As with so many years, let me start off by telling you what I'm grateful for. For the years that I have lived with my parents, New Year's Dinner was a time when we brought to the table, literally, at dinner for New Year's Day, our list of things we were grateful for, and what we would like to do as a resolution. For so many years I wanted to lose weight and the only thing I was grateful for was well, in reality, I was not a grateful person. I was pretty angry and lost and had a hard time. It was a challenge to find something on those New Year's Days. But, I usually managed one or two things that I was truly grateful for.
So with this tradition, I wanted to say something about the resolution that I had for years: Lose weight, that's all I ever thought about. Every year for what is near enough to 30 years that I have had a lifetime of self loathing. It was about 3 years ago that I am sure was the last time I said I was going to lose weight. I don't want to lose weight. I would love to eat whatever and not gain weight, but, I have to live in a realistic world where there are enemies of my thighs. Yes, I know that this is not the goal for me.
What I'm Thankful For:
- I am grateful for my own voice in this world
- I am grateful for the ones that I love fiercely and unconditionally
- I am grateful for the ones who push me to work harder and push myself further
- I am grateful for the air that I breathe
- I am grateful for the ones who have inspired me to be realize my own muchness
- I am grateful for the Sun, the Wind, the Rain, the Oceans, and the Earth
- I am grateful that I have found some peace within myself
My Goals:
- To continue to learn about who I am and where do I fit in here?
- To take care of myself on a daily basis
- To take a look at the end of each day and self evaluate i.e. how can I do better tomorrow?
- To run 1000 miles this year
- To finish projects long before they are due to be ready and actually mail them on time
- To edit and self publish the first of many (hopefully) books
How does one come up with these kind of goals? I know that you're looking at these thinking I must be crazy, if I self evaluate, I might find out that I can be just as much of a cunt as other women I know. What if I don't like the person that I am being? How will I ever reach such an impossible goal? It is tough, and I have already found out that I can be a bonafied cunt of a human being. But the question then goes back to, once I see these traits, what do I do with them. If I don't like it, do I change it, or do I keep being that person? You see, that's what it's all about. If I don't like it or if I do like it. If I don't like it, I'm only going to one of two things, change it, or not. If I do like it, will I keep it and continue to be like that, or do I try to be better than I was and evolve to be something I didn't know I could do. Running, really isn't the biggest challenge that is up there for me. I have thought out how to reach that goal, and while I don't have my rewards in place just yet, I will. It's a big thing now that I have a plan, I know that I can reach it. For me, to finish projects is a really hard one. It requires me to take that thing I don't like about myself and try to change it. Will I succeed? I don't know. I have a few goals that I have managed to keep since making big ones, so we shall see.
And what's fun for me is to set goals throughout the year to keep myself challenged. This year past, I didn't do any 10ks. I was very bummed that I didn't' do any. I did however, do my first mud run and that was a blast. Was I prepared, not really. Am I going to make little goals for myself this year for running, well, aside from the big one? Like properly train for a race or sign up for one that might be really hard. Or do hot yoga for a month on Saturdays? Or run a 10k. At this point, I know what the basic goals are. And while I have a few more that are my own and I will write down in my own private hand written journal, I know what I want to have accomplished at the end of this year.
Not everyone has goals for themselves. Not everyone makes resolutions, but, for those who do, what are your goals? I have asked my youngest one what are her goals for the year. She said she wanted to do a handstand. I can respect that. I also tried to tell her to use her resources. If you wish to learn more and do gymnastics, ask your cousin for what YouTube channels she watched when she was learning. Pull out the yoga book and start to stretch everyday to get the muscles loose and ready for the day, as well as gaining flexibility for more acrobatic moves. I want to be able to do the splits. I am sure that if I did my yoga for a year, I could come much closer if not all the way to doing them.
With this year at it's early spot, I sit here in wonder in awe waiting for what the year will bring. Some things scare the shit out of me. I am hoping to be surprised for wonderful things, but, I don't expect it. Other things, will be wonderful and amazing, like vacation and using new oil paints and having a marriage anniversary that I will be celebrating this year. I have one last thought/goal to leave you with. A suggestion if you will. This year, I as well as Piper, will be doing the jar of Awesome. Once a week, no less, we will be putting down on paper awesome things that have happened that week. If more than one thing happens that we thought were awesome, we can put more. But at the end of the year, it makes for fun times reading what good things really did happen to us throughout the year.
So Here's to Cheating,
Stealing, Fighting,
And Drinking.
If you Cheat, May you Cheat
death; If you Steal, May you
Steal a Woman's Heart; If you fight,
May you Fight for a Brother;
If you drink, May you drink with me.
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