Questions ????

So, I am glad that I have taken myself out of the debate of vaccines.  I am still watching what is going on with it, and yes, I do feel bad for the families of those who are affected.  Strange, I see that there was a pretty bad outbreak last year, yet, I don't remember seeing much on it in way of the media or social media or anything like that. Nearly 1000 people were effected by this and maybe it's because I didn't pay that much attention to it before, but, now, it's like it's everywhere.  All over the place.  And I loved what a physician had done.  They had written a letter to someone about how they felt about this whole thing.  There was a photo that said that if they mix the ingredients of the vaccines it's good, but, if I do it, then it's dangerous.  And this got me to thinking about it...

So then, the biggest problem people have with the vaccines is the mercury content of it.  Valid point I think.  All of the mercury thermometers have been taken off the market.  We are told that pregnant women shouldn't eat fish or tuna due to the mercury content of the fish. 

Today, mercury is used for the manufacture of industrial chemicals and for electrical and electronic applications. It can be found in meteorological equipment like thermometers and barometers. Gaseous mercury is used in mercury-vapor lamps which light highways at night.  Mercury poisoning (also known as hydrargyria or mercurialism) is a type of metal poisoning and a medical condition caused by exposure to mercury or its compounds. Mercury (chemical symbol Hg) is a heavy metal occurring in several forms. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercury_poisoning
Mercury in any form is poisonous, with mercury toxicity most commonly affecting the neurologic, gastrointestinal (GI) and renal organ systems. Poisoning can result from mercury vapor inhalation, mercury ingestion, mercury injection, and absorption of mercury through the skin. (See Etiology and Prognosis.)
Mercury has 3 forms: (1) elemental mercury, (2) inorganic salts, and (3) organic compounds. Perhaps the most deadly form of mercury is methylmercury. Only 2-10% of the ingested mercury is absorbed from the gut, and ingested elemental mercury is not absorbed at all; however, 90% of any methylmercury ingested is absorbed into the bloodstream from the GI tract.  (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1175560-overview)
At concentrations found in vaccines, thimerosal meets the requirements for a preservative as set forth by the United States Pharmacopeia; that is, it kills the specified challenge organisms and is able to prevent the growth of the challenge fungi (U.S. Pharmacopeia 2004). Thimerosal in concentrations of 0.001% (1 part in 100,000) to 0.01% (1 part in 10,000) has been shown to be effective in clearing a broad spectrum of pathogens. A vaccine containing 0.01% thimerosal as a preservative contains 50 micrograms of thimerosal per 0.5 mL dose or approximately 25 micrograms of mercury per 0.5 mL dose. (http://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVaccines/SafetyAvailability/VaccineSafety/UCM096228)

It's a totally and completely toxic element.  Yet, when mixed by a pharmacy person, I don't know who makes them, but, I know that someone has to make the vaccines, it's totally ok to inject this.  I think it's great that they have made the effort to take as much out of the vaccines as possible.  And just because I don't like the idea of vaccines doesn't mean that Piper is not vaccinated or that I won't make sure she gets her booster, I'm just trying to make a point here. 

Next, let's look formaldehyde...

Formaldehyde is a commonly used chemical compound that exists in various forms and at room temperature, is a colorless, distinctive, strong and even pungent smelling, flammable and gaseous substance. Formaldehyde has been used in a number of industries for various purposes such as: for the manufacturing of building materials – like pressed wood products (mostly as an adhesive resin), fiber board, plywood, cigarette smoke, fuel burning appliances and kerosene space heaters. Additional uses in household products include: additive for permanent –press, an ingredient in glues, and as a preservative in medical laboratories – as embalming fluid, and as a sterilizer. Since Formaldehyde is a by-product of combustion and other inherent processes, it can be found in significant concentrations and in various environments.
It is also critical to note that the “11th report on carcinogens” classifies formaldehyde as "reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen".   (http://www.formaldehydetesting.com/whatisformaldehyde.html)

Ok, well, after looking into this one, I have found that this is almost everything and is mostly in the air.  Can't do too much about it, it's everywhere. 

