There is much discussion on what it's like to feel undervalued in our lives. From work to our personal events to our kids to our parents, we all seem to know what it's like to feel like we are worthless. But what about the opposite side of that? When was the last time you felt like you were truly valued by the people all around you, not just the ones you hold the closest?
I have had a few jobs, and done different things at each one of them. I always wondered how my little part in the bigger picture made a difference. Did I make a difference to anyone there? Was I valued by my supervisors in any way? Depending on the job and the time, I have wondered this. Even now, I have doubts about it. Where I am at now, I know, for a fact, that I am a big part of what we do here. I know that what I do makes a difference for the people that I work for (my clients that is) and I know that they (my clients) do value what I do. But, this isn't always the case, for me and for many others out there.
When I was 16, I got a job at the local grocery store bringing in carts and sweeping the floors and taking out the track and bagging groceries. Not the most glamorous job I have ever had, but, it was a starting point. I worked endlessly for minimum pay (at that time it was $5.25 an hour.... 20 years ago) for people who saw what I did as the lowest man on the totum pole position. I closed more nights than I should have and I worked for hours in the summer time outside pushing carts. I never really heard thank you from the management team. I mean yes, they would say thank you for doing such a great job scrubbing out the drains in the back room, but, I didn't feel like what I did made a difference. I got to be a cashier the longer that I worked there and that was cooler. Got a raise, yay, and at the end of the day I still felt overworked and undervalued. When I finally quit when I was 19, I moves to the big city to work at a school as financial aid clerk. Wow, talk about a different work environment!! I made a huge difference and what I did was important to the running of the school. I mean, I was a kid, and I had this amazing job and I felt important (mostly) and what I did was important. It was awesome!!
I didn't last long there, about 6 months and then I was fired. Yes, I was fired from a job. So fast forward about a year after that. I was now 21, and in the US Navy. 9/11 had just happened and I was going to the USS John F. Kennedy for the service. My job was to wipe oil off of an engine, sweep and clean the spaces we were in charge of, clean salt water corrosion off of gauge lines, do preventive maintainence on different things, and stand a watch (which consisted of taking reading on gauges of fire pumps in all the pump rooms, 5 of them, and take readings on the air pressure for the air start system on the Emergency Diesel Generators or EDG's) for 4 hours a day, 1 reading on all of these every hour, everyday. We were also in charge of doing a boat report every single day, in port or underway. I failed to see in any way, how what I was doing was making a difference. It was during a time of war, and we did our jobs and because of where I worked in the ship, I just couldn't see it. Even now, I understand why I was there to do that job, but, I fail to see how it helped the mission.
When I got transferred to the West Coast, I became the RPPO for our division (Repair Parts Petty Officer) which meant I got to order parts and write jobs for anything that broke in our division. I was the only female in the division for a while, so naturally, I got (what I call) the bitch work. In the two years that I served on board the USS Boxer, I ordered the wrong part twice. And the reason I still remember this, is because it was such a huge deal that I had messed up and had done something wrong. Not only were the guys surprised that I had screwed up, but so were my male supervisors. Only one of those times did I really get into trouble for it. As the RPPO, I had to just through hoops to get parts, I had to go to other ships for relief valves, I had to get things from the shore parts places. Not only did I have to go get the parts, I had to locate them, write job orders for them, make sure that it was approved and then, I had to get it to the correct shop in a timely manner. One day, the ship was waiting for me to get back so we could get underway. That should give you an idea of how important this job was and how incredibly important it was that I did this job well.
I remember very specifically when I had stayed until long after everyone was already home, coming back from going to a different ship to get a relief valve, my Senior Chief said thank you and good job. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. It was the most rewarding compliment I had been paid in so long. And it was all I needed to hear to keep going for another year before I was paid another compliment. In the military, you are given an evaluation every year. This is where what I did would be noticed. I got the highest eval marks I had ever received as well as an EP (Early Promote). The system only goes to a 5.0. A 3.0 is average. It means you're doing your job well and that you're on your way to making rank. That year, I got a 4.56. I cannot tell you how excited I was. I was also ranked out of the E-5's in our department as number 5. Which means, out of all of the E-5's in our department, only 4 outdid me in job performance. There was over a 50 of us, so being 5th was a great thing for me. I couldn't have been more proud. I knew I was valued and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was important to the mission at hand. I was shit-hot!! It was a great feeling to feel like I mattered to the place I worked. I was on my way to making rank even faster when I made a stupid call, because at 25 you're still making stupid calls, and it all went away.
Devastation is what I felt. Heartbroken at what I had lost, in fact, it hurt so much, that for the first 4 years, YEARS, afterwards, I couldn't talk about it without breaking down and sobbing. It was the worst blow of my professional career that I had ever had. The first two jobs I had after that, I didn't feel like I mattered at all to anyone where I worked. I was as dispensable as anyone could be. The next job, when we had moved to Louisiana, after I had small fry, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I did made a difference, but, to the ones that I worked with, I felt a connection to them. In fact, when faced with even more adversity than I had ever expected, I was able to rely on them more than I thought I would need them, and now, 7 years after I left Sulphur, I still love them and I know that they had made a huge impact on my life.
