New goals and re-invention

I have been thinking the last few days about what do I want to accomplish for the next 5 years of my life... Not only what do I want to do, but, how am I going to get there as well.  I have found that there are some things that I want to do, though I am not sure how it is possible.  And there are some things that I only have less than awesome feelings about but I know I can do it if I set myself up to do it right. 

To start with, my friend Ferris told me when I got out of the Navy that I had the power to reinvent myself at that point and be whatever I wanted to be.  At the time I could only see myself as a sailor and that was it.  I had no idea that I hold the key to my own destiny.  It started slow, and gradually, I got to feel like a whole new person.  This took a long time, and I had to go through a lot of heartache to get there.  But to sum it up in the cliff notes version, I started simply.  I dyed my hair.  I had done blonde for long that I was just looking like I was trying to hard.  So, while visiting my friend Naomi in Mayport for Christmas, she dyed my hair black.  It was truly a switch and took a long time to get used to.  Then I started to do little things that I wanted to do.  I pierced things and some were totally new.  I got new tattoos where I could see them, thanks to the courage I got from Sonya, who had done an entire sleeve and it looked beautiful.  I started to see myself the way that I wanted to be.  I decided to go back to school and become some things great.  At the end of the whole adventure, I realized it had taken me about 3 to 4 years to get there, a lot of pain from breakups but, I was the person that I wanted to be now.  So, I set off to do a whole lot of things.  I was able to get some of it done, but there are parts that I have yet to complete. 

As it stands, here is my new goals for the next 5 years.

6 Months
-Thai Massage Certified
-Two vehicles for the family, one being able to travel a bit in

1 Year
-Saved half of the money needed to move to the coast
-Work for myself totally

3 Years
-Moved to the Pacific Northwest
-Yoga Instructor

5 Years
-Own House with lap pool
-Be AWESOME DAILY

That's not a lot of goals, but once I see them there, I know that they aren't so hard that I can't do them.  I know that it will take discipline and time and energy, but then again, anything worth doing, is worth doing right, so that's why there is the time frames the way they are. 

As a part of this, I have decided to really put myself out there for the world to see.  So, I will be adding something that to me is a scary thing.  I will be putting out a video series on YouTube starting next week.  The first series will be Becoming a Better You.  I am not sure how many videos it will have, but, I am thinking at least 5 - 10.  I will be putting one out a week and while this is really a big deal for me, I am hoping that by doing so, I will be able to help others see their worth and re0invent themselves too.  The idea of re-inventing oneself is not new, people change all the time, but this is my way of helping others to do it in a way that clears out the bad shit in their lives, which could include shit-heads as well, and make them into a better version of the old them.  So, stay tuned for that.  It's going to be big :) 

Anyhow, hope you all have a great weekend, and so for now, I am off for the weekend... Until Monday, be bad :) Look for the new video, I will let you all know when it will be up.  Hooray for new and exciting things!!!

5 Year Goals

Nearly 5 years ago, I was in massage school and we had to put out our 5 year goals... Let me review mine for you... Let's see, it's starts out:

6 month goals...
Finish School and get my massage License.. Check
Sky Dive over the Pacific Ocean.. Not check
To Quit Lowes... Check

1 Year Goal
Finish my Thai Massage Cert...Not Check
Piper in Pre-school...Check at third grade now
Increased clientele to 20 per week... Somewhat check

3 Year Goal
Finish Yoga instructor... not check
Be in a house, mine or rented...somewhat check
Increase clientele to 25 per week... Somewhat Check

5 Year Goal
Open my own wellness center... Not Check
Tummy Tuck and cosmetic dentistry... Not Check
Have Piper in a school that promotes healthy creativity.... Not sure

So, I have done some of things that I wanted to and some things like they are going to take me a million years to get to.  I am working on the Thai Massage this year for my CEU's for my license which is another goal down.  I don't know about ski diving over the ocean, there is no clear cut landing area that doesn't have the potential to have predators there.  And we all know what a total wuss I am when it comes to getting into the ocean.  Piper is now in third grade, so that's going well.... maybe... my clients, well, I am thinking about cutting back on that part and seeing about going with maybe 6 a week on my own, doing my mobile thing.  Yoga instructor... Well, I have looked and found something that I really want to be a part of.  Sadly there are no schools close to me so it either involves moving or moving.  I have found a class that I really would like to be part of.  I am hoping to see into their online course.  It won't get me the cert that I want, but, it's a step in the right direction.  Fixing my teeth... hahahahahahahahaha, I did have a tooth get chipped and that was fixed and now looks a whole lot better than it did.  I almost like the way it looks.  Tummy tuck is still pretty far off, and really, it's not that big of a deal to me anymore.  I know what I am and I know what I am not, so it's all good.  In a house... That would be lovely. 