I can't find the list of other ingredients but the list continues with other elements and right now, being sick and in the middle of an allergy attack, I just don't want to keep going, but here is the question I was thinking of earlier. 
Why are these things so dangerous to us, yet, to keep us healthy, this is what needs to be injected into us and our children?  Why are we putting things that are known poisons into our little ones?  There are still cases of people who get polio from the vaccine.  The flu shot, as far as I'm concerned is a bunch of shit, and I won't do it at all.  Nor will I put it into my little one...But, whatever my choice is and whatever my daughter choses to do are our choices and though they may not always follow the mainstream, I would hope that we are shown respect for our decisions. 

I don't know if that will happen though, seems to me that if I don't follow the mainstream, I am wrong and stupid and poorly educated.  I am reckless and selfish and ignorant.  Another question for you all.  If your kids have been vaccinated, why are you so worried about your kids getting these diseases?  Shouldn't the vaccine protect them from it, I mean, that's why we get them right?  To make sure our kids won't have to go through these kinds of things and diseases, right?  Then why is everyone so upset about their kids getting the measles if they have had their vaccines?  Too many things I don't understand, but, one thing is for sure.  This is a hot topic and I am sure lots of people will have much to say about it.  I may not agree with many things, in fact, I rather enjoy taking the side of the underdog in most cases, however, for this one, I know how I feel about it.  And so, that's all I have to say about that....  Just some points to ponder :)

 

 

 

 

Quality of Education

Despite the fact that I am no longer in high school, I do tend to have a lot of interaction with high school students.  I was not cool, ever, in high school and for whatever strange reason, I am now... Whatever, I think it's the tattoos :)  Anyhow, in speaking with them recently, I have discovered an injustice to these students and I wanted to pose this question to you all as well, which I will ask at the end of telling you all what's going on. 

These students, who because of their age and such, I won't name, but they have brought it to my attention about some things that are really bothering them all.  They are good kids, they want to learn, they have goals, and want to have awesome careers and I think that's beyond great.  I was always lost when trying to decide what I wanted to be when I was younger.  They can be sassy at times and snarky as well, but, overall, they are good hearted, kind kids. 

They go to school at a place that seems to be a last resort for some, and that's cool.  They like where they are and don't want to go anywhere else.  But, there is a student who also attends this place and is the most disruptive kid there.  I have been told that this student has it in for one teacher, and only one.  For the sake of writing here, I will give this person a name, makes it easier in writing, let's call them Pat-remember SNL, Pat and Chris.  Pat will not be respectful to the teachers or the learning environment to the point where it is disrupting class.  Pat is on the phone in class, Pat is listening to music in class, and the worst part of it, Pat is verbally abusive to the staff.  Not just any staff member, because most of them don't tolerate it, but the staff member who is unable to use discipline in any form, whether it's detention or telling Pat to leave class, or even suspension.  Nothing, so, Pat calls this staff member names.  Bad horrible names that no one should have to endure while working and trying to help other students learn.  Like, dick, pussy, faggot, asshole, bastard, cock sucker, and anything else Pat can think of. 

Now these students are upset.  They are upset because they are held to a higher standard.  If they are having a bad day and are snarky to the teacher, they get detention.  If they reply in a manner that a staff member doesn't like, they can be suspended for a day.  Each one of these kids are at a loss as to how to handle what's going on.  Pat never gets in trouble.  Pat could be asked to leave class, but, is soon to return and be even more disruptive.  They have come to me for help and I have no clue what to tell them.  How can we let this go on, with a student so disrespectful, and yet, they get away with it.  Every day.  I have been told by one of these students that it's because Pat is worth more money.  How fucked up is that?  Allowing this kind of behavior because Pat is making the school money is so scandalous and repulsive and appalling that I can't even describe it accurately!!!

