The truth

Recently I have discovered a truth about myself that I completely hate!  I have known about this for some time, and I have yet to decide how to fix this. 

I am a coward.  I am the biggest piece of chicken shit that I know of.  I want so badly to change this, and yet, I have not figured out how to do it. 

I am not sure how this ever happened or why this is, but, for whatever the reason, I have become the epitome of what I despise.  I could easily blame it on someone or something that happened when I was a child, but, I can't pin point it.  I just know that I am not who I want to be, nor am I who I make out to be. 

I have tried to sit by and watch things unfold and not get any bandwagon of who is right or wrong and were those actions justified, but I don't think I will stay silent much longer.  I have a very hard time standing up for myself or my family.  I allow others to run me over and push their ideas and thoughts on me and take them as my own.  I have much soul searching to do.  I can't be this person anymore.  If your used to me being the polite girl who doesn't ever want to get involved in an argument, then you may be surprised when I tell you that I am more than willing to take on that fight.  Part of the reason why I don't get involved is because I don't know all the facts.  And to me, there is nothing more irritating than someone who is just spouting shit off with out finding out facts.  I will use what I know and I will use my educated opinion about things.  If this is something that you can't handle, well, perhaps we will part ways as friends.  It's not going to hurt my feelings, but I am tired of letting others control how I feel. 

I was recently told this about myself and then asked what I don't like about me... I think that is a good question, but, this is what I hate about me.  I hate feeling like I have to bend to the ways of others.  I am tired of letting anyone else take that from me. 

How will I overcome this?  I don't know yet.  I know that it will involve not going along with others want me to do.  It will involve me getting into arguments, but, keep this in mind.  Just because I have an argument with you, doesn't mean that I don't like you or don't respect you.  It just means we don't see eye to eye. 

I try to preach about loving yourself and if there are parts that you don't like, change them.  Looks like I have some work to do on myself.    Not just some either, this is a big thing! I want to be the person who is honest with people about what I want and what I don't want or what I think or what I don't think.  I can't be the cowardice person anymore.  I have to be that brave girl who didn't let anyone roll over her.  I am that girl once again...