This morning, as I was getting ready for a benefit event that I volunteered to work, I thought about what does it mean to be a mother, or father for that matter. But, for the sake of this weekend, I am going to focus on being a mother. I think it funny how when I think of something, I will go over it in my head and it sounds so good while I'm thinking of it. Then, when I try to put into print, I cannot think of it, nor can I get my train of thought to sound as good as it did in my head.
To start with, this evening, I was playing on Facebook, I know right, one of the girls I worked with at the grocery store is due to leave the hospital without taking her baby home. I get the very distinct feeling it's a still born. It broke my heart to read this. How very lucky I am that I have my little ones with me, and another is suffering the heartbreaking blow of losing hers, all of this about the time of this holiday that we have made just for mothers. Words cannot express the sorrow that I feel for her nor the depth of emotion that she (and her husband) must be feeling right now. It rocks me to my very core, in ways that I cannot truly express. We should all be grateful for the children that we get to raise.
With that in mind, I have a tendency to believe that are children chose us. It's not that we decide to have children, it's that they decide that it's time to come to us. That we have something to teach them. When I think that I am doing a terrible job at being a mother, I have to stop and think that no matter what I have done, her soul saw something so great in my own, that she wanted to be my daughter. I cannot think of a greater reward!! I mean, to an extent, we have control over it, but, overall, I honestly think that our control over that situation is really just an illusion. And in turn, they teach us something too... probably more than a few things in reality :) Thus far, Piper has taught me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I can be the best mom that I know how, and for me, that's about what I want to do. While at my event this afternoon, our speaker said that he didn't know anything about love, until he had kids. All three of them adopted and all three of them, beautiful creations that love their dad completely. And he's right. I didn't know love until I had Piper.
It amazes me so much of this things that as a mother I do. On weekdays, I am up first, to make sure coffee is done. I go into Piper's room and wake her up with lots of kisses and sweet nothings. I make sure that Kelsie is up and getting ready for school. On good days, Thomas will get up and get Piper to school and let me finish getting ready for work, however, that's not always the case. I do take her to school and ensure that both girls are ready for school with lunches and coffee and smoothies.
But being a mother means more than just that. I am constantly wondering if what I do today will scar her tomorrow. I try to remember to say I'm sorry when I snap at her, which is more often that what I would like. I try to remember that spending my time with her doing what she wants to do is the single greatest thing that I can do for her. I try to remember that by giving her good food for her body, and some nice play time at the park is one of the best things I can do for her body, especially since we have found that she cannot eat wheat. I try to remember that for teenagers, they are a bit more sensitive to things and that she sometimes just need to talk to someone. I try to remember that while she is older, that she still needs her mom just as much as I still need mine.
There are other days that I am still learning so much about them. Not about them per say, but about what I can do to make myself a better person so I can be a better mother for them. I feel like I do a good job sometimes, but, there are days that I feel like I want to hide in my closet and cry. To which, those days are not about if I am being a good mother, it's about me. I don't like those days.
Overall, I would say that I give thanks on a daily basis to be given these precious lives that I get to raise. They truly are gifts and everyday that I get to see them, its truly a fantastic day. I know that all of our days on this planet are limited, for this lifetime at least, and for every one that I get to be with these two amazing girls, I am so blessed to be there for them :) For now, I will do the best that I can, and give them everything that I can. I do keep thinking that they chose us, and for me, that is amazing feeling. I know that for them choosing us, I will make sure that I will do what I can to teach them what I know. Life is short, love freely, laugh much, dance in the rain, and remember that everyday is a gift, that's why it's called the present.
Just a postscript here... I wanted to say thank you to all of those who, after reading either the post Some Action is Required on May 1 or I Hate you Facebook on May 5, took action. It means a lot to us that there are people out there who are willing to help... For that, you have my sincerest thanks. If you haven't read it, your actions and sharing this information would be greatly appreciated. Comments are always welcomed. If you have taken action, please feel free to BCC me on this so we have a copy too. The email is hanover.physt
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