Pat is also on probation for I don't know what.  Pat's probation officer has been told that Pat is doing well in school and he isn't a problem at all.  Now, the kids here are upset because they know that if Pat gets a violation of probation, then Pat will be pulled out of school and sent to the juvenile detention center for the duration of the probation.  Yet, it seems that Pat will not have anyone tell the probation officer what a total and complete waste of space Pat is.  One of the kids that is having a problem with this will tell Pat off and it seems to shut them up for a while.  And while Pat is such a big talker at school, if outside the school area, Pat seems to lose all of that audacity and courage and just hangs the head and says nothing.  Strange I think, why Pat is allowed to get away with this. 

What can be done?  What can I tell these kids?  How can help them?  I don't know, I ask for your advice on this one, because, I do know the staff members and no matter what, no person should have to endure that kind of abuse at work.  The fear is though, if it's put in writing from this staff person, they will be fired... Help, please... Thank you :)

Reckless behavior

This week, there is so much going on that I have decided that I no longer want to see it.  I have deleted the app off my phone, and I will still use messenger if I need to, but, for the most part, I think I am done with Facebook.  Talk about a waste of time and energy.  It's a vortex of things that I shouldn't be wasting my time with anymore.  Or energy...  With that being said, I will probably still go on once in a while to see what fun cat videos have been posted, or to post to my private group what I am working on with writing. 

How did I come to this decision?  After all, I have made this choice before, why do I think that I will be able to do it this time... What made me change my mind.  Well, it's been a rough week at work.  I have had the worst case of PMS in so many years that I can't remember feeling like this before.  I feel like this gray cloud with all my sunshine just gone.  I have no desire to really do anything, or whatever.  There are many articles on what's going on in the world this week.  The biggest one that I chose to tackle was the measles outbreak in California.  They are saying that it's because some parents don't have their kids immunized and that's why we have these problems.  It's all these parents' fault and we should make them outcasts of society.  It's a hot topic and one that I feel strongly about.  I am against immunizations.  I have my reasons, and I chose to not have Piper immunized after about 14 or 15 months old.  For now, she's considered to be safe.  I put my feelings out there on this and I have never felt so attacked as I did yesterday.  I was told that I am reckless, arrogant, selfish, ignorant, poorly educated and all sorts of things.  I was felt totally insulted and degraded by people who are my family and friends.  I don't need that kind of drama in my life.  I just want to be happy.  I made an informed decision about the health my child and they can say what they want, and I am not going to change their minds.  Just like they aren't going to change my mind about it either. 

For now, that's the way it is, and it's all good.  I will find my voice instead, I will regain my sense of self and do what is best for me and my family.  I understand risks and chances and after all of it was said and done, the only response I wanted to make, though I didn't, was fuck you.  But that's how I feel.  I will be writing a lot more now... so, until the next time, remember, your words hurt and what you say can affect others.  Say kind things, and if you disagree then cool... but, I don't want to deal with that.  Later cats... :)

Moving

Today I get to move to a new place.  I am very excited about it.  You know what makes me mad though, when I bust my ass trying to get everything done before hand, and then it's not right.  I am having a hard time with focusing on what I am suppose to be doing today, which is work for a few hours and then go home and get stuff moved.  I will be ok, this will be over soon and then I can focus on unpacking and making this the best little place for us.  It's all good.... But damn it pisses me off...

More Truths...

Recently, I had discovered that I was cowardly.  And while, I can see this in myself, I think I have come to some other conclusions about myself.  I am not cowardly, I just go about things in a different manner than other people.  One thing that was pointed out to me was that, though I have a hard time standing up for myself, I think of being in a time and place long ago.  Being in the military was not a cowardly thing. 

No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft.  I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general.  We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news.  Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home.  While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more. 

In combat, I never thought of what might happen.  There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing.  I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do.  I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out.  But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why.  We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over.  But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively.  It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with.  That was just too scary to think of. 

As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air.  We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks.  We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving.  The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit.  We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for.  Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time.  Others, we loved our lives.  And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it.  I saw no purpose in what I was doing there.  I had a job and it was pretty easy for me.  I was young and on an adventure. 

So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it.  I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be.  I am a work in progress... And I love that about me. 

The elephant in the room

There has been much debate about what is going on in Ferguson Missouri.  I can say that I don't understand it.  I have been bombarded with racial propaganda about how it's all about white privilege in this country and I won't understand because I am white and I will never have to experience the racial strife in our country.  I would have to say that I don't buy into that. 

