in me to be great! I know I am destined for greatness and for great wealth, I just haven't figured it out how I'm going to get there yet.  I told my mom recently, about 3 weeks ago, that if I could be a public speaker, I would so do that for a living.  I love to talk to people, in large groups or small groups or whatever, it makes no difference to me the size of the group, but, I love doing that kind of talking.  For what I know now, I can talk about the importance of the 9000 lube oil series and how large engines use jacket water to cool engines.  I can talk about the importance of loving yourself before you can learn to love others, I can talk about how great massages are for you.  I know it's there... I asked for it, I just have to trust that it's going to come to me.  And I do.  I can feel it there, just under the surface, growing slowly until one day, it comes up and there it is.  And I know that day is soon, it just hasn't happened just yet.  The universe is still aligning everything that it needs to before I can come to that. 

I think that I may take some of my own advice soon.  Mostly what I say about meditating regularly.  I have read last night, in an email, the importance of the chant OM.  And in doing it this morning, I was able to focus and think some more, so I think that I will have to fashion a place in the house that I can sit and meditate and practice chanting OM.  It was a great email, makes me want to learn more about Hindu's.  If I still worked at Lowe's I could use my new religion to say that I have to have a nose hoop in and wear Bindi (are you staring at my dot?). 

As for the Internet, I'm not going to stop using it or using it to obsess whether or not anyone reads what I have put out there.  I'm not going to stop shopping online for roller skates and great pictures to put on my vision boards.  I'm not going to break up with facebook, which I should because I find the only ones who give a shit, are the ones that I like to call anyway, I keep holding onto some strange hope that one of my Navy friends will actually care what's going on in my life now... I don't think they really do anymore, I'm not sure if they ever did to begin with... Mostly I want to tell the whole lot of them to fuck off... I'm still going to look up things that make no difference to me, like which dresses are on sale at Victoria's Secret.  I just think that maybe, I need a break from the whole world of online life... Maybe not though... who knows.....