I am looking at these goals and I am realizing that I need to rewrite them and see what I can and cannot do.  I am hoping for only good things and an easy way to get there.  That's not always the way it goes, but, it's nice to think so.  Anyhow, that's all for now... Until tomorrow :)

Questions ????

So, I am glad that I have taken myself out of the debate of vaccines.  I am still watching what is going on with it, and yes, I do feel bad for the families of those who are affected.  Strange, I see that there was a pretty bad outbreak last year, yet, I don't remember seeing much on it in way of the media or social media or anything like that. Nearly 1000 people were effected by this and maybe it's because I didn't pay that much attention to it before, but, now, it's like it's everywhere.  All over the place.  And I loved what a physician had done.  They had written a letter to someone about how they felt about this whole thing.  There was a photo that said that if they mix the ingredients of the vaccines it's good, but, if I do it, then it's dangerous.  And this got me to thinking about it...

So then, the biggest problem people have with the vaccines is the mercury content of it.  Valid point I think.  All of the mercury thermometers have been taken off the market.  We are told that pregnant women shouldn't eat fish or tuna due to the mercury content of the fish. 

Today, mercury is used for the manufacture of industrial chemicals and for electrical and electronic applications. It can be found in meteorological equipment like thermometers and barometers. Gaseous mercury is used in mercury-vapor lamps which light highways at night.  Mercury poisoning (also known as hydrargyria or mercurialism) is a type of metal poisoning and a medical condition caused by exposure to mercury or its compounds. Mercury (chemical symbol Hg) is a heavy metal occurring in several forms. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercury_poisoning
Mercury in any form is poisonous, with mercury toxicity most commonly affecting the neurologic, gastrointestinal (GI) and renal organ systems. Poisoning can result from mercury vapor inhalation, mercury ingestion, mercury injection, and absorption of mercury through the skin. (See Etiology and Prognosis.)
Mercury has 3 forms: (1) elemental mercury, (2) inorganic salts, and (3) organic compounds. Perhaps the most deadly form of mercury is methylmercury. Only 2-10% of the ingested mercury is absorbed from the gut, and ingested elemental mercury is not absorbed at all; however, 90% of any methylmercury ingested is absorbed into the bloodstream from the GI tract.  (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1175560-overview)
At concentrations found in vaccines, thimerosal meets the requirements for a preservative as set forth by the United States Pharmacopeia; that is, it kills the specified challenge organisms and is able to prevent the growth of the challenge fungi (U.S. Pharmacopeia 2004). Thimerosal in concentrations of 0.001% (1 part in 100,000) to 0.01% (1 part in 10,000) has been shown to be effective in clearing a broad spectrum of pathogens. A vaccine containing 0.01% thimerosal as a preservative contains 50 micrograms of thimerosal per 0.5 mL dose or approximately 25 micrograms of mercury per 0.5 mL dose. (http://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVaccines/SafetyAvailability/VaccineSafety/UCM096228)

It's a totally and completely toxic element.  Yet, when mixed by a pharmacy person, I don't know who makes them, but, I know that someone has to make the vaccines, it's totally ok to inject this.  I think it's great that they have made the effort to take as much out of the vaccines as possible.  And just because I don't like the idea of vaccines doesn't mean that Piper is not vaccinated or that I won't make sure she gets her booster, I'm just trying to make a point here. 

Next, let's look formaldehyde...

Formaldehyde is a commonly used chemical compound that exists in various forms and at room temperature, is a colorless, distinctive, strong and even pungent smelling, flammable and gaseous substance. Formaldehyde has been used in a number of industries for various purposes such as: for the manufacturing of building materials – like pressed wood products (mostly as an adhesive resin), fiber board, plywood, cigarette smoke, fuel burning appliances and kerosene space heaters. Additional uses in household products include: additive for permanent –press, an ingredient in glues, and as a preservative in medical laboratories – as embalming fluid, and as a sterilizer. Since Formaldehyde is a by-product of combustion and other inherent processes, it can be found in significant concentrations and in various environments.
It is also critical to note that the “11th report on carcinogens” classifies formaldehyde as "reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen".   (http://www.formaldehydetesting.com/whatisformaldehyde.html)

Ok, well, after looking into this one, I have found that this is almost everything and is mostly in the air.  Can't do too much about it, it's everywhere. 