To start with, I can't say that I don't see color, I do see that we are all different and have different shades of color or lack of color.  I see that there are injustices that do cry out for justice in our world.  I see that when the riots of the Rodney King verdict  were going on, I didn't understand it.  Now that I am not 12 I get it.  And that was a horrible terrible tragic thing that happened and I understand that.  Those men were guilty as sin, as were the other officers who drove by and did NOTHING about it.  That it something that is riot worthy... We all should have stood up and said this is wrong and we need to do something to change it. 

Now here is where my confusion comes from now.  We have a young man, who robbed a store for cigars and cigarillos, was high as a kite, more than 6 feet tall, about 240 pounds who was shot and killed.  We have an officer who is not as big, had a young man reach into his car to attack him and shot to kill because he feared for his life.  Who am I to say that he was or wasn't afraid.  I would expect any person who reaches into a patrol car intending to harm the officer who is driving will be shot and likely killed.  To say that this was motivated as a hate crime, in my opinion is completely unfounded.  Would we be having all these issues if the cop in question was black?  I guess we will never know. 

I have known many people, most of them I would call friends, who have a different color of skin than I do.  I grew up in an area that the minority group is Apache, not black.  Yes I notice when there is a man or woman or family who is not white, but, coming from where I do, it's just not the norm.  I still smile and say hello, I don't care what the color of your skin is. 

I don't see my life as having what is called white privilege.  I see the things that I have in my life as a direct result of me busting my ass for everything.  In the Navy it was never about color.  It was about rank and gender.  I had to work two, three, four times harder than my male counterparts to earn the respect of the guys that I worked with.  We all went to the same schools, we all had duty days, and we all had the chance to make the best out of our situation in engineering. 

I have heard a lot about the police force in Ferguson is predominantly white.  Why is that do you think?  I mean, really, why?  Is it because young people in Ferguson can't become cops?  Is it because it's a bad job?  I think it has more to do with not being able to get into the academy.  (Now this information is taken from a man who lived in Compton... That's right, gang ridden, black Los Angeles... He's white... it wasn't a easy life as a kid for him.  I guess since he had a different color of skin, he was treated poorly and got beat up damn near every day.  I have yet to see riots for him)  When you live in an area where many kids get into trouble and have a record, they are unable to get into the academy.  You can't be out doing things that will get you into trouble.  You have to keep your self motivated and try to show respect for others.  It doesn't mean that you have respect the person, you just have to show it to them.  There have been many people that I do NOT respect as people, but I respect the position. 

There are some really hateful people out there, and I get it, it's hard to deal with them.  But, I have a news flash for everyone.  This is not the 1950's.  There are no separate places for people to use the restrooms or order food.    Each and every one of us had the capacity and ability to pull themselves out of whatever situation they are in and make it better.  We have a chance as making it big, we all can make this a better place for our kids. 

It's not just the police who are doing things wrong, because something, they are people after all, they make mistakes, it's more like the media who is fueling this constant hate and discontent with each other.  To have given the facts, all that had to be said was a young man was shot and killed by an officer today after getting a report that the young man had robbed a store.  There are the facts...  Why do they have to specify what color he is. The other night, I think Tuesday, I came home and listened to the news about a man who was involved in some sort of police altercation.  There was no mention of either of their skin colors... Because it's not important.  You break the law, you run the risk of getting caught.  It's not demographics, it's our laws. 

Now on the opposite side of the spectrum, the man who was killed after being put into a choke hold in New York should receive justice for that.  According the rules of that police department, that is an illegal hold to subdue anyone, he should be punished for that.  There is no excuse for breaking the rules and being able to get away with it.  In my mind, that is an example of bad judgment and even more bad calls because not only was a man killed who didn't need to be, the officer who did it, will not face charges.  How sad!! That's a horrible injustice and slap in the face for everyone!  Kind of makes me wonder again, if the officer was black, would he have been charged?  We will never know.  But that makes me mad. 

