Happy Christmas to all, and to all, a good night

It's that special time of the year again when we all seem to be happier and kinder with others. We, as a collective whole, are more willing to forgive and move on onto bigger and better things.  That is not the case at my house today.  There is a sense of melancholy that has fallen over my little home today.  I'm not sure if it's because of the girls not being here or if it because neither want to talk to us.  I know that Piper is just having fun and being a kid and is excited for tomorrow, but it cuts when she's just not interested in talking to me at all.  With Kelsie, she's just not here this year and can't wait to leave. I was listening to Cat Stevens Wild World and thought of her.  I am at a loss as to how to make it right. And I know that it's not really up to me to fix it.  I think that part makes me sad.

I was looking at the tree this morning and it dawned on me that I am a very materialistic when it comes to the holidays.  I have everything that I need in my life.  I have a great family and I love them all so much.  I have a vehicle that works and gets me to where we need to be.  I have a job an it's only getting better for me. But, still, the tree is lovely but there isn't anything under it and there isn't going to be. The stockings are hung and it looks so beautiful, and they will remain empty.  It's all good, I have had years like this before but not quite like this.  And if I recall, I was kind of bummed about it still.  But, it's all good. I know that the whole idea of the day isn't about getting stuff, but, I wish I could give more to the ones that I love.  I want to create the kind of memories that my parents did for us. And they had four kids to buy for.  I know that I will be doing more shopping with layaway more than once this next year.  I have no clue what the rest of this day will bring or what's in store for Thomas and I tomorrow.  I have ideas that would be great like, a mental vacation with good food and great music and maybe something funny to watch.  I don't see that happening, but that would be nice. Anyhow, enough sad shit. I think I will finish wrapping and then go do some food shopping for tomorrow and then, drink. I am thinking wine is in store for me and who knows what else.

I have yet to really reach any of my goals that I set for myself this past year. I do know that had my computer not died, I would have done more writing.   I am going to finish the book idea I have this coming year. It will be done by my birthday. And I will have to think of other goals for the year too, but, that's the big one. I can do this.  This is the last year I will be living in this apartment for the holidays and I will have my house. We will be there next year and I am excited about it. Good things are happening all the time for me.

I put on my favorite movie to make the day seem better and I love the music in it.  I think the ocean is calling my name.  Soon!  I have to be there soon, I need it.  Anyhow, I have things to do today, so, Happy Christmas to all, and to all, a good night! Peace