I can't find the list of other ingredients but the list continues with other elements and right now, being sick and in the middle of an allergy attack, I just don't want to keep going, but here is the question I was thinking of earlier. 
Why are these things so dangerous to us, yet, to keep us healthy, this is what needs to be injected into us and our children?  Why are we putting things that are known poisons into our little ones?  There are still cases of people who get polio from the vaccine.  The flu shot, as far as I'm concerned is a bunch of shit, and I won't do it at all.  Nor will I put it into my little one...But, whatever my choice is and whatever my daughter choses to do are our choices and though they may not always follow the mainstream, I would hope that we are shown respect for our decisions. 

I don't know if that will happen though, seems to me that if I don't follow the mainstream, I am wrong and stupid and poorly educated.  I am reckless and selfish and ignorant.  Another question for you all.  If your kids have been vaccinated, why are you so worried about your kids getting these diseases?  Shouldn't the vaccine protect them from it, I mean, that's why we get them right?  To make sure our kids won't have to go through these kinds of things and diseases, right?  Then why is everyone so upset about their kids getting the measles if they have had their vaccines?  Too many things I don't understand, but, one thing is for sure.  This is a hot topic and I am sure lots of people will have much to say about it.  I may not agree with many things, in fact, I rather enjoy taking the side of the underdog in most cases, however, for this one, I know how I feel about it.  And so, that's all I have to say about that....  Just some points to ponder :)

 

 

 

 

Quality of Education

Despite the fact that I am no longer in high school, I do tend to have a lot of interaction with high school students.  I was not cool, ever, in high school and for whatever strange reason, I am now... Whatever, I think it's the tattoos :)  Anyhow, in speaking with them recently, I have discovered an injustice to these students and I wanted to pose this question to you all as well, which I will ask at the end of telling you all what's going on. 

These students, who because of their age and such, I won't name, but they have brought it to my attention about some things that are really bothering them all.  They are good kids, they want to learn, they have goals, and want to have awesome careers and I think that's beyond great.  I was always lost when trying to decide what I wanted to be when I was younger.  They can be sassy at times and snarky as well, but, overall, they are good hearted, kind kids. 

They go to school at a place that seems to be a last resort for some, and that's cool.  They like where they are and don't want to go anywhere else.  But, there is a student who also attends this place and is the most disruptive kid there.  I have been told that this student has it in for one teacher, and only one.  For the sake of writing here, I will give this person a name, makes it easier in writing, let's call them Pat-remember SNL, Pat and Chris.  Pat will not be respectful to the teachers or the learning environment to the point where it is disrupting class.  Pat is on the phone in class, Pat is listening to music in class, and the worst part of it, Pat is verbally abusive to the staff.  Not just any staff member, because most of them don't tolerate it, but the staff member who is unable to use discipline in any form, whether it's detention or telling Pat to leave class, or even suspension.  Nothing, so, Pat calls this staff member names.  Bad horrible names that no one should have to endure while working and trying to help other students learn.  Like, dick, pussy, faggot, asshole, bastard, cock sucker, and anything else Pat can think of. 

Now these students are upset.  They are upset because they are held to a higher standard.  If they are having a bad day and are snarky to the teacher, they get detention.  If they reply in a manner that a staff member doesn't like, they can be suspended for a day.  Each one of these kids are at a loss as to how to handle what's going on.  Pat never gets in trouble.  Pat could be asked to leave class, but, is soon to return and be even more disruptive.  They have come to me for help and I have no clue what to tell them.  How can we let this go on, with a student so disrespectful, and yet, they get away with it.  Every day.  I have been told by one of these students that it's because Pat is worth more money.  How fucked up is that?  Allowing this kind of behavior because Pat is making the school money is so scandalous and repulsive and appalling that I can't even describe it accurately!!!

Pat is also on probation for I don't know what.  Pat's probation officer has been told that Pat is doing well in school and he isn't a problem at all.  Now, the kids here are upset because they know that if Pat gets a violation of probation, then Pat will be pulled out of school and sent to the juvenile detention center for the duration of the probation.  Yet, it seems that Pat will not have anyone tell the probation officer what a total and complete waste of space Pat is.  One of the kids that is having a problem with this will tell Pat off and it seems to shut them up for a while.  And while Pat is such a big talker at school, if outside the school area, Pat seems to lose all of that audacity and courage and just hangs the head and says nothing.  Strange I think, why Pat is allowed to get away with this. 