Not only do I get upset with constant black and white talk, I get upset with people who try to preach that if I don't understand why they are trying to say these things, then I am part of the problem too.  I don't see that.  I'm not promoting hate, I don't discriminate against anyone based on skin color, I base it on actions alone.  If you're an evil cunt, I will treat you as such, and if you have a beautiful soul that I want to be around, then that's what I'm going to do, is be around you as much as I can.  Yes, I see color.  Yes, I am white, and yes, I grew up in a white community.  However, that does not automatically make me anything other than a female who is from a small town in Arizona.  I have seen the world, and all sorts of people.  I have loved many, of all colors, and I have lost some that I have loved.  I am sorry that there is not justice for those who deserve it and I am sorry that bad things happen. 

And lastly, I think we should be looking at parents of thug teenagers who commit crimes who are shit head bullies.  I can't see how you would live so blindly to think your son or daughter was this perfect example of a person.  At some point, you know what you're kids are up to and you know who they are long before they ever do.  To think that you're not aware of their actions, good bad or otherwise is simply saying that you don't care enough about your kids to make an effort to know what they're up to.  It's called being a good parent.  We as parents have to pull ourselves out of our computer, and phone, and tablets and take a look at what they are or are not doing, who they are hanging out with, and help them to become PRODUCTIVE members of the society that we all live in!  We are their role models and if we don't want them to grow up and act just like us, then we need to set a better example for them to follow!  I have a lot of work to do for myself.  I am far from perfect, but, I want to teach my girls that love knows no color.  We are not born hating others for their skin, we are taught that, and I hope that I do a good job teaching them that we are not here to hate others... We are here to help, to spread joy, to give love, and to be a shining light for the world to see.  We have to be the change we want to see in the world... I am still working on that, I hope that my girls will see that, and see that I am doing a good job of teaching them these things... ~End Rant~

If I have offended you with my opinions, then, oh well.  I have been offended a lot by what other people have said lately too.    I guess we are all sensitive.  I just don't let it rule my life and take away my sunshine...

The truth

Recently I have discovered a truth about myself that I completely hate!  I have known about this for some time, and I have yet to decide how to fix this. 

I am a coward.  I am the biggest piece of chicken shit that I know of.  I want so badly to change this, and yet, I have not figured out how to do it. 

I am not sure how this ever happened or why this is, but, for whatever the reason, I have become the epitome of what I despise.  I could easily blame it on someone or something that happened when I was a child, but, I can't pin point it.  I just know that I am not who I want to be, nor am I who I make out to be. 

I have tried to sit by and watch things unfold and not get any bandwagon of who is right or wrong and were those actions justified, but I don't think I will stay silent much longer.  I have a very hard time standing up for myself or my family.  I allow others to run me over and push their ideas and thoughts on me and take them as my own.  I have much soul searching to do.  I can't be this person anymore.  If your used to me being the polite girl who doesn't ever want to get involved in an argument, then you may be surprised when I tell you that I am more than willing to take on that fight.  Part of the reason why I don't get involved is because I don't know all the facts.  And to me, there is nothing more irritating than someone who is just spouting shit off with out finding out facts.  I will use what I know and I will use my educated opinion about things.  If this is something that you can't handle, well, perhaps we will part ways as friends.  It's not going to hurt my feelings, but I am tired of letting others control how I feel. 

I was recently told this about myself and then asked what I don't like about me... I think that is a good question, but, this is what I hate about me.  I hate feeling like I have to bend to the ways of others.  I am tired of letting anyone else take that from me. 

How will I overcome this?  I don't know yet.  I know that it will involve not going along with others want me to do.  It will involve me getting into arguments, but, keep this in mind.  Just because I have an argument with you, doesn't mean that I don't like you or don't respect you.  It just means we don't see eye to eye. 

I try to preach about loving yourself and if there are parts that you don't like, change them.  Looks like I have some work to do on myself.    Not just some either, this is a big thing! I want to be the person who is honest with people about what I want and what I don't want or what I think or what I don't think.  I can't be the cowardice person anymore.  I have to be that brave girl who didn't let anyone roll over her.  I am that girl once again...