When I got home, I took a job at Lowe's. It was still being built, and we worked long hard hours everyday getting that store ready. It was so much fun. At first, I was just a cashier. Within a month I was working in the Admin office. This is where we would prepare the deposit for the store, balance the store, and prepare the money for the next day. I loved what I did. Not only did I love what I was doing, but, I know that what I did made a difference. It was a great job! My supervisors were so easy for me to get along with (except the store manager who hated that he told me to get rid of my music and I didn't, because I was not going to spend all day in that room with nothing to listen to. Not even the buzz or hum of the computer) and I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to be around. I loved it so much. I feel like I grew up while I was there too. I was going through a divorce at the time, and I spent a lot of time crying in my office alone. I started dating a guy I worked with and when that didn't work out either, I was once again, left crying in my office a lot. I was there two and half years before I decided to go back to school.
Once in school, I knew I didn't want to be at work anymore. I loved all that I was learning and loved that what I was learning, was changing my whole life for the better. It was that life changing event that makes your eyes open and you feel like you know what's going on for the first time in your life. It was amazing. I started to hate being at work, not because I didn't like working, but, because I wanted to learn more. When I decided to quit and do a work study program, all of my work colleagues were surprised as well as shocked. I mean, who leaves the perfect job to go to school for less money and less hours?!
Miss Charlotte was the most awesome lady I have ever worked for and I am so glad that I got to know her. In life you don't get to choose who your family is, but, I will forever consider her to be my family, that's how much she made me feel like I was worth it. I wouldn't be where I am without her, that's for sure. On my last day, Miss Charlotte brought my a beautiful arrangement of fall flowers and made me feel like I was really going to be missed. I couldn't have asked for a better send off. It was amazing and I cried knowing that I was leaving someone that I loved.
Well, the work study program didn't work quite as well as I had hoped for. It did allow me to learn so much and my teacher was always saying thank you for your work and I loved it. It was well worth the time that I spend there. But, when it came down to it, I needed to get paid and it wasn't happening like I had needed it to. So, I went back to Lowe's. I was to work up front at the Customer Service Desk and I did like that... I'm not going to lie, it was fun. I worked part time, took shifts when I could, got to work almost as much as I did when I was full time. Just had to do it on the weekends now too. I know that the people that I worked for liked having me there, I was a good part of the team, and I enjoyed it. Up to a point that is.
Once out of school, I took a Head Cashier position, and then, the position that I really wanted came up. It was for receiving clerk. I so wanted this job! But, I didn't get it. Instead I took a different position of LTL Stocker. This was, by far, the most thankless, hardest, physically demanding job I had had since being on the Kennedy. I worked so hard at it! I was there doing that for just about exactly a year. And within that year, I had worked so hard in a position that was so unappreciated and made to feel like I was so worthless that when the opportunity came up to work full time as a Massage Therapist, I took it. Instantly, I took it. I was heartbroken when I left. My boss didn't speak to me from the time I turned in my notice until after I left. No one said a word to me when I left that last day, and I cried a lot over this. It was heartbreaking not only because I felt like a piece of shit most days after leaving work, but, because I was leaving, my family that I had been with from a very hard time in my life to that time (I had my family that I lived with, but these people had seem me at my worst and my best and they were, in essence, my family).
There have been good days and bad days working as an LMT. I know what I do makes a difference, yet, hearing it more than once a year is really nice. I love love love my clients. They are the reason that I keep coming to work. I feel like I do something to help others and that makes my life so much more fulfilling. I don't always agree with everyone here, but, I know that my clients depend on me, and I don't want to let them down. They are, after all, the reason I have a job. I am so grateful for the people that I have met and the lives that I feel apart of now. My clients value me... that's a fantastic feeling. However, and I say this with as much kindness as I can, I am not paid what I am worth, by a long shot. In the last few weeks, we have been undergoing a lot of changes in our office, and in the long run, it's going to make this place even better, but, with changes comes a lot of stress. I can say that we are all under a great deal of stress and I have no clue when it's going to even out. I am hoping within another month or so. And at that time, I suspect that my boss and I will talk about a lot of things.
After all of my experience with working and life, it seems strange that so many fail to see that a simple thank you for your hard work will take them so far. It's the one thing that makes you feel like you have value and are appreciated. So, for all of you who have employees, kids, friends, make sure you tell them that what they do is important and that you value the work that they put in. Do it often, you will be surprised that amount of respect they give when you show them a little appreciation and kindness. Words are like gunshots. Once they are out, there is no taking it back. Wounds heal after time, but that scar will remain. Take care of the people who work for you, and they will take care of you. Show them you care, pay them well for what they do. And most importantly, realize that how you treat others is a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. By not valuing the people you're around everyday, they will leave and yes, you will have to find someone else to work, but, they are people too, and they have feelings. And they hurt just as much as you do when someone steps all over your feelings. As an adult, I try to not let it show, but, the heart is mysterious thing, and you would be surprised by the scars that it can carry. Take care of others, they are trying to make it in life, just like you.
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