What can be done?  What can I tell these kids?  How can help them?  I don't know, I ask for your advice on this one, because, I do know the staff members and no matter what, no person should have to endure that kind of abuse at work.  The fear is though, if it's put in writing from this staff person, they will be fired... Help, please... Thank you :)

Reckless behavior

This week, there is so much going on that I have decided that I no longer want to see it.  I have deleted the app off my phone, and I will still use messenger if I need to, but, for the most part, I think I am done with Facebook.  Talk about a waste of time and energy.  It's a vortex of things that I shouldn't be wasting my time with anymore.  Or energy...  With that being said, I will probably still go on once in a while to see what fun cat videos have been posted, or to post to my private group what I am working on with writing. 

How did I come to this decision?  After all, I have made this choice before, why do I think that I will be able to do it this time... What made me change my mind.  Well, it's been a rough week at work.  I have had the worst case of PMS in so many years that I can't remember feeling like this before.  I feel like this gray cloud with all my sunshine just gone.  I have no desire to really do anything, or whatever.  There are many articles on what's going on in the world this week.  The biggest one that I chose to tackle was the measles outbreak in California.  They are saying that it's because some parents don't have their kids immunized and that's why we have these problems.  It's all these parents' fault and we should make them outcasts of society.  It's a hot topic and one that I feel strongly about.  I am against immunizations.  I have my reasons, and I chose to not have Piper immunized after about 14 or 15 months old.  For now, she's considered to be safe.  I put my feelings out there on this and I have never felt so attacked as I did yesterday.  I was told that I am reckless, arrogant, selfish, ignorant, poorly educated and all sorts of things.  I was felt totally insulted and degraded by people who are my family and friends.  I don't need that kind of drama in my life.  I just want to be happy.  I made an informed decision about the health my child and they can say what they want, and I am not going to change their minds.  Just like they aren't going to change my mind about it either. 

For now, that's the way it is, and it's all good.  I will find my voice instead, I will regain my sense of self and do what is best for me and my family.  I understand risks and chances and after all of it was said and done, the only response I wanted to make, though I didn't, was fuck you.  But that's how I feel.  I will be writing a lot more now... so, until the next time, remember, your words hurt and what you say can affect others.  Say kind things, and if you disagree then cool... but, I don't want to deal with that.  Later cats... :)

Moving

Today I get to move to a new place.  I am very excited about it.  You know what makes me mad though, when I bust my ass trying to get everything done before hand, and then it's not right.  I am having a hard time with focusing on what I am suppose to be doing today, which is work for a few hours and then go home and get stuff moved.  I will be ok, this will be over soon and then I can focus on unpacking and making this the best little place for us.  It's all good.... But damn it pisses me off...

More Truths...

Recently, I had discovered that I was cowardly.  And while, I can see this in myself, I think I have come to some other conclusions about myself.  I am not cowardly, I just go about things in a different manner than other people.  One thing that was pointed out to me was that, though I have a hard time standing up for myself, I think of being in a time and place long ago.  Being in the military was not a cowardly thing. 

No matter what I say about what I did in the Navy, mainly wiping oil off of an engine, I need to consider that at that time, we were in the middle of the Arabian Gulf, in a time of war, going into war and combat every time we launched aircraft.  I never thought of it like this before, it was always just, what I was doing, and I never really gave a thought to the mission in general.  We were suppose to go out on deployment, it's not like that's news.  Go out, do stuff, see things and places, come home.  While that is a grossly oversimplification of what we did, it was so much more. 

In combat, I never thought of what might happen.  There were too many other things that I was thinking of... yes, it was mostly about boys and had nothing to do with what I was suppose to be doing.  I stayed focused and did what I was suppose to do.  I got into arguments with my supervisors and I worked out.  But in reality, in the back of our minds, it was always there, what we were doing, and why.  We all knew that at any time, we could be under attack and it would be over.  But, while in that life, you don't think about it actively.  It's there, looming over you, and we all talked about it, but, it wasn't something we let our fears get a hold of and run with.  That was just too scary to think of. 

As a Naval Engineer, we are not the celebrated the air wing whose sole purpose is to get air craft where it's suppose to go, into the air.  We don't see the light of day, unless it's meal times, or smoke breaks.  We live in the depths of the ship, making sure the lights are on and the ship is moving.  The screws have to be turning, and the fires have to be lit.  We complain about how unfair it is, and that we don't get a Sunday Holiday Routine, there are no days off while underway, but, it's what we live for.  Some hated it, and for those, it was a very difficult time.  Others, we loved our lives.  And I say that I loved it, but, for the most part, I complained very loudly about it.  I saw no purpose in what I was doing there.  I had a job and it was pretty easy for me.  I was young and on an adventure. 

So, cowardly, most likely not.... Not always brave, that's about more like it.  I am constantly trying to better myself and I will continue to do so, because I want to be the best me that I can be.  I am a work in progress... And I love that about me.