Questions???

This week is nearly closed.  Tomorrow is Friday and then I shall have the wonderful pleasure of running.  A lot.  Like 20 miles over two days, which to some doesn't seem like a lot, but, it's good for me.  I will be doing a half marathon next weekend.  It's a virtual race, so I can do it anytime, but this is the week that I have chosen to do it.

The week began like most others.  Get up, go to work.  I had interviewed for a different position which would have been a good size raise, but, it would mean a longer commute.  I wanted it, but I wasn't sure if I was up for it.  I was not the one chosen, so, when I came home on Monday night, I was feeling pretty blue.  I cried and suddenly felt the total and complete insignificance that I have to the greater good of the world.  While I wasn't the person chosen, the one who was, is probably super excited and ready for what this job holds and is going to be great.  And in their world, it's everything.  And I started to ponder my own significance to my small world.

To the people with whom I share my personal life, I feel like I am a rockstar.  I have an amazing husband that I am head over heels for.  I have two beautiful girls who are so wonderful to be around.  I have my sisters that I love more than the world, (and that includes my sisters whom I have chosen, you are my sisters) and my parents whom I depend on still for emotional support.  I love the life I have.  I have been influenced by some amazing wonderful people whom I still call family, though miles and miles separate us.  There have been beautiful things that I have gone through, and there are some really shitty things that I have come out on the other of wondering how did I make it out.

I have known love of a few men, and for those I am very lucky to have known it. I have taken the good out of those experiences and moved on from the parts that made my heart hurt.  There have even been two that I would have run away with if they had asked me to drop every thing and go with them.

I have done very stupid things as well.  I have been an evil bitch to people just because I could.  I have been a huge bad shit talker.  but through all of these events, I have always felt that I was meant for something huge.  Something so much bigger than what I can understand, and for a long time, I have been under the impression that it had to do with having a lot of money.

The prospect of this job that I had seen, was the money aspect.  And in this line of thinking, due to the lifestyle with which I had become accustomed to, this was going to mean I was coming up in the world.  And, I couldn't see that which is was much more important than having money.  The ones that I share my life with, this is the significance of my life.  Now, the money aspect would have been lovely, but, it's not all that important.  What is important is sleeping upstairs.  What is important is the content of my character, and, my daily run which helps my mind.  What's important is that I am a good mother and a good wife and a friend.  What's important is not about being popular, but being fair.

I'm certainly not a perfect person, I make mistakes daily.  I make mistakes at work and that makes me crazy, I snap at my little one more than I should, but, I try to be better everyday.  And I may never be monetarily well off.  But I have riches.  I have riches beyond measure.  I have a family that I couldn't be more excited about, I have friends whom I trust, I have a job that wants me to stay and learn and move forward.  I have a car that run, and an apartment to live in that is a home in every respect.  I have more than 90% of the world.  I am so grateful for my life and what I do have.

Here's hoping for dreams that come true.  Good night